WWYD re funeral flowers/donation

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My Uncle passed away recently. My Auntie mentioned they'd arranged funeral flowers, ie from her, two sons and grandchildren. I asked her if it was appropriate to send our own flowers, but she replied stating donations to two charities, then went onto say she we could do what we felt was right (she's elderly, tired, stressed so struggling a bit on smaller details).

Three options:

Donate what we'd have spent on flowers between two charities

Flowers from us and DD

My Mum wants to go in with us, sending one lot of flowers and donations to two charities. If seeing the family, she always comes with us, so I guess we're seen as one group. Guess this is happy compromise, but Mum wants a posey or wreath, whereas I'd much prefer a hand tied bouquet or spray, so we'd have to agree on that.

My Uncle was like a second Dad and very fond of myself and DD, and he had a request that she played some music at his funeral, and I'm down as one their Attorneys if needs be, over one son.

Thanks for your replies.

I reviewed the decision of donations as my Mum really seems to want to give flowers and I wondered if we were doing the right thing. Auntie did originally say that if we felt flowers were the right thing that was fine. Also, only been to two family funerals before, many years ago when it flowers seemed to be the thing from everyone.

Just need to phone my Mum now and tell her it's donations from us and we won't be going in with her for flowers. Pretty sure I'll still have to arrange some from her, but that's her choice.

Split the difference - donations now, then a month or two down the line, take nice flowers to the grave.

Your aunt doesn't seem to have strong feelings, if your mum does then I'd follow her lead tbh.

If your mum is set on flowers maybe a single rose or 3 from each of you. Then a donation.
That way it’s not a large display that will have to be cleared away

That's a lovely idea. if mum is set on flowers, persuade her to send them later. Either for the grave or to your auntie. People get inundated in the aftermath of a death. Its nice to have some a few months down the line as a recognition that grief goes on and someone is still in your thoughts