What the heck to do about this

[Victoriaoxsana]

Some are expecting our first child but my other half is unemployed, we have no family, we have only two friends but it's very very small circle of people, he has severe bpd, most of the time he drives me into depression. I dont remember the last time I was happy. I'm also recovering anorexia so I'm really struggling with my body, my depression and running an entire household, cleaning, cooking and caring for my mentally ill husband. I'm considering adoption and abortion. We cant even afford to feed ourselves an even the professional help cant do that much to help. Please don't think im a terrible person. Please don't judge me. I've wanted a divorce for months but he has no where to go and he would become more lonely and ill. He needs me. What the heck do I do. I wanted children an to be a mym ever since I was a little girl but not at all like this. This is a nightmare. What do I do

That sounds very very tough.
Its completely your decision but in your shoes based on what you have written here I would not have a baby just now

How many weeks pregnant are you?

None of us can tell you what to do, other than to say that whatever decision is right for you is the right decision.

I think the baby and your marriage are two separate things in many ways - you can have one without the other.

Think about what you want out of life - and it is okay to decide what you want is to be a single parent, or not a parent at all, to stay married or part.

Sad to say, I don’t think it is within your power to “fix” your husband, far less if he is making you ill. Think what is right for you, in your marriage and in your pregnancy, as you are the person whose welfare is most important right now.