Constantly wondering if son has additional needs

[Whatcouldhappen]

I know it’s really hard to say. And I know no one can say for sure but some pointers would be appreciated.

He is 2 years and 8 months and to be totally honest I do feel like his behaviour isn’t great but obviously I see other peoples children out of their home settings and DS also tends to be better out of the house.

So my points of concern are

• Not sure how good his understanding is. So for instance you say ‘do you want an apple or a pear’ he’ll say yes or no. OTOH other times his understanding seems very good.
• He talks a lot but most of it makes no sense or it’s just repeating the same (generally meaningless) phrase - so for instance you’ll say daddy’s at work and he’ll endlessly repeat daddy work.
• He stonewalls you a LOT 🤣 DS do you want a drink and it’s like no one has spoken, he just doesn’t react or acknowledge in any way. (Hearings fine.)
• Can be quite aggressive, pushes other kids. At a park the other day he was endlessly following another kid around with a toy he wanted, it was horrible. Stuff like that is hard as you want to do nice things with him but it almost always ends up with incident(s.)
• Absolutely obsessed with dummies still. I know, should never have started it but it seemed benign as a baby and then before you know it you have an eighteen month old with an addiction.
• won’t potty train - he will take his pants off but won’t sit on the potty and just wees and poos on the floor. it’s not an accident, he laughs his head off.

I am well aware the above could be our parenting and I’m trying to do my best but I am worried about him.

Does he go to nursery ?

Yes.

So I’d ask them if they think his behaviour is normal for his age.

This sounds like fairly normal behaviour in a 2 year old.

The only thing that on the face of it I'd look at is his understanding and repeating the same phrase. But even those may well be normal for his age.
I'd speak to the nursery.

Having said that I was told from when he first went to preschool aged 3yo that "he was a summer boy, he'll grow out of it" and he was finally diagnosed with ASD and ADHD aged 13yo after I insisted on him being assessed.

So what I'd say is if they say he's in the normal for his age, then stop worrying for now, but if you notice more things as he's getting older, then don't be afraid of pushing. I wish I had now.

But also don't be afraid of a diagnosis. He's still the same loving, quirky boy-just he has an explanation why some things are harder for him. He really appreciated the explanation because it meant he had a reason rather than just was "wrong".
Although his first comments were along the lines of "fantastic, now I have permission to be anti-social". 🤣

I don’t think nursery are necessarily the definitive answer - I’m grateful for their help and expertise but equally they aren’t SEN professionals. Shutting down the thread with those responses isn’t really helpful to be honest - I know that’s not what you’re intending to do but it does kind of come across like that.

I know no one can say for sure but his behaviour does seem pretty poor.

It's hard to tell as he's only 2, so some of it is just normal 2 year old behaviour. I would speak to nursery and see what they say - our nursery was really helpful in helping us recognise the ND traits in our son as he was our first, so we didn't know what was just typical 2 year old behaviour.

But the nursery meet a lot of 2 year olds, so they could probably give you a good indication of whether the behaviours are normal at that age.

To be fair, Mumsnetters aren't SEN professionals either, but you seem happy to take advice here. I think the earlier poster's point was to see if nursery staff have noticed any unusual behaviour compared to other same age children. That might allay your fears or cause you to seek the advice of a suitably qualified professional. Would be a good starting point though.

no of course not but I did want opinions and if people are just going to say see what nursery say then it’s a bit pointless having posted. Just feeling a bit stressed … is it him or me!?!

score the MChat. Alot of that sounds like my son who has autism except he regressed and lost speech at that age so it was very obvious. Most areas have speech therapy drop ins at children centres (like the HV weigh ins) you could take him to. Hanen books and videos explain how to support language. Cerebra charity has a free toy and book postal lending library. Using visuals etc won’t hurt. It won’t stop language developing it will help. PECS picture exchange is worth a look. Even if it is autism or a language issue early intervention can make an enormous difference. My son stopped using a potty when he regressed and wasn’t toilet trained until nearly 5. He pushed children at that age. He still finds children unpredictable. He would look right through me / ignore me and not respond to his name. He would only use yes and no I had to point to things in the fridge. He also repeated phrases (echolalia). He could memorise shop names and songs but not use speech functionally. He would ask for things when no one was there as he didn’t understand you had to direct speech at an actual person in front of you. But with intervention this has all improved. Don’t wait there’s a lot you can do by skilling yourself up. By the time we got any formal help they told me I was already doing everything they would recommend. I went on a pecs course which I would recommend if after reading more and scoring the MChat you think there is a problem. Don’t panic. But also don’t wait and trust your own instincts parents are usually not wrong.