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What should I do?

12 replies

gooddaysarecomin · 12/08/2023 00:33

I am a teacher. During term time, my job is full on. My children are also heavily involved in a sport. They love it and are doing brilliantly but it does severely impact on family time together. Between my job and their activities term time is a bit mental.
I have spent the last couple of weeks just enjoying my kids whilst they are around. We have also met up with family friends that we haven't seen much. I've done a little bit more cleaning and tidying than usual however my dh thinks I should have done much more cleaning and tidying.
Trying to get much done whilst the kids are around is possible but realistically whilst I'm tidying one room, someone else will be causing havoc elsewhere.
I have been doing things whilst they have been at their activity. It doesn't stop for summer but training eases a little. I've also had to go into school a few times to set my room up etc. I've taken the kids to get all the school supplies too. We have all had the dentist appointments, opticians and doctor appointments that get left to the holidays when there is more time.
DH seems to think I'm lazing around here. I'm not. I'm just prioritising getting the kids out to do things - things that he himself has said he doesn't want to bother doing. So I've done it whilst he is at work. He basically wants me to become a domestic goddess over summer. He married the wrong woman if that is who he wants.
Im dropping to part time after summer as I have a chronic condition that leaves me amongst other things utterly exhausted. Im hoping to try and do more big cleans when im not working but everyone else will either be at work, school or nursery.
Am I wrong to do this? The house is clean but cluttered and untidy in parts. It does need doing but I don't think it should be coming before the kids.
I suggested he take the kids out tomorrow whilst I get cracking - really we need to have a toy cull. He is sulking because he wants to do something with all of us together.
Last week I even started getting up 2 hours before everyone else to clean kitchen cupboards and reorganise. He says that is me being a martyr. However it was the only way I could get it done it peace. I feel like I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't. I am now in a very bad mood and want him to stop treating me like a skivvy!

OP posts:
WhateverMate · 12/08/2023 00:36

How old are the kids?

Neodymium · 12/08/2023 00:39

does he contribute to any of the cleaning and tidying ?

CantThinkOfANameAtAll · 12/08/2023 00:46

DH seems to think I'm lazing around here.
How much housework does he do? How much child caring does he do? Gardening? Laundry? Shopping? Cooking?

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Somewhereovertherainbowweighapie · 12/08/2023 00:50

I would tell him in your wife not your mother. If the house isn’t clean enough you know where the mop is.

Or actually lazy around and let him see the difference.

Don’t feel guilty, you are ticking a lot of stuff of your todo list.

gooddaysarecomin · 12/08/2023 06:16

WhateverMate · 12/08/2023 00:36

How old are the kids?

8, 3 and 18 months

OP posts:
gooddaysarecomin · 12/08/2023 06:20

Neodymium · 12/08/2023 00:39

does he contribute to any of the cleaning and tidying ?

He washes the dishes. He also tidies things away but usually just by shoving things anywhere which isn't helpful because then no-one can find anything.

OP posts:
gooddaysarecomin · 12/08/2023 06:26

Gardening is mostly him.
Laundry - me except he will iron his own shirts.
Shopping - mostly me or me asking him to pop into a shop for such and such if I have forgotten something.
Cooking - mostly me. He will do a meal at the weekend though.
Most of the time he is home after the rest of us have eaten during the week and I reheat something for him.

OP posts:
GoodChat · 12/08/2023 06:28

What does he use his annual leave for?

BlastedPimples · 12/08/2023 06:30

You're doing plenty.

Tell him to do it himself.

Who does he think he is, lecturing you like this?

devildeepbluesea · 12/08/2023 06:30

Your husband is a right old misogynist isn’t he?

I’d like to know exactly why all the cleaning, housekeeping and life admin is down to you as well as looking after 3 very small children for the holidays - just because you happen to be a teacher.

Actually I wouldn’t. I’d just chuck him out.

frozendaisy · 12/08/2023 06:32

He's not a teacher, what big important job does he do?
Why don't you get a cleaner?

Just tell him to piss off, he doesn't get to dictate your holiday time, for starters you have 3 dependent children.

Next time he starts just tell him he doesn't get to dictate your time he can lecture all he likes you have stopped listening, the days of perfect wifie at home are long gone thank god.

gooddaysarecomin · 12/08/2023 09:34

Thank you! He rarely leaves the sofa if he has annual leave whilst I'm at school and the kids are at school/nursery. It pisses me off no end!

OP posts:
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