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Original poster

My 7yr old has no friends outside of school

13 replies

Mamaraven · 11/08/2023 19:55

My 7yr old son has no friends outside of school, he has tried to play out bt it never lasts very long & some of the kids are quite mean tbh. I suffer from social anxiety so I feel massive guilt because if I could make connections then he'd have friends outside of school, I have tried a couple of times but been let down last minute ie made arrangements to meet another mum at the park bt she had to work later than expected and I told her it's ok n just let me know when she's free, she hasn't been in touch since. Another mum who's kid actually goes the same school I got chatty with n tried the same sort of thing n even gave her my number bt seen as she's mentioned nothing of meeting I'm guessing she's not interested. I just wish he had friends on our doorstep that I didn't have to organise ect. I suppose I'm just wondering in this day n age scary as it is,what do other people do?

OP posts:
APurpleSquirrel · 11/08/2023 19:57

Does your DS do any out of school activities?
My DC have friends outside of school either made at preschool or from extra curricular clubs.

LivingDeadGirlUK · 11/08/2023 19:59

I can recommend Beavers its been great for my 6 year old.

redskytwonight · 11/08/2023 20:00

Do you mean he doesn't ever see friends out of school time, or that his only friends are school ones?

If the latter, I don't see that this is a particular problem - in many areas all the children go to the local school so it's hard to know anyone else.

If the former, he's at or getting to the age where he'll be clear about who he wants to see or not see and it won't be related to whether their mums know each other! Is there a class WhatsApp (or similar)? If so maybe put a general message on saying "we'll be at x park tomorrow at 10, anyone fancy joining us?" Then if they do, they do, and if they don't, your DC might meet someone at the park anyway!

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Neverseenbefore · 11/08/2023 20:03

What do you mean, no friends out of school? It’s quite normal for children to have only friends from school. Or you could look at clubs, Cubs etc? I wouldn’t let a seven-year-old play out, but perhaps it depends where you live.

Mortimermay · 11/08/2023 20:06

I agree that out of school activities can be great for making friends. My dd's friendships at school seem to constantly change and involve all sorts of drama whereas her friendships from activities seem more stable because they all have the same thing in common. It's led to lots of meeting up outside of the activities with those friends whereas she rarely meets up with school friends.
I also found that friendships in Primary school tended to rely on which parents were friends and so meeting up would be difficult because groups had been formed between the parents whereas its been easier with the out of school activities friends, there hasn't been those same ties to friendships between the parents.

Backtothe90splease · 11/08/2023 20:11

That seems normal to me, to only have 'plat date' type friends from school. He's friendly enough with beavers/drama club people but not properly friends with them. He's only 7! Why don't you just make arrangements with some school mates?

drpet49 · 11/08/2023 20:12

Totally fine and nothing to worry about.

Hellsbellsandspidersankles · 11/08/2023 20:13

Invite some classmates round for a play date.
He’s 7, he shouldn’t be playing out alone anyway, particularly when the other kids aren’t even actually friends of his.

BananaSlug · 11/08/2023 20:18

Neither do mine. We don’t live in an area where kids play out it’s a main road in London we don’t see kids here.

laddersandsnakes12 · 11/08/2023 20:20

I think it's totally fine, it would be more concerning if he had no friends. I had that same guilt when we moved countries during the pandemic - my DS only knew the kids from his new class but none of them lived near us. Luckily my son is a natural extrovert and chatterbox so he feels pretty comfortable going up to kids around his age at the playground and asking if they want to play. He's made several friends this way. Myself, I could never! But his natural outgoing ways helped me become really good friends with another kids mum who he befriended at the playground once. Sometimes it's the kids bringing the introvert mums together instead of the other way around!
Do you think your son would feel comfortable approaching other kids at the playground?

Original poster
Mamaraven · 11/08/2023 21:22

laddersandsnakes12 · 11/08/2023 20:20

I think it's totally fine, it would be more concerning if he had no friends. I had that same guilt when we moved countries during the pandemic - my DS only knew the kids from his new class but none of them lived near us. Luckily my son is a natural extrovert and chatterbox so he feels pretty comfortable going up to kids around his age at the playground and asking if they want to play. He's made several friends this way. Myself, I could never! But his natural outgoing ways helped me become really good friends with another kids mum who he befriended at the playground once. Sometimes it's the kids bringing the introvert mums together instead of the other way around!
Do you think your son would feel comfortable approaching other kids at the playground?

Thanks I really appreciate that :) he does ask other kids to play when we go to the park bt once we leave that's it. His school is a good 25min walk away so no kids from his school near us.The kids that do live near us play out bt he just hasn't clicked with any them, I only allow him to be where I can see him.I dunno it's just when my daughter was little we had such a different experience with playing out ect bt she's 21 now so that was a long time ago n things are so much different now, the world has changed so much! I really like the idea of clubs so I think I'll definitely look into it, I have a hard time trusting people these days so I don't tend to let my boy out my sight , we've never even had a babysitter ever! I just want to make sure I'm doing everything I could be doing n that he's not missing out because of my issues if that makes sense

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Original poster
Mamaraven · 11/08/2023 21:32

@Hellsbellsandspidersankles See that's where I also struggle because I really wanted to do that bt then I had to think about how I'd feel about him going to a friend's house for a play date & I wasn't comfortable with the idea of him going to a strangers house, they'd be strangers to me,I couldn't do it.How does it even work now? When my daughter was little I did all the dinners n sleepovers ect bt when she got older! N told me some stuff OH my dear lord it's made me a lot less easy going where it comes to my son

OP posts:
Original poster
Mamaraven · 11/08/2023 21:36

@Mortimermay thanks for understanding, I can really relate to this & I think I'm definitely going to have a gd look into clubs :)

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