Do you have a system for remembering to check in with people

[PurpleSteak]

Or does it just come naturally?

For example my Dad had a hospital appointment this week which I know he's been worried about. He can be a bit of a hypochondriac but I genuinely did mean to check in with him and find out how it went, but I completely forgot until he called to tell me.

A friend has a son she's been desperately worried about for various reasons. He had a job interview that he and she were both exited about. When she was telling me I really was interested and really did wish him well. I wanted to find out how he got on, but then I completely forgot until I bumped into her and she told me oh btw DS got the job . And I'm kicking myself because I really did mean to call.

This happens all the time. Colleague collecting a new puppy and I forget to ask to see the photos or pretty much any weekend plans, by Monday I'll have forgotten we had the conversation, no matter how exciting they were.

Some people are so good at this stuff and I'm really not. I'm sure people will say/think it's because I don't really care, but I honestly am interested and do want them to know I care.

So what extra efforts are those who are good at it making to make sure it happens?

I don't, but I need one!

I have an online calendar on my phone and have contemplated adding notes. "Call Jenny about new job" "Dad's dental appt today" etc

I just put reminders in the calendar on my phone. As soon as the reminder pops up, I drop them a text. If anyone close to me has a bereavement I also put in a reminder to send a message on the 1 year anniversary. Little things like that mean a lot to people. 😊

I don't always do it, but if its something that is going to be a big deal for someone close to me I try and put it in my calendar. Agree things like anniversaries of deaths etc. I need to be better at it too as I feel like you do, but thats my 'system'

The trouble is the "big" stuff I'm always convinced I'll remember. I mean how can you forget to check on a friend with a dying mother or whose son has just left home, for example?

I’m exactly the same as you OP. Pretty crap at remembering things going on in other people’s lives.

following.

Would it help to have a particular time of day/week when you’d do the check in and make an effort (put it in your calendar/set a phone alarm) to sit down at that time and think who you’ve been meaning to catch up with? That way you’re not always making the notes but you have a prompt so it doesn’t slip your mind entirely.

I use an online calendar for stuff like anniversaries (weddings and deaths), birthdays for friends’ kids (when they tell you that the new baby has arrived, set up a recurring calendar reminder and you never have to remember their birthday again!).

Another one who puts it in my phone calendar. It makes me feel like a bit of a dick that I don't just remember, but the person I'm checking in with doesn't know that, and I'm sure they'd rather hear from me with a reminder than not hear from me at all.

It comes naturally to me, but I actually hate that it does. Some times I feel like my brain is wired wrong because I’m often forgetful about stuff to do with myself despite remembering everything to do with everyone else.

I set reminders on my phone.

I need something, as my head is so full that things just fall out of it, as much as I try to retain stuff!

I sometimes put things in my diary if it is something like an operation or an exam which is a bit of a way off an I suspect I might lose track of the date. I'm not bad at remembering though.

I have a Filofax with a to do list. Anything gets scribbled in there abd crossed off when done. Old school but dead easy

I do have reminders on my iPhone but I look at my Filofax more often.

I put reminders in my calendar, with alarms/notifications.
I also actually type the message I want to send ("Oh how did Ds's interview go?") and save it to the reminder so I can just copy it into a message.
Sounds ridiculous, but I'm pretty sure I have ADHD and this removes one more 'blocker'

I don't really check in tbh. If they want to talk to me about it I expect them to contact me.

Equally I don't expect people to remember my shit and just update them myself.

Chill

I put it in my calendar and set a reminder. Even if someone is gong on holiday I pop it in for the day they fly to wish them a good time and for their return. I'd have no chance of remembering otherwise!

I sometimes set a reminder on my phone - if I remember. Other times I completely forget. And other times I'll have a sudden flash of "I need to text X about Y" 🤷‍♀️

You're totally me Op. I've thought as well that I need to do more reminders on my phone. I did one today actually for recurring every Sunday morning - water the plants 🤣🤣

I ring my dad the same time each week and there's a reminder on my phone.

I set reminders on my phone calender. I also have a standing 2 saying "call.dad" and " call bonus dad" as if I don't us living in different countries often means we don't talk for a long time.

I also put reminders in my phone.