18th Birthday Advice Please!

[mousehouse]

DD turns 18 next month and is at peak stress trying to find the perfect celebration. Obviously, the perfect celebration does not exist given that she is the eldest of her friends, there is not an unlimited budget, and DH and I are not prepared to host a house party (have done that before, not keen to repeat.)

Her ideal plan would be 5-10 female friends going out for dinner and staying‘somewhere fancy’. Problem being this would need 3+ hotel rooms so £££ and there will only be one 18 year old so not poss to book anyway. Have looked at Air bnb but also £££ for something suitably ‘fancy’ and most, understandably, have a two night minimum.

Have suggested a spa day / posh afternoon tea / Thames dinner cruise - all for old people apparently. Thought glamping might be a solution to the staying somewhere requirement but she is not keen as reminds her of younger years holidays.

She is a good kid, works hard and I want her to have something she wants, but at the same time mindful that it’s not as big a deal as she currently feels it is. Think it is worse as she is the eldest in her group so no precedent has been set.

What did your DC do for their 18ths? Particularly if they were old in the year. What brilliant (not for old people) suggestions have I missed?? Please help as I need her to stop focusing on this and move into the things that matter like Uni applications!

Bloody hell, I'm so glad my DD is quite low maintenance right now! Im aware it might not last but she rarely asks for anything at Christmas/birthdays etc but your DD is clearly different and that's fine.

Mine was 18 a few months back and all she wanted was going to Nando's (don't!) and her first legal drink in a pub!

Unfortunately, three out of four grandparents are no longer here and the other one doesn't deserve the title of grandparent, so it was just us, my brother, SIL, niece and her little one. She had a great time!

Happy birthday to your daughter. Maybe a cocktail making party? I think my DD might enjoy that now!

I think that it's up to dd to find something that appeals that's within budget or accepting a belated party once her best friends are 18 too (any chance they are all autumn borns)?

I'm sorry but the "peak stress" your daughter is under is of her own making.
18th birthdays really do not have to be this big a deal a "stay in a "fancy" hotel isnt necessary.

My daughter had her 18th earlier this year. We went for a family meal to celebrate and then she arranged her own house party which i was supportive of.
My step daughter was 18 last year - she was happy just to go to the pub with her Dad and step dad and a few friends. Most of the other 18 year olds I know just had a party or some kind of gathering at home. A few more went to a festival with friends - but organised it all mostly themselves.

If you are willing to pay towards this I can only suggest you giver her a budget and then allow her to make her own decision what she does with it??

I also agree with @BoohooWoohoo because hardly any of DD's friends were 18 on her birthday, so she didn't see any point in having a party or clubbing or whatever. Like I said, it might change once more of her friends are 18 but honestly, most of the people around here 'just' have a family get together/meal out etc

@Thisisme23 no need to be sorry, I am completely with you. She does have some genuine life stresses atm which I think are being deflected into the party. Plus she has the ongoing thing of being the (relatively) ‘poor kid’ at a private school so feels a bit of pressure from that.

Tbf she would be very happy with a party at home, but I have vetoed that as I found it really stressful being in charge of a load of drunk teens last time.

@rainbowstardrops we are in a similar position with no extended family around to make things festive plus have a v big age gap to DD2. I do like the idea of a cocktail making evening though for the close friends, thank you. It’s big groups of teenagers that scare me!

@BoohooWoohoo I have suggested a deferred celebration but it would have to be the summer which seemed too far off. Might revisit that now she has seen that options are limited!

My daughter just went out for a meal with her friends then they went to some bars.
we had a separate party at home for her with relatives and family friends.
Actually some of her friends called round to that too.

tell her the budget and let her sort it our herself, then she might realise how unrealistic she is being

Private chef at home with a fancy dinner. Cocktails before hand

Give her a budget and leave her to organise it.

My dc with a September birthday, had a party, in a hall.

Not that many halls will book, but we found one happy to book a 'family party' for her 18th - which it was, a combination of family, family friends, and also her own friends - most of whom wouldn't have been 18 at the time.

A group staying away and being underage I would say is super unlikely as no where will accept them with their ages.

That sounds amazing, and very ‘fancy’!

I agree with PPs that she needs a budget and to decide, I’m just conscious that I’ve vetoed her first choice of a party at home so feel partly responsible for the dilemma.

Ffs give her the money and get her to book / plan / decide

She is old enough to work it out for herself - friends should have at for meal rooms themselves or at least. Subsidies

This is not something the stress about

I would tell her a budget and any restrictions and then step away and leave her to it. It's not worth your stress and if there's any chance of non perfection being your fault the least you have to do with arrangements the better.

Please don’t set a precedent for the rest of her friends who will have birthdays this year. Don’t let it go the way that hen nights have gone, with AI week long extravaganzas. A meal out with friend should suffice. You can turn up at the end and pay. I agree with those who say tell her the budget and she can research what she would do with that. A stay in a hotel and meal could have you spending thousands. Madness, tell her it’s just not happening.

DD went to laser zone with a group of friends followed by food at wagamama and the pub in the evening. We had a family gathering the next day with grandparents etc.

Is your reason for the veto related to the behaviour of your dd or her friends? In which case you are not being unreasonable.

Do you live on a train line that goes to another city? I have similar aged kids who are happy to get on the train to the nearest city where there's bound to be somewhere special that was on Instagram to eat out.