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Original poster

Driving ocd help

18 replies

Jessie1995 · 10/08/2023 08:00

Anybody who also has OCD tendencies…

I suffer with driving anxiety and OCD. I was having a really good day driving yesterday and it’s as if my brain was like you’re not allowed to have a whole good day!!

I was driving down a narrow ish road ( wide enough for 2 cars) round a slight bend. I drive this road every single day and had a cyclist infront of me so I was probably driving around 10mph in a 20 zone.

As I drive around the bend and start to straighten up I hear this noise almost like a wing mirror hit or a noise of some kind like that!
however I feel nothing, no bump no hit nothing! I also have 0 marks on my wing mirror or car in general and my wing mirror never moved or tuck itself in!

My partner said if I’d have hit someone’s wing mirror 1. I’d feel it, 2. My window was down someone would have shouted something to me and 3. Almost definitely my wing mirror would have tucked itself in or moved or had a mark on it!

but I can’t shift it in my head that I’ve hit someone’s car, even though I literally have no proof other than I heard a noise! The noise could have been anything or even a car behind me!

anybody else with OCD been through this??

OP posts:
cinnamonfrenchtoast · 10/08/2023 08:04

You could always drive back and check there's no damage to any cars?

You would feel it if you'd hit another car though, it's so loud even if you've not actually done any damage.

CoronationArmy · 10/08/2023 08:18

I have this all the time. It ended up stopping me from driving as I would spend my life circling back to ‘check’. It’s awful and debilitating.

Original poster
Jessie1995 · 10/08/2023 08:32

They were a moving car! We were passing each other ( at a slow pace) but both in vehicle at the time! And I felt nothing not even a slight bump it was simply just a noise and my minds gone in circles! I have 0 marks on my wing mirror and it didn’t move

OP posts:
inappropriateraspberry · 10/08/2023 08:35

You probably drove over a twig or something. That can sound a lot worse than it is as it carries up through the car. You would definitely know if you'd hit another car.

Original poster
Jessie1995 · 10/08/2023 08:39

cinnamonfrenchtoast · 10/08/2023 08:04

You could always drive back and check there's no damage to any cars?

You would feel it if you'd hit another car though, it's so loud even if you've not actually done any damage.

They were a moving car! We were passing each other ( at a slow pace) but both in vehicle at the time! And I felt nothing not even a slight bump it was simply just a noise and my minds gone in circles! I have 0 marks on my wing mirror and it didn’t move

OP posts:
RoseMartha · 10/08/2023 08:46

I panicked last time I drove over a large twig it sounded like it had damaged the underneath of the car but hadnt, I had to have my car checked at the bottom afterwards. Maybe something like that happened. I also have driving anxiety and ocd.

train84 · 10/08/2023 08:47

I have ocd (not so much with driving though) but I know that "what if" feeling! You have to take all of this into account- IF you hit the other car 1. You would have felt something 2. The noise would have been a lot louder than you are describing especially with your windows down 3. You would have at least a mark on your car 4. The other car would have stopped 5. IF you had hit the other cars mirror, if you don't have a mark on yours, it's very unlikely any damage was caused. Your ocd is trying to take control of your brain and tell you things which didn't happen. It's a horrible feeling though, I know!

train84 · 10/08/2023 08:48

Also was going to say.. as PP said, it was most likely a twig you heard!

Original poster
Jessie1995 · 10/08/2023 08:49

inappropriateraspberry · 10/08/2023 08:35

You probably drove over a twig or something. That can sound a lot worse than it is as it carries up through the car. You would definitely know if you'd hit another car.

Thanks I did wonder but I didn’t feel a thing! No bump nothing simply just a sound! If I’d have hit someone’s wing mirror mine would have tucked in or at least have a scratch mark on it? It was a quite a loud noise!

OP posts:
cinnamonfrenchtoast · 10/08/2023 08:52

Maybe they hit something instead?

Original poster
Jessie1995 · 10/08/2023 08:54

cinnamonfrenchtoast · 10/08/2023 08:52

Maybe they hit something instead?

I had about 5 cars behind me and other side was crawling at around 5mph beside me and there was about 5 cars there too. So it may not have even come from me! But it sounded right next to my car like my wing mirror! But I have 0 marks on it!

OP posts:
cinnamonfrenchtoast · 10/08/2023 08:55

Honestly if there's no damage or anything on your car I would just forget about it.

Original poster
Jessie1995 · 10/08/2023 08:59

train84 · 10/08/2023 08:47

I have ocd (not so much with driving though) but I know that "what if" feeling! You have to take all of this into account- IF you hit the other car 1. You would have felt something 2. The noise would have been a lot louder than you are describing especially with your windows down 3. You would have at least a mark on your car 4. The other car would have stopped 5. IF you had hit the other cars mirror, if you don't have a mark on yours, it's very unlikely any damage was caused. Your ocd is trying to take control of your brain and tell you things which didn't happen. It's a horrible feeling though, I know!

It’s horrible isn’t it!!
I’ve now got this scenario in my head that I’ve done a hit and run and I’m going to get in trouble!
but yes I definitely did NOT feel a thing other than just driving on a normal road, it’s a slight bend in the road but it is wide enough for 2 cars! I drive it every single day!
it was quite a loud noise but was more like a clunk noise hence why I thought wing mirror! But mine did not move at all and that’s what they do don’t they they tuck themselves in if they get hit that’s the whole point of them!
but also if that didn’t happen I’d have at least a paint chip of a scratch on mine and I have nothing!

OP posts:
MebutwithOCD · 10/08/2023 09:45

Hi. If you have already got out of your mind spiral - DO NOT read on as it might start it up again.

You are in a classic OCD driving anxiety spiral. There is nothing any of us can say to reassure you because the OCD voice in your head is louder than ours. We are offering you reassurances based on logic but the bit of your head where the OCD thrives is feeding on your ruminating about what happened and raising new questions to seek further reassurances.

I know it is really really hard but you will never be able to say for certain what happened on the road yesterday, even though all the logical explanations (particularly that there were lots of cars behind you who would have seen anything if there was anything to see) but instead you will have to learn to live with the uncertainty - yes it will keep coming back, when you are on that road again etc but other things may counteract it. You may snap another twig under your wheels in a few weeks time and think that WAS the noise I heard.

I really do understand how hard it is for you in this moment and how you cannot willfully stop the spiral or the reassurance seeking but it will recede slightly with time. The official advice would say to do something distracting and not allow these thoughts anymore headspace but that is of course fearfully difficult.

As an aside I find that my driving anxiety OCD is always a bit worse in the summer because the windows are down and the 'noises' that cause me to seek reassurances are louder and more frequent. It's not meant to sound trite but closing the windows and using noisy AC helps a bit.

Going and checking is the worse thing you can do. The constant rerunning of the same route until your head explodes as each repeat leads to new issues that need to be checked. OR taking someone with you so they can tell you 'for sure' that nothing happened will only cement your current spiral in your head for longer.

I am sorry that you are going through this, I know it will not help you in this moment, but you are not alone. OCD and intrusive thoughts are such a hard thing to live with and are made much worse by misunderstandings of the 'I'm a bit OCD' variety. It is so much more than wanting the things on your desk to be straight or the 'cleaning' OCD subset that mainstream media seems to think. Sorry I've gone off on a tangent.

Original poster
Jessie1995 · 10/08/2023 10:11

MebutwithOCD · 10/08/2023 09:45

Hi. If you have already got out of your mind spiral - DO NOT read on as it might start it up again.

You are in a classic OCD driving anxiety spiral. There is nothing any of us can say to reassure you because the OCD voice in your head is louder than ours. We are offering you reassurances based on logic but the bit of your head where the OCD thrives is feeding on your ruminating about what happened and raising new questions to seek further reassurances.

I know it is really really hard but you will never be able to say for certain what happened on the road yesterday, even though all the logical explanations (particularly that there were lots of cars behind you who would have seen anything if there was anything to see) but instead you will have to learn to live with the uncertainty - yes it will keep coming back, when you are on that road again etc but other things may counteract it. You may snap another twig under your wheels in a few weeks time and think that WAS the noise I heard.

I really do understand how hard it is for you in this moment and how you cannot willfully stop the spiral or the reassurance seeking but it will recede slightly with time. The official advice would say to do something distracting and not allow these thoughts anymore headspace but that is of course fearfully difficult.

As an aside I find that my driving anxiety OCD is always a bit worse in the summer because the windows are down and the 'noises' that cause me to seek reassurances are louder and more frequent. It's not meant to sound trite but closing the windows and using noisy AC helps a bit.

Going and checking is the worse thing you can do. The constant rerunning of the same route until your head explodes as each repeat leads to new issues that need to be checked. OR taking someone with you so they can tell you 'for sure' that nothing happened will only cement your current spiral in your head for longer.

I am sorry that you are going through this, I know it will not help you in this moment, but you are not alone. OCD and intrusive thoughts are such a hard thing to live with and are made much worse by misunderstandings of the 'I'm a bit OCD' variety. It is so much more than wanting the things on your desk to be straight or the 'cleaning' OCD subset that mainstream media seems to think. Sorry I've gone off on a tangent.

Thank you for this. I’m definitely in a spiral right now and it went from hitting someone’s wing mirror to potentially just hitting the side of their car! But I have no evidence of this other than my head! I have 0 marks on my car and my wing mirror didn’t even move slightly or tuck itself in!
I just heard this loud ish noise from my drivers side and assumed I’d hit someone. I didn’t even feel anything!
I didn’t drive back mainly because the cars were driving too not parked up so it wouldn’t have helped but also I think it would have made me feel so much worse!
I literally cannot distract myself! Even my job involves driving so I’m just in my thoughts all day! I’m constantly thinking I’ve done something terrible and will get in trouble!

OP posts:
MebutwithOCD · 10/08/2023 13:35

Ok. So I waited a while before replying on purpose, not to be cruel, but because you were again seeking reassurance and confirmation that nothing happened which unfortunately none of us can give. And believe me I really do know why you are asking for it.

There are various techniques but none of them will work while you are in a spiral. Try to take a little comfort from the fact you did not go back and check and that that is a good thing.

I am not an expert or trained counsellor or anything like that just a fellow sufferer. If the original ruminating thoughts have faded a wee bit and rather than being constant only come when you mind goes back to yesterday than that is also a good thing. Sorry I can't give you the reassurance you crave about yesterday but I can say that your brain has the power to learn to live with uncertainty but it is difficult as you need to re-educate/re-wire (not sure of the right term) your brain to not crave the reassurance/certainty that everything is ok. I'm not sure I'm making sense but didn't want to leave you in a spiral.

MebutwithOCD · 10/08/2023 13:41

Hi Jessie
I know all the theory about how giving into an intrusive thought to get the instant relief from the compulsive check is setting up bad pathways in the brain. But that is the main problem - giving into the thought and carrying out the checking compulsion, does give you instant relief at the time, but the next time you need to do more checking to get the same relief and very quickly no amount of checking provides any relief as your mind spins on coming up with other ‘possible’ things that you might have missed.
Knowing the theory is one thing but being able to put it into practice is another. I have not however had any recent traumas so have had to think about how this recent downturn has been triggered and think that it may be workplace stress, tiredness and hormones– particularly situations that I can’t control or resolve so the bit of my brain that short circuits into trying to use checking compulsions to gain reassurance seems to have kicked in again, but I am trying to resist, as I know that giving in to the bliss of the instant relief of the check will not last for long and I will soon plummet back into the very dark place where you are constantly fighting your brain, your thoughts and even simple tasks become impossible.

MebutwithOCD · 10/08/2023 13:44

Sorry Jessie, I pressed return and the post I was typing posted before I was ready and I now can't find a way to delete it. I wanted to say I had searched back for a previous post I wrote about checking/reassurance etc. If it hadn't posted before I was ready I would have taken out the bit about trauma.

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