ADHD?

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I've always been a bit different. In secondary school especially, I was a bit of a loner but I was happy enough that way. I've never really had close friends and struggled with relationships, social things etc. I'm quite anxious, overthinker, struggle with self-esteem. But I hide it well. I might make the odd 'throwaway' comment but if I was really pushed to admit the truth, people would be shocked at how I felt.

Anyway, as I hit 40 I got to thinking about why I am the way I am. I've thought for a long time that perhaps I was on the spectrum. Then I read an article about ADHD and it rang a bell. I then found a podcast ADHD Females and I listened, initially, to the first few and it was like WTAF... this is me. Generally I can live with it but it's starting to affect my work and I need to get it sorted. It's like, anything that involves me having to do anything 'tedious' or that requires too much concentration I just can't. Spreadsheets, checking finer details. It's hard. I will at some point take a burst at it, but it inevitably falls by the wayside. If someone asks me to do something that's a bit different, I'm all over it. If they ask me to 'research' something, even if it's just restaurants in an area... I'm all over it. If someone asks me to do something that ,although might not be work related, involves me being creative... I'm all over it. Even if it's just making a poster for them. But I feel like I need to try and sort this. I haven't been pulled-up yet but I have let things get out of control. I've started a to-do list.... it fell by the wayside too. I start with good intentions, "I'll do this" and then bam, it peeters off.

And it's not just at work. I'm the same at home. My bedroom is an absolute disaster. I know it needs sorted, tidied and I get up at the weekend thinking I'll sort it once and for all. I stand and look at it not knowing where to start and so it remains like a bomb site. I will do it at some point, when it gets to absolute breaking point but it doesn't take long for it to become a mess again.

There are other signs too - the stimming - I can't watch TV or have a conversation with someone without playing with my hair. My dad actually commented on it one day, "stop that, I'm sure that means something, it's not right" - or something to that effect. I zone out quite easily when someone is talking to me. I've had talks with my mum where I've realised I don't have a clue what she just said. I get easily distracted, going from one task to another in the middle of one.

I don't know why I'm posting really. I just, I need to sort myself... especially at work. I've considered asking them to 'keep an eye' on me, pushing me a little but they shouldn't have to. I've been there so long, I'm a grown woman. I should be able to do this. My job isn't exactly hard.

How do I sort myself out?

Hi op, you sound a lot like me and I'm on the waiting list to be assessed. Your description of your younger years seems especially similar.

Your GP can do a checklist thing to see if you meet the criteria for further assessment. Sometimes this can take years though and a lot have ended up going private. My area is reviewing its services for adult ADHD so I won't be seen for ages.

From my reading around the subject, women can experience changes I. Their coping with ADHD dependent on hormones. I think perimenopause might be at play with me as everything exploded about two years ago (I'm 43).

I do the same thing with lacking follow through and it makes life so hard. I have a lot of responsibility in my job and I am so scared I am going to mess up something important.

There's a lot out there to read about the subject which is good. I quite like "how to ADHD" on you tube as the videos are short and give good advice.

I was very much like "I just need to get organised and then it'll be ok, I just need to make a list of things to work through, I just need to start things earlier and not put stuff off". Now I'm a bit gentler with myself. I set three goals for a day and not a massive list. Can you put self checking methods into your work? I'd be reluctant to mention this to your bosses without a diagnosis to back you up.

Hope you figure something out.

I have had success with just starting with a tiny job at home - I'll tell myself I only have to tidy my dressing table...but usually do more.

I also have a system for tidying - lift rubbish and recycling, make bed, put away clothes, tidy surfaces (sometime sjust neatening stuff into piles) then hoover. Damp cloth to dust. Tuners help me too. I am embarrassed to admit that I e had success with housework podcasts where they give you a time limit to do things.

Be kind to yourself, you are doing the best you can.

Hi OP. If you are in England you can ask your GP to refer you for an assessment through Right to Choose. It's much quicker than waiting on the NHS.

I was diagnosed last year at the age of 32. I now take medication and the difference its made to my work and home life is phenomenonal. I no longer struggle with impulsivity. Meds won't solve everything, mind, and hormones stop them being effective. Adhd symptoms are often worse during a period and the menopause.

Having the diagnosis has helped me accept my differences big time. This has helped me a lot because now I know why I do X, Y, Z. I have more compassion and patience. I stim without caring what others say.

If you can get an assessment I'd strongly encourage it!

I have adhd ,It's really hard for me to be organised with kids especially since I had them young ,I actually was always back and forth with mental health services about my depression and even diagnosed as bipolar until I saw a video on Facebook and realised omg that's me ! It's adhd ! the issue is women tend to present symptoms internally like boys are deemed naughty as they tend to have slightly different symptoms and girls are deemed just lazy or distracted so women tend to fall through the net ,It's definitely worth being assessed as it can run in the family and it's easier if your kids are showing symptoms for them if you are diagnosed for them to be able to get help too ,I was medicated for around 6 months and in that time I felt like a superhuman cracking on with life like a normal person lol problem is it's amphetamines they give you and I found them to be really addictive and I also lost so much weight fast as it reduces your appetite so I decided to stop ,definitely get assessed as it really is so uplifting to be adhd and then suddenly have an explanation as to why life is like it is! Doesn't really get easier but it makes you be kinder to yourself

This is me too. I've also only twigged recently after I think, the hormone we lack I now double lack on menopause and I hit the deck big time last year with burn out

I was always being told off for daydreaming in school, I fin di t very hard to do anything I'm not interested in without a hard deadline, preferably externally imposed. I leave tasks half done - if tidying up I'll put stuff at the bottom of the stairs to go upstairs then abandon the whole thing.

It's been suggested to me I might want to self refer for autism assessment (DS has just been diagnosed and I see so much of myself in him). I know that for adult ADHD assessment services locally are absolutely swamped with referrals.

Very undecided about what to do.

I’m in my mid 60s. Have had lifelong difficulties with work, relationships, organisation, finishing things, butting into conversations, not being able to wait in a queue without getting really angry, so and and so forth. I’ve had therapy on an off since I was in my 20s. A friend of mine told me she was being assessed and listed her symptoms. I went home and did some online tests and scored highly in all of them. I’m not sure where to go from here and whether a diagnosis at this age will help but it sure would help make sense of what I see as a failed life.

This is me down to a t.
I am 50 and since I was a very small child I have struggled with so many things which the average person seems to take in their stride.
I constantly procrastinate, can not get my arse into gear with most things, could literally stare at a wall all day achieving sod all. Every day stuff is like a monumental task in my head.
As a result I come across as flakey, unsociable, unreliable, messy, lazy, air headed etc. It’s far from fun and I’ve always been at the butt of my family’s jokes as a result of the way I am. It’s left me with very low self esteem because I believed this of myself.
I just just don’t think anyone will take me seriously at 50 so I’ve just resigned myself to living with it and my chaotic lifestyle/the way I am etc.

I know what you mean. I’m thinking of going to my GP to see if I can get a referral. To just feel a bit more content with life in my old age seems like a reasonable goal.

thishasalwaysbeenme it has always felt, to me, like I have a piece of my life ‘jigsaw’ missing and maybe that missing piece is ADHD or Autism. I’m not sure I would take medication if I were diagnosed with ADHD but I wonder if I’d feel more content just knowing and understanding why I’ve felt different all my life.

This is me, always with a to-do list that keeps me sane, but I ignore as soon as I'm tired.
I'm tired today, which means that I'd rather stare at the wall than get anything done, hence posting this at 10 a.m. on a workday instead of getting on with the job in hand.
My brain gets fried if things are messy, office or at home.
I make lists, but then another and then overcomplicate them for good measure.

Some people are my tribe, and others not, and I can spot them a mile off, they either 'get me' or they don't, and I just don't care anymore.

Since the menopause, things have got a lot worse, I can barely function some days.

I do find that listening to binaural beats does help me to concentrate at work, so that's a recent improvement.

But I'm self-employed, and I get in my own way because I go on a downward spiral of disorganisation and motivation very very quickly.

I wish that I could find the magic button.

the subreddit r/adhd is a good one, and I think there's a women's adhd one too. I have found it really helpful. Also exercise. I cannot overstate the benefits of a good workout! It raises dopamine and helps me feel human.

I do strenuous boot camp exercise three times a week, and can agree, it makes me feel really human again. Whilst I'm running up and down the street, or doing dastardly burpees, it switches my brain off.

Hi, you’ve just described me exactly. Diagnosed earlier this year, and I’ve just reached the top of the list for meds/titration through the right to choose thing through my GP.
however in the last month I have done the following and that is helping:
drink 2litres water a day
10,000 steps a day
high protein diet
No refined sugar v little alcohol
using a habit tracker app to make sure i do these
less caffeine - 2 cups of tea a day vs previous 8-10
I was self medicating/dopamine seeking with alcohol and food.

a part of me thinks it’s my latest obsession.

but I feel amazing.

I have an adhd coach (work are finding initial sessions)
I have a pt to keep me on track with food and exercise. (External motivation).

i have noise cancelling headphones for work, and i have a playlist of songs that give me dopamine. I play this at work to keep me going through boring tasks. These are songs that if they came on the radio in the car I’d turn them up and drive faster. I listed to the ketchup song on repeat this week for 8 hours. Got loads done.

i made a list (messy list) of symptoms that resonated with me and took it to my gp.

also I use the pomodoro method at work to get started on things. Once I’m spreadsheeting I find I don’t want to stop.

just recognising that this is a thing. I’m not just shit, and having some strategies has massively helped.

good luck x