Son and extra-curricular activities

[Hevasparkle]

Hi all. I’m looking for some advice/discussion/similar experiences.

my son is 6. He is in a very small primary school class (18 children, majority boys who can be query boisterous). He does seem to have a few friends and we have had a few of these over to play. However he has never been invited back or been invited to parties etc. At times he will tell me he has nobody to play with at school and the teacher has confirmed that he does spend a lot of play time alone. This will go on for a few weeks at a time then he seems to reintegrate more for a while. When we speak about it he tells me the others don’t want to play the games he want. He does seem mostly happy at school although we do get the odd morning where he will resist going in.

my son loves staying at home and seems to prefer adult company, though he is very shy when out and about. I have tried him with a few different extra-curriculum activities - beavers, boys brigade, gymnastics and dancing (he loves tumbling around at home and is naturally an amazing dancer). But he hasn’t kept any of it going and has gotten quite upset when we have tried to encourage, and I’m just not sure how much to push the issue. He constantly says he just wants to be home. On occasion he will show interest in playing with other children and loves a 1:1 play date, he just doesn’t seem to cope well in groups.
he plays well with his older sister (7) however she is very extroverted and I can’t keep up with her social calendar!

I know he is only 6 and the main thing is that he is happy, but I do wonder should I be worried? His grandparents certainly seem to think he should be doing more outside school at this stage. Lots of his peers at school have loads of activities going on. I know everyone has a different baseline but I worry about him not having friends and how this could impact him. anyone else’s children the same who could share their thoughts?

My son has always been really introverted and we did a whole array of extra curricular activities of which none lasted the distance. And he has always preferred adult company.
He is 14 now but believe it or not, he is always out and about! Barely been home this summer. He has a fantastic work ethic and got a paper round as soon as he turned 13, so he is doing that 6 days a week. He volunteers as part of his duke of Edinburgh award, and he has a little part time job in our local market helping out a relative. He does see friends too, just not all the time, but it's on his terms. He's happy and confident and I'm really proud of him - having a home body doesn't mean he'll be a hermit.
Is there an interest your son wants try? As alternatives to sporty/very social groups, how about a coding club? Or a musical instrument? The activity that lastest longest for my son was golf - he is a very laid back soul I don't think he liked the rush of active sports and groups.

Thanks for your reply, it’s reassuring!
he isn’t really interested in musical instruments, but he has always loved crazy golf so I may look into something like that, thanks for suggestion!

My youngest was a bit like this ( still is) - although he’s more initially shy then can be quite sociable. He often plays by himself at school which really worried me, but at the same time teacher and other parents would tell me he is popular. He also never really stuck at after school activities. However something changed mid way through year 3 and he now has 3 activities that he loves and has continued ( one of which is actually dance!). I think it was a combination of getting older, plus I realised he doesn’t really enjoy team sports. I also paid for a private lesson or two at one of the activities ( dance) which seemed to give him confidence to then join the group class. The other activity he started as an after school club so less threatening but now continues it away from school. He does remain a home body who likes chilling on his own in his room ( opposite of my eldest!)

I should also add he has always tended to have a lot of friends who are girls.

Ds was never particularly keen on doing extra things at that age, but he did beavers and dance, and I'd say was okayish about going. Didn't want to stop, but wasn't bothered if he missed them.
However when he was 8yo he was really ill for a term and a half, and had to give everything up. When he was better enough, I wanted him to do something, because all he wanted to do was sit at home on screens. So I told him that he had to do one thing. I didn't mind what, as long as he did one thing after school once a week.

I gave him a long list to choose from and also said he didn't have to keep the one he chose up, but he had to go weekly (unless ill) and if he gave it up he'd have to choose something else.

He chose drama.
Not because he liked the idea of doing drama, but simply because it was only an hour and close to home.
The first term he complained every week. I asked him if he wanted to choose something different for the next term and he said "no". That was the "least bad".
The second term he complained every week... for about half the term. Then he came out and asked if he could do a second class on a Saturday.
After I'd picked myself off the floor, I agreed. A term later he added musical theatre to it.
He's now 16yo, and when he was doing the most, he was doing 15 hours with the drama group a week in different classes, over five days including all day on Saturday, although he stopped some of those this last year because of school work.
He still does it, and now he moans when it isn't on and can't wait to get there, He'd have been totally happy in lockdown if only his drama classes had been face to face rather than zoom.

I'm not saying drama is perfect for your ds, but you could take similar idea of giving him a list to choose from and saying he needs to do one.

In contrast his older sisters loved doing all activities and, particularly with dd2, I had to restrict the amount rather than encourage!

My DS main love is also drama. Drama and dance basically.

Nice to see so many dancing DSs here! That was one of my DS' things at that age. He signed up for everything and now he is an incredibly busy teen.

However, my DD has always been solitary by nature, has had few friends, and hates organised activities. We tried the full range when she was younger but nothing stuck. Then, aged 10, she stumbled on a solo outdoors activity she enjoyed (wildlife photography) which became a big hobby. Apart from that, she was home, endlessly drawing; and now she's at art school.

So everyone's different, and I'm sure that OP's DS will find his passion eventually. You're doing the best you can!