To hen do or not?

[rrrrrreatt]

It’s my friend’s hen do this weekend in our home town, we’re not hugely close but have known each other a long time and my best friend is organising it.

I committed to go a while back but I’m really struggling with my mental health and I just can’t face it. I don’t want to drink, I don’t know some of the people going and I can’t predict how I’ll feel until I wake up on the day. I’m happy to pay for any deposits lost by me not going and a bottle of Prosecco for the bride to be.

I’m worried cancelling so close to the day will upset my friends, especially the girl whose hen do it is. When I mention to my partner that I don’t want to go he looks upset and says I should go because I don’t go out a lot anymore and I deserve to have fun which makes me feel like I’m letting him down too.

We’ve been renovating for half a year and live in a building site, our neighbour hates any noise so sends us angry messages and screams at me in the street and I’ve been working to the bone in a high pressure remote working job I hate to keep the money coming in - I’m totally burnt out and unhappy.

My life isn’t bad and I know I’m very lucky in a lot of ways but it’s all just so relentless and I don’t know how to fix it. I just about manage to make it through every week to the weekend and I want to stay in without my everything’s ok mask on for a bit.

What would you do? Should I just suck it up because it’s not about me? Or is it better to bail so I don’t ruin what should be a lovely day for my friend?

Go, don't drink, and if you aren't enjoying it, leave early. Have a reason for leaving that sounds genuine.

Definitely go. You sound like me and I've started making myself go to things. Turns out I actually have fun.

Have a great time xxx

I would bail, if you really don't feel up to it don't put pressure on yourself, it's not the end of the world, hope you feel better soon x

I'd go and not drink. Stay a while but if you aren't enjoying it feign a headache. I don't like people telling lies but in this case it would save hurt feelings.

I think you should go. I’ve felt like you do and actually felt so much better after forcing myself to do things. As a PP said you may enjoy it way more than you think you will. It’s so easy when life is relentless to get stuck in the dull gray grind of it all but actually having that social connection with others is really important for your mental health.
Go - and if you’re not enjoying yourself leave early - say you have a migraine or something. Hope you do go and that you have a lovely time…

Life is for living.

It sounds like you’ve been having a tough time lately. Why not go out, forget your worries and have some fun.

ah you’re going to get mixed replies which probably won’t help you! I can see arguments for both going and not going. Going - yes you may have fun. Not going - you want to protect your mental health and rest.

The crux for me would be how many people do you not know on the hen and will you be spending your evening making small talk with people you don’t know, and will this be effort for you or are you naturally outgoing and enjoy small talk?

If there’s a number of people you know already that you’ll be chatting to then I’d be more inclined to say go as you may enjoy yourself.

Thank you for the conflicting replies, it made me see a compromise might be best because there’s benefits to going and staying in.

I spoke to the bride to be and explained I’d still really love to come but haven’t been feeling great so might go home early evening, which she was totally fine with. I only know 2 or 3 of the 10 girls going and it’s lunchtime til the wee hours so it’s quite a lot of small talk.

I’m normally outgoing, I love meeting new people and socialising, but I don’t feel like I have much left in me at present. I think @runningonberocca summed it up perfectly as getting stuck in the dull gray grind!

Glad to read that you have had a conversation, come to a decision and that it is understood.

Agree with pp glad the bride was understanding! Enjoy! :)