To prefer smaller groups of friends and I'm not going to force myself to participate in things I don't enjoy any more

[Kittiekattie]

I'd describe myself as an introvert, happy in my own company, like a fairly quiet life, although I've a hobby I enjoy and love reading. I've good friends of many years and enjoy meeting them and family.

For years I attended events that I didn't really want to because I felt I should and because I wanted people to like me- I have always been a people-pleaser. However, I've come to a stage in my life now where I want to decline things I really don't want to do - more so with acquaintances than friends.

Any tips on less people--pleasing and wanting people to like me?

That's how I started.

I now realise I don't like most people and wonder why on earth I wanted to please them or be anywhere near them.

The people i knew made out that there was something wrong with me and that they were the dogs bollocks, truth is everyone I ever met had issues and they were no superior to me at all.

I can't be bothered sorting through to find the diamonds.

Dh doesn’t do big parties/ drinks parties etc. He enjoys going out with small
groups of friends or to dinner parties with smaller groups or likes sports in bigger groups but not just making small talk and chatting. He just politely declines and says it’s not his thing. I go by myself to quite a few parties. To be fair, he would go to milestone parties of good friends even though not really his thing as he’d recognise it’s more about celebrating that person than about his feelings on the matter but he avoids Christmas/ summer drinks parties like the plague 🤣. He’s skip an engagement party but go to the wedding. If not invited to the wedding then he’d assume they’re not really bothered about his attendance at the engagement party.

I think it’s about balancing what you want and what would mean a lot to your friends

DH is not unsociable but he is introverted and prefers smaller groups.

I relate to this and have finally accepted that it's ok for me not to want to go on these big expensive busy hen do weekends, of which there appears to be several a year, and I can just politely decline. It's taken many years, a lot of self perceived pressure, a lot of 'not my cup of tea hen do's', and lots of money spent on these, for me to get to this point.

Just politely decline.

People will get the hint and stop inviting you soon enough. No-one likes to be continually turned down, so by the time you’ve said ‘no’ a few times, that will be it.

You do have to be careful what you wish for, since loneliness can be crippling, the older you get.

i am same as you, i've been doing it for a few years now, refusing. my best friend is polar opposite, goes to every party, event, etc. and all her kids stuff now they are older. i honestly just can't be bothered with it all and all the socialising, i'm really just that not interested. i hardly drink these days either so i think
my tolerance has dipped due to this. now my friend doesn't invite me as she knows i just don't enjoy them and she has seen me a few times where
my social
anxiety is getting bad. this is soo good now as i felt onlidged sometimes to go with her as a friend. as soon as i am by myself again i'm totally fine. i just have zero patience for groups, always one is the show off, one is the once clinging to her hubby incase he talks to a female, the drunk. they literally just annoy me.
i have no regrets. i went o a wedding last week, whole day in one hotel, a lot of hanging about, drinking etc. couldn't wait to get home and slipped away once the night guests arrived.

I'm not lonely, have many good friends - a group from school too - who I like to and enjoy keeping in touch with. It's the wider circle of acquaintances and things I don't enjoy that I want to cut back on and invest this time with family and smaller circle of close friends.