Advice please- how to explain to DS8 that making ‘sex noises’ is inappropriate?

[Summergarden]

At the end of term DS age 8 came home from school and asked (while we were eating dinner) what ‘sex noises’ were. Thinking I may have misheard him, I asked him what exactly he meant and he vocalised sexual moaning sounds. He said that a boy at school had told him who had learned it from his older brother.

As we also have a younger DD5, I vaguely said that it is something that only grown ups do and that it’s not appropriate to make those sounds in public. I thought that was the end of it but today I’ve had to ask him to stop when he made the sounds several times. His older sister age 11 laughs which eggs him on even more.

Im honestly worried that he will be overheard making the noises at school by a teacher or staff at a holiday club and that they might think there’s a child protection issue. But I’m also concerned about how much to tell him to make clear he needs to stop doing it.

Any guidance anyone can provide on how to speak to DS would be much appreciated.

I would speak to both him and your 11 year old privately and inform them that it is inappropriate and will result in them getting into trouble, then I’d follow through with whatever it is you do- grounded, phone away etc.

Id be worried that he’s learned it from school from another child and imagine that a few of them will be doing it to be silly. If he’s still doing it after the summer then explain you’ll be phoning the school to make them aware. That way you can let the school know that he learned it from another child whilst in school grounds as the school may want to discuss this and investigate.

Soon, depending where you live, he will have the relationship chat and be taught how a baby is made. It will all be professional and you’ll be advised of what is taught. They won’t be discussing sex noises but the act of sex so he will soon be aware of it all. I imagine your 11 year old knows and that’s why she finds it funny encouraging him to be silly.

Same. My 8yo ds also heard these noises from am older boy and I also have younger children. I don't want to make a big deal of it but it makes my flesh crawl when I hear it. I've tried distracting and swiftly moving on. Still not sure what's best to do.

I would tell them what sex is I think and explain why it is so inappropriate. Otherwise you run the risk of him continuing to make the noises when away from you.
I am a teacher and I have had boys make these noises in lessons. It is really annoying and can be upsetting for the others.

You need to explain what sex is for a start. I don't think you can get him to understand the noises are inappropriate unless you do.

Have you actually tried giving him a (minor) bollocking? Make it clear you are cross that he is continuing to do something after being told it is inappropriate, tell him he is under no circumstances allowed to do it in public again, and perhaps point out that if he continues to make inappropriate sounds in public then he will have to stay at home instead of going places! Just because it's "sex noises" doesn't mean you have to treat it any differently to anything else he's been told to stop and carries on anyway.

My 9 year old and 5 year old do that. It was on something on YouTube. I told the 9 year old what the noise meant and told the 5 year old if i ever heard it again there will be no screens for a week. It noise stopped.

How?

do you even bother doing an advanced search before troll hunting?

I would let school know that your son came home talking about this and was told it by child X. I would be concerned as to what that 8yo child had seen.

As far as your DC are concerned, are they generally good, well behaved kids? I'd tell him making those noises are very very naughty, worse than the worse bad word he can think of and he will get into terrible trouble at school for making them. I'd tell him if I ever heard him making them again he'd be sent to his bedroom without any electronic devices. I have no time for misogynistic behaviour and would be very clear that this oversteps all the red lines. I'm pretty relaxed about most parenting stuff but the DC know that I am completely intolerant of this kind of offensive behaviour.

I'd tell your DD separately that she shouldn't laugh because they are sexist and deeply offensive to women. Is she just about to start secondary? Can she handle a discussion about porn and how that exploits women. Because this isn't about a child overhearing their parents by accident, this is due to children accessing porn.

My 8 year old dd was doing exactly the same! She said they're all doing it at school. She even said they're sex noises but doesn't really know what that means.
I just came down hard on her and said its really rude and I never want to hear it again.

Assuming this is real .. just be the parent, of course it's inappropriate and rude. Do you find it hard to discipline your child for swearing, being unkind, telling lies, being selfish? No wonder there are so many entitled young people around if they don't know right from wrong yes, I am aware that I sound like my mother.

Have you told him what the "noises" actually are?

We had an issue with this at my (primary) school recently. The kids all feigned innocence until we told them that if they did it again, we'd call their parents and they'd have to make the noises down the phone to them and they could explain why it was inappropriate. Soon stopped 😉

I've spoken to teachers at different schools. They've also had an issue with it and dealt with it similarly.

this is due to children accessing porn.

Apparently, some of the year 6 boys got it from something on TikTok.

I'm a Primary headteacher and we had a real issue with this last year. A lot of the older boys were making a horrible porny "ohyeeeah!" moan and it was beyond inappropriate. I had to get loads of parents in and I made the children repeat the noise to the parents so they knew exactly what I was referring to. Much mortification all round. Of course it all originated online from tik tok, YouTube, etc.

I have 10 and 11 year olds and have had to tell them off repeatedly. Definitely not a noise heard at home.
DH has told them if they are heard elsewhere it'll be a safeguarding concern and we'll be investigated and to stop it obviously. I'm not sure it's the right approach and hasn't dissuaded them anyway. SEN child just does not get why it's wrong, others do but they all laugh along.

I've noticed this too. If it hadn't happened I wouldn't believe a thread on here.
Must definitely be something online. It makes me feel sick but they do it more when I tell them not too.!

I’d just tell them not to do it

Exactly!

"I already told you to stop doing that. If you do it again I will (insert your most effective consequence)'.

With one of my children there was no effective consequence! Nothing that it was actually possible to carry out anyway.

He has grown up into a lovely, well rounded young man with no sense of entitlement though.

We’ve had this 😳
Ive just told him to stop making stupid noises or there’s no pudding.
It’s stopped for now. I’m hating YouTube😡