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Original poster

16 year old. Home time

21 replies

Crapsummer · 08/08/2023 23:32

Living in London. No car. Younger siblings so can't meet up. What time would you like your 16 year old DS home .

OP posts:
Dartmoorcheffy · 08/08/2023 23:42

Depends what part of London, where they are going, who they are with. I would generally say 10pm

DustyLee123 · 09/08/2023 06:46

I assume they’ve left school, so 10pm. But at that age I don’t really think you can dictate.

Mumdiva99 · 09/08/2023 06:50

Doesn't it depend where they are and the journey home? Two doors down playing play station with a mate vs 2 buses and a tube and a 45 minute journey......possibly different answers. Also what have they been doing and who with.....again....coming home from the cinema with a friend who lives a few streets away might be a different answer.

What time do they want to get home and where from and are they travelling alone?

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16 year olds
cuckyplunt · 09/08/2023 06:52

She was generally in by 11 on week nights. Weekends, she did what she wanted as long as I knew where she was. She survived.

cuckyplunt · 09/08/2023 06:54

She knew that her DH and I would fetch her from anywhere at any time in, any emergency, no questions asked, not until the morning anyway. She never availed herself of that service.

VinEtFromage · 09/08/2023 07:01

DustyLee123 · 09/08/2023 06:46

I assume they’ve left school, so 10pm. But at that age I don’t really think you can dictate.

@DustyLee123 of course you can!

If they live with you, you can set a curfew & the child isn't legally an adult for another couple of years either.

@Crapsummer it depends on so many factors, maybe start early (9) & extend as you feel comfortable?!

CaramelicedLatte · 09/08/2023 07:12

VinEtFromage · 09/08/2023 07:01

@DustyLee123 of course you can!

If they live with you, you can set a curfew & the child isn't legally an adult for another couple of years either.

@Crapsummer it depends on so many factors, maybe start early (9) & extend as you feel comfortable?!

Show quote history

You really can’t. A 16 year old will likely push back, and once they’re 16 the police won’t return them if then decide to go anywhere any time.

Source: my mother’s bad controlling behaviour, my reaction and the lack of consequence.

PandaGrump · 09/08/2023 07:13

I say 10.30pm is check in time for my 16 year old. If she’s not in by then I want to know her location and who she’s with and the plan for the rest of the evening.

redskytwonight · 09/08/2023 07:44

I'd say 10pm as a general time, but later would be ok if discussed first (and I'd want to know at least roughly where they were, who they were with and their plan to get home).

CurlewKate · 09/08/2023 09:05

We live in a small town with lots of small towns/villages nearby and dc's
school friends lived scattered around. We had a rule that they told me if they went to a different town so I knew roughly where they were. We also had the "I'll pick you and as many others as I can fit in the car from wherever whenever" agreement.

GreyCarpet · 09/08/2023 09:15

We all follow the Cinderella rule - home by midnight (unless you call to say otherwise or want a lift!).

FrogsWormsandCaterpillars · 09/08/2023 09:18

VinEtFromage · 09/08/2023 07:01

@DustyLee123 of course you can!

If they live with you, you can set a curfew & the child isn't legally an adult for another couple of years either.

@Crapsummer it depends on so many factors, maybe start early (9) & extend as you feel comfortable?!

Show quote history

9 is ridiculously early. My now 16 year old had a 9pm curfew at 14. Now she doesn’t have one and is always back at a reasonable time.
I was raised with very strict rules about when I needed to be in etc, until I left home at 19 and I was rolling in at 5am with my parents having no idea where I’d been or who I was with and I don’t want my daughter to do that, so I trust her.

GreyCarpet · 09/08/2023 09:34

FrogsWormsandCaterpillars · 09/08/2023 09:18

9 is ridiculously early. My now 16 year old had a 9pm curfew at 14. Now she doesn’t have one and is always back at a reasonable time.
I was raised with very strict rules about when I needed to be in etc, until I left home at 19 and I was rolling in at 5am with my parents having no idea where I’d been or who I was with and I don’t want my daughter to do that, so I trust her.

Show quote history

Same here. I was constantly told that when I was 18 and an adult, I could do what I wanted. The problem was that I left home at 18 to go to university and had no idea how to navigate the outside world!

I didn't want that for my children either.

GreyCarpet · 09/08/2023 09:34

She also never stays out beyond 10 despite the cinderella rule unless she's sleeping over at a friend's.

CurlewKate · 09/08/2023 09:36

We also had the "Don't do anything or be anywhere that would make me look like a bad mother if you go missing and the police make me do a TV appeal." rule. DS told me recently that this one actually stopped him doing "something stupid" (he didn't specify what!) on two occasions.

Original poster
Crapsummer · 09/08/2023 10:35

CaramelicedLatte · 09/08/2023 07:12

You really can’t. A 16 year old will likely push back, and once they’re 16 the police won’t return them if then decide to go anywhere any time.

Source: my mother’s bad controlling behaviour, my reaction and the lack of consequence.

Show quote history

My 16 year old does push back as you say. I was just wondering if my ds comes home within the normal bracket . But there does not seem to be one . Ideally I would like ds home by 10.30/11
Reality is it won't happen. And there's really nothing I can do .

OP posts:
StarlightLady · 09/08/2023 10:41

I don't think you can have a default time. It's a case of where are they going, who are they with. You can't expect them to, say, leave a concert or a film early.

GreyCarpet · 09/08/2023 11:43

Crapsummer · 09/08/2023 10:35

My 16 year old does push back as you say. I was just wondering if my ds comes home within the normal bracket . But there does not seem to be one . Ideally I would like ds home by 10.30/11
Reality is it won't happen. And there's really nothing I can do .

Show quote history

What time are they getting home?

GreyCarpet · 09/08/2023 11:44

Sorry, what time is he getting home?

Seeline · 09/08/2023 11:49

We really dealt with things on an individual basis - what were they doing, where were they, what was the journey home/did they need a parent to pick them up, was it a 'school' night etc. Generally 10-10.30 was expected during the week unless it was something special. If they needed a lift, usually before midnight.
I expected to be updated if they eg decided to change plans, location.
If they were noisy getting in and waking others then words were had.

VinEtFromage · 09/08/2023 15:00

FrogsWormsandCaterpillars · 09/08/2023 09:18

9 is ridiculously early. My now 16 year old had a 9pm curfew at 14. Now she doesn’t have one and is always back at a reasonable time.
I was raised with very strict rules about when I needed to be in etc, until I left home at 19 and I was rolling in at 5am with my parents having no idea where I’d been or who I was with and I don’t want my daughter to do that, so I trust her.

Show quote history

@FrogsWormsandCaterpillars

is your daughter reliant on public transport? In a big city? Parents who can't drive to pick her up if she gets stuck?

there are too many variables in children , area, transport etc to say what time is appropriate for the OP's child.

she asked what time I'd like my child in. At 16, in her situation so I said what I would start with.

it doesn't matter to me whether you agree with me or not 🤷🏻‍♀️

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