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Concerned about trouble but cannot uninvite

14 replies

irrationallypink · 08/08/2023 17:47

Prepared to be told I am being irrational. Regular poster but NC for obvious reasons, as not to connect to any other posts.
I am apprehensive of/fear my own sister. She’s bullied me in the past and continues to be derisive and passive aggressive at any opportunity. She is the sort who has an issue with everyone else; does not take accountability for her own behaviour and feels like the victim very easily. I don’t know if it’s mental health issues or what- I suppose that’s irrelevant in the main.

We are planning our wedding and I am anxious that she will make things uncomfortable. She has always been very skilled and clever socially, and can read people very well. This can be a great intuitive trait but she unfortunately uses it to manipulative and confuse.

I have a couple of relatives who see through it but I am a bit on edge to be honest… she also makes it OVERLY clear that she hates DP & has never let him hold/near my niece who we’ve only met a few times in a couple of years. It’s not personal to him and she’s the same with SIL and my cousin, and sometimes me depending on what mood takes her!

I do have to have her there, it will look bizarre to family if not and I wish it was just as easy to not but it would cause more problems. I just need some tactics to implement if things do go south.

OP posts:
irrationallypink · 08/08/2023 20:11

Bump

OP posts:
pinkgrapefruitjuicepie · 08/08/2023 20:14

You dont have to have her there no but there would be consequences. What would the consequences be of not having her there?

irrationallypink · 09/08/2023 16:34

pinkgrapefruitjuicepie · 08/08/2023 20:14

You dont have to have her there no but there would be consequences. What would the consequences be of not having her there?

Everyone in the family would think it was me with the issue

OP posts:
OneFrenchEgg · 09/08/2023 16:37

Invite her, stick her in a table with people she gets on with, don't invite her opinion or assistance with anything

RedHelenB · 09/08/2023 16:38

OneFrenchEgg · 09/08/2023 16:37

Invite her, stick her in a table with people she gets on with, don't invite her opinion or assistance with anything

This.

LylaLee · 09/08/2023 16:38

Can you recruit the two who have her number?

"Uncle Charlie and aunt Sue, you know what Kath is like. Could you wrangle her at the wedding and make sure she doesn't ruin the day?"

Also recruit a bridesmaid to run interference.

RadishAndTwiglet · 09/08/2023 16:40

Do you actually speak to her and get on reasonably civilly with her, even though there is this underlying tension? What is it you are afraid will happen?

Fraaahnces · 09/08/2023 16:41

I’d go so far as to get one of them to slip her a laxative or two so if she starts giving everyone else the shits, she’ll want to leave rather quickly herself.

cheezncrackers · 09/08/2023 16:46

I agree with the sticking her on a table with people she likes as hopefully then she'll have a good time and not cause any trouble. Outwit her OP with your seating plan!

CurlyTandtheTangles · 09/08/2023 16:51

Elope.

irrationallypink · 09/08/2023 20:18

LylaLee · 09/08/2023 16:38

Can you recruit the two who have her number?

"Uncle Charlie and aunt Sue, you know what Kath is like. Could you wrangle her at the wedding and make sure she doesn't ruin the day?"

Also recruit a bridesmaid to run interference.

Good idea - no bridesmaids, we are eloping and it’s reception only

OP posts:
irrationallypink · 09/08/2023 20:19

OneFrenchEgg · 09/08/2023 16:37

Invite her, stick her in a table with people she gets on with, don't invite her opinion or assistance with anything

No seating plan that’s the problem and people will mingle. I can’t describe it, her presence just makes me uncomfortable

OP posts:
Fraaahnces · 10/08/2023 23:57

Can you set up some understanding friends and family to “body guard” her? If she starts stirring the pot have security boot them. (Obvs let them know ahead o time it may be a possibility)

UsingChangeofName · 11/08/2023 00:41

Good idea - no bridesmaids, we are eloping and it’s reception only

I am now confused.
If you are eloping, then surely the very definition is that you and your partner are going away to get married - just the two of you.
So you don't have to invite her, or anyone else.

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