How do you stop feeling bad in certain situations? (Returning an item to a shop)

[ImDoingThisNow]

I bought something (large DIY shop) that was recommended as being the right thing by someone who worked at the shop - think trying to buy correct paint and being told to buy masonry paint instead of metal, or something like that. It was totally wrong as I found as soon as I started using it.

It wasn't cheap and I then had to go and buy something else to replace it - expensive as well. I bought from a different place, same chain, and a worker there suggested I tried to return the product to the original shop seeing as I bought it on recommendation.

I tried this and the person on customer services was not happy with this at all. She referred me on and the next person said I could get the refund on a store card, which I thought was a good solution. The first person still wasn't happy and made sure that it wasn't on her, but the other employee.

Now I just feel bad and this feeling will stay with be all evening. Why can't I just brush it off?

Are you a people pleaser?

Why do you feel bad? I’d be annoyed at the shop giving me bad advice!

Why are you feeling bad? Is it because someone was "not happy"?

I've found it useful to remember that someone else's emotions are not my responsibility but are theirs to manage.

Thank you. This is why I posted and what I needed. I am a people pleaser, but can’t seem to get it right when trying not to be 🫣

I was originally going to swallow the cost (didn’t think I could return something under these circumstances) and only did it after the other employee suggested I should.

I feel bad because the first lady was so outspokenly skeptical. She didn’t agree with the advice of the second man (who she had told me I needed to ask because he needed to make the decision) who said I could have it put on a store card and she was quite outspoken about that. She said it had to be done under his name so it was nothing to do with her. I don’t want him to get into trouble in any way on my behalf.

I'm like this but struggle with social anxiety.

Ultimately in this scenario you did nothing wrong. We can't control how other people choose to be or what attitude they take to a situation that involves us. I worked in retail for years and it's a non event really OP. She would only refer you on to someone else because she didn't have the authority or work level to authorised the refund. Presumably she was a sales advisor or supervisor and called over a supervisor or a manager who made a judgement call and offered a solution that they are perfectly entitled to make, hence why the function is there. It's not really any of her business and she shouldn't be making a show of it - in particular the performance about it going on someone else's name. It obviously would do anyway. The staff member with the level of till code to be able to even do it would have to enter this to action the refund in the first place and she knows that. She was just being daft.

Nobody is getting in trouble, the first woman is presumably being performative because she felt you shouldn't get a refund and wanted you not to and then was overriden. That's her own doing, her own (poor) attitude to it and her own understanding, not the fault of your request.

The store P&L will ultimately survive a perfectly acceptable refund to gift card for a valid reason. I'd shake it off and move on.