When did you start to notice traits of autism in your DD?

[thisisasurvivor]

Hello all

Asking this because I read recently that it is more noticeable around 5/6
Not sure how accurate that is

Just got me thinking
This weekend my DD was covering her ears every time we talked
She is 5
Never worried too much before

But

She is such a picky eater and struggles with others at school xxxxx

My son is 28 and in hindsight he displayed so many red flags ie slow talker,
labels on clothes had to be removed
party when three had to be over 2 days because of too many children
obsession with toys
refusing to wear new clothes
as a teenager refusing to wear new clothes
hating crowds and shopping
But he had good social skills and very popular. He now thinks he is autistic but is functioning well .
I now wonder if I should have got him assessed as a child but am not sure what the advantages would have been.

This is one of those "How long is a piece of string?" questions.

My eldest (6.5yo) was "odd" from a very young age, had her first hyperfocus/special interest from 8 months old to over 2 years old and also had loads of other small indicators and was just not quite the same as the kids I had cared for who were NT but I couldn't put my finger on it (and healthcare professionals put it down to my depression/anxiety seeing things that were not there). Ironically I was a childcare professional specialising in working with autistic families pre-kids and did not pick up on it, I knew she was different but it took my colleagues suggesting looking into adhd when she was 4 and the first paediatric consultant we spoke to suggested it due to a few key issues we had with her, namely being extremely 'over' sensitive, very extreme reactions to relatively simple Halloween decorations at her nursery, hated people having any kind of makeup or face paint or face covering, even just a red button nose painted on people being 'elves' who we walked past at Christmas, or a small masquerade mask, and we couldn't enter shops after October due to santas face being front and center until last year. We think the obvious 'onset' was delayed for her as she was with a childminder (smaller group than the second nursery which she got pulled out of within a couple of months) and then didnt go to school as she's home educated, she started showing the more obvious signs about a year ago, maybe slightly longer (so would have been nearing year 1 if in school). Most auties I've known who have been in nursery/school tend to start showing those signs in reception year, but not always. Every childcare professional she's been with has raised the "have you looked into whether she may be autistic...." question as well, she's had a few thanks to moving and covid. They all picked up on some differences within a few sessions.
Like singleandprouds DD she also cannot imagine her own things; she will mix storyline from things she's watched/read/heard but cannot come up with anything 'original'.

My 4yo, otoh, seemed NT until she was 3ish. We suspect she is autistic with a PDA profile and her meltdowns involve violence directed at her direct family members. We had hoped it was a late terrible twos thing but we are now seeking outside support as it's beyond normal toddler/preschool behaviour and has markers similar to what some of my ex-charges had when they were struggling with emotional regulation. She has other things that are going on too, she repeats phrases she enjoys a lot, some have become regular daily fixtures in our house now! She also chose not to attend a childcare setting when we relocated last summer (I didn't need childcare at that point and the only one she liked were a tiny new setting whose ofsted registration open date were delayed by 3 months so she didn't want to go when it finally opened 😭) and struggles in groups in different ways to her sister, she tends to not ed short bursts in busy places and then to be removed as otherwise later on she suffers more emotional/social come down, whereas 6yo needs a lot of support socially in the moment and needs to be told things directly, which a lot of kids won't do for fear of being 'rude', so I have to intervene a lot to help her navigate social situations, she also becomes obviously overwhelmed and needs social in small chunks. I suspect had she been in school she wouldn't have lasted for long, whereas I think my 4yo would cope in school by masking and we'd deal with the fall out at home. Eldest would need a one to one in school to keep herself and others safe from her impulsive behaviours, 4yo would need to be kept an eye on and taken off for a break regularly (though obviously no resources for that in most schools! And masking so they wouldn't necessarily notice and she wouldn't realise she needs it).

I think it's important to add though that I'm diagnosed adhd and likely autistic, my husband (their dad) is autistic and our wider families are mostly undiagnosed but very likely a mix of neurospicy, particularly our mothers but siblings too.

Noise sensitivity can be part of the wider picture of being autistic or adhd or neurodiverse, but it can be an indicator of other things as well, or 'just' a thing in itself.

@iminvestednow I'm not sure if that was a question for me.

In my experience 'low needs' autism doesn't need treatment as such but it does require knowledgeable parents and patience and understanding more than anything else. Having a diagnosis means that you have a starting point to work from, that your child isn't just being fussy/ rude/ anti social/ stubborn so that you change your parenting style to suit them and teach them to navigate the world in a way that works for them.

It also requires knowledge and acceptance from other people "she's fine", " she doesn't look autistic" are phrases uttered regularly about children with lower support needs when yes, they are working very hard to fit in but are absolutely shattered when they get home.

I started noticing social differences and anxiety in Y3, op.

what I see on lots of threads won’t be made until at least 6/7 - before that it will be developmental delay)

Right. DD could read at 3, could add up and take away count in twos.

Development delay isn’t always there, they can be way ahead.

Also, be careful with removing her pad. If she is autistic, it may be her way of regulating. My 6yo cannot regulate herself for any quiet/down time without her pad or watching something. She can do it with one to one with my husband and I playing board games or doing jigsaws or drawing, but we can't always do that. I do wanted to be screen free but I've since done a lot of reading on how screens help autistics regulate.

We also have a lot of climbing/physical play equipment in the house which helps massively so she can use those when we need to sit or do something but she can't regulate. We have one of those ladders attached to the wall and a load of those "river stones" from aldi or lidl and they've been worth every penny for regulating purposes.

First noticed about age 7.
Very very bright at school (could read and write at 3). Began to excel at music (now plays 4 instruments at grade 8), but if anyone in her group at primary school hit a bum note whilst playing in a music group she would tell them they had let everyone down and run out of the room. Couldn't understand why this would upset another child.
Started to develop PDA, so that she needed time to plan and prepare for the next activity. Also needed (still needs) lots of downtime.
Diagnosis was a blessing, she's researched so much for herself and understands herself so well now.

From around 18 months but it was only me to notice, from around 2-3 more people in my family noticed although very subtle. She was diagnosed at 7.

@Singleandproud can I please ask which noise cancelling earphones have helped. My noise sensitivity is causing huge problems in my daily life. Thanks!

I'm now 44, diagnosed at 33 and my mother was heavily involved in the diagnostic process.

My older sister is NT, so my mother had had that experience: in her words, she 'started to get a feeling that something was a bit off' with me when I was around 2/3 and she was pretty convinced by the time I was around 6/7.

(Remember autism diagnoses were rare in the 1980s and almost invisible in girls.)

@SisterWedge DD has two pairs of Anker soundcore ones from amazon, they were on sale for £35 but I think they are £50 normally. They are truly amazing, we went to a bowling alley that had music playing and arcade things on behind us and I tried them on and all I could hear was the dull thud of the ball hitting the aisle.

They can be noise cancelling by themselves, play music, play music and noise cancelling and can also be used as a headset for work if you sync them to your laptop.

Thanks so much @Singleandproud I will invest in some!

some telling signs

. lack of eye contact, avoids eye contact

. flat effect in the voice, lack ability to use prosody

. problems with volume, can talk very loudly or quietly without noticing

. vocal stimming, repeating words or phrases, humming, singing , throat clearing

.other stimming, hand flapping, spinning, running, jumping
less subtle stimming, rubbing face , rubbing hands/feet together, wiggling toes

.sensory overload,
can be covering ears because of loud noises but you dont have to be autistic to have sensory overload

.lack of boundaries with others, such as standing too close or touching other children without permission,
can not communicate at expected level for age group

Following as I feel like my just turned six year old is starting to show signs perhaps

My son was five months old when I noticed sensory issues and it was very obvious by the time he was one years old. We got a diagnosis just before his second birthday. His symptoms and behaviours have changed over time. At the moment he's very sensitive to certain noises, has difficulty regulating emotions, sharing, doesn't interact well with peers, has a severe speech delay, is very rigid with routines, has a limited diet, can be very upset if he doesn't know what to expect from new situations, likes to watch the same TV shows and videos on a loop, is obsessed with logos, counting and likes to touch number plates. He used to be an extremely fussy child who cried relentlessly but is very calm and relaxed now. He is a sensory seeker loves movement and has zero fear of heights can't always recognise when he's in danger.

Stop labelling kids! Who cares! Everyone is different

We had suspicions at a few months. That is because it runs in the family so we were watching for it. We didn’t get a diagnosis until 9yo.

the thing to remember, if your child does have asd, it’s not a race. If your child has profound needs, it will be obvious. Otherwise, as long as you are parenting the child you have and not some stereotypical child, your child will be ok. When you reach a point that it’s becoming more obvious that extra help is needed beyond what you can provide, then you advocate and get that help. Until then, just focus on responding to your child. Customize your parenting to whatever it is your child needs to thrive. With or without neurodiversity, you will be providing the best environment for your individual child.

No! Labels are important. As an adult who was diagnosed adhd a couple of years ago, it has been a revelation.

There's a meme/metaphor that goes around about this:
"Why do you need a label?” Because there is comfort in knowing you are a normal zebra, not a strange horse. Because you can’t find community with other zebras if you don’t know you belong. And bc it is impossible for a zebra to be happy or healthy spending its life feeling like a failed horse."

'Labels' are important for those of us who need them. You have no bloody idea how it feels to basically be told you are shit at everything, knowing that you are failing at being an adult because you cannot do what everybody else seems to manage to do without the same struggles.
Most undiagnosed adults are diagnosed with depression, anxiety, other mental health conditions. Yet treatment for these conditions does sod all, we're on the highest doses of medication for these conditions but they only take the edge off. We can't manage cbt (the favourite therapy) because it doesn't work for ND people.

Most women who are ND cope until they become parents, then it falls apart around them and they're left feeling like failures. Meanwhile they end up having ND children who display challenging behaviour and they are them told that it's them, it's their fault that their child is like that or they are imagining things because they are depressed. Thank god I had colleagues who could see beyond the usual and actually directed me where the HVs I was being for help were failing. Thank goodness I had an amazing paediatric consultant who read through the HV reports claiming I was not willing to work with their recommendations and pointed out that it was ridiculous of them to push it when I too was ND and would struggle with their regimented plans.

A lot of our kids who then go to school end up having to be taken out, some earlier than others, because they have breakdowns. Without that "label" a school is unable to help them manage their needs. And in kids who are good at masking, they are only coming apart at home. They need that label to get their one plans and ehcps in place, or at least an understanding of a potential label.

Love this 🙌🙌🙌🙌

These replies are so helpful

Why the hell does it take so long to get a diagnosed !!!

Why should it cost so much to pay privately ??

Makes me so angry

*No! Labels are important. As an adult who was diagnosed adhd a couple of years ago, it has been a revelation.

There's a meme/metaphor that goes around about this:
"Why do you need a label?” Because there is comfort in knowing you are a normal zebra, not a strange horse. Because you can’t find community with other zebras if you don’t know you belong. And bc it is impossible for a zebra to be happy or healthy spending its life feeling like a failed horse."

'Labels' are important for those of us who need them. You have no bloody idea how it feels to basically be told you are shit at everything, knowing that you are failing at being an adult because you cannot do what everybody else seems to manage to do without the same struggles.
Most undiagnosed adults are diagnosed with depression, anxiety, other mental health conditions. Yet treatment for these conditions does sod all, we're on the highest doses of medication for these conditions but they only take the edge off. We can't manage cbt (the favourite therapy) because it doesn't work for ND people.

Most women who are ND cope until they become parents, then it falls apart around them and they're left feeling like failures. Meanwhile they end up having ND children who display challenging behaviour and they are them told that it's them, it's their fault that their child is like that or they are imagining things because they are depressed. Thank god I had colleagues who could see beyond the usual and actually directed me where the HVs I was being for help were failing. Thank goodness I had an amazing paediatric consultant who read through the HV reports claiming I was not willing to work with their recommendations and pointed out that it was ridiculous of them to push it when I too was ND and would struggle with their regimented plans.

A lot of our kids who then go to school end up having to be taken out, some earlier than others, because they have breakdowns. Without that "label" a school is unable to help them manage their needs. And in kids who are good at masking, they are only coming apart at home. They need that label to get their one plans and ehcps in place, or at least an understanding of a potential label.*

This is the single best explanation I've ever read on why a diagnosis is valuable. Thank you.

The socks and clothes sensory issues is totally normal all my kids have obsessed about socks ‘having feels’ and putting them on and off. Basically kids just want to be naked and free I think!

She was 6/7 when school dropped the bombshell they thought we should consider it.
With hindsight it shouldn't have been so much of a bombshell... There were various things we were 'going she'd grow out of', stuff we were putting down to needing to mature.
There were things we'd adapted to and were used to that we just didn't really take much notice of as they'd become normal so gradually.
She's still the same DD she always was and now we're used to the idea, the understanding of things has helped us parent as well as we can.

Hoping, not going

Puberty

All our hcp's have said HFA in girls should have a different name as it presents so differently to boys .

She was diagnosed at 17 after a private assessment

She ticks all boxes
Eating disorder
Anxiety
Depression
High achiever
Social anxiety
Friendship issues

She was very 'normal ' and still is all her life but struggles socially ..

She is however now at uni and has aced all her exams thus far .