Missing the school run

[Redvapeblacksheet]

NC because well, you know.

I'm just so lonely and down during the school holidays. I've had to carry on working pt and dc has been a complete pain about going to holiday club. I'm on my own so contact with the father is minimal. He had her a few hours last week while I worked and 24 hours over weekend. I've spend a large portion of my free time either cleaning or lying in bed, crying.
I really miss the school run. That was my only social interaction apart from DD. I want to have friends, I want to go out for a drink, but there's just no one.
I tried posting on facebook last night and no one responded. It's like I'm invisible. I've tried clubs and activities but its hard because my childcare is limited.
At least in term time, I feel like I have friends. I try to arrange playdates, mainly so I can have a chat with the other mother but they seem wise to me now. My poor DC never get invited anywhere either.
My parents don't ever visit and normally only call me to get me to deal with their problems.

I never see anyone and no one wants to know me. I've got so much to give and only DC to share it with. That's great in a way as they have lots of attention. I'm so tired though. I crave life, or just a chat. Just about the telly or something lighthearted.

I've deleted all my fb friends after my post because what's the point? They aren't bothered. They do video call me on their nights out to say hello, but it isn't the same is it.

I'd pay. I've offered to pay for 'friends' whole night out if they'd just come with me. Still no. I really, really want to see the barbie film and I can't face it on my own so it looks like I won't be going.

I'm counting down until term time. The DC will be at school and occupied. I will see others every day. I will be able to cope better with my crashing sense of lonliness.

I really, really like music. I try fan groups and its the same. I tried dancing lessons, no one spoke. I tried church and no one spoke.

Am I trying too hard?

Whereabouts are you OP? We could help you find something you can get to or suggest a decent friendly event

Hi OP I think I can relate in some way, about some aspects.

I’m very happy in my own company, don’t actively seek nor go out of
my way to maintain friendships as I just don’t need nor want this types of
commitments enough. I know I’d end up letting someone down or not communicating enough or in the right way etc. I just don’t really know how to behave in a friendship so don’t bother.

I’m introverted but do lots of activities especially sport, as well as some volunteering so I am ‘out and about’ and chatty, and love interactions, but glad to leave too, usually. However every so often there’s a pang of loneliness. Only
infrequently but it does happen.

Am I on the right lines is some way in that you are a bit like this too? The interactions at school are short and not very deep (not actual friendships) but enough for some human relationship in the day?

I can see why you’d miss that, if so.

I’d have nobody to go and see Barbie with for a laugh, etc. either! I am in a long term relationship and have young adult children, but not female mates as such.

I hope I haven’t rambled too much.
I know I’ve not helped either. But some posts eg questioning if your OP was real
or that it’s hard to see how you can have term time acquaintances only really prompted me to reach out with
some solidarity. Those
posts prove to me some just don’t get
what it’s like to be this way. X

Join FROLO

OP, what appears to be coming at you is actually coming from you. Get some therapy. Look at it as paying someone to listen to you until you see things differently.

Stop offering to pay people. It's super weird.

Where are you based?

Not a long term solution but there are threads on here with regular posters who become almost like friends. What are you interested in?

Oh no, feel for you.

My theory is Covid distancing and the fact that we keep the NHS going and people in jobs with our mental health issues from social isolation. Plus, if your pretty, women don’t bother with those prettier. So yeah, parenting is lonely.

In time, they’ll grow up and you’ll get your going out buddy 🙂

Could you get a hobby outside the home? Meet people that way?

I don't think that you are trying too hard. The alternative is not trying and not having the hope. I've been in a similar position. You have to be very persistent because people are just so busy, especially around Xmas. I found that joining something outside of school helped (I've taken up pottery and the group are so lovely). I've also done some voluntary work. I've noticed that, since being a little busier, now I'm not the one always seeing if the other mums are free, but quite often notice that when someone else tries to get a group of us together, they get the same result and there are times when I'm now too busy. I now realise that it's not a 'me' issue and I don't take it so personally. Sometimes it's just a small tweak that can really make a difference.
Another thing that I did was put out a message on a local community group when I had my second baby and was lonely. I ended up making some great friends.

If you are in need of company as a single parent, I can guarantee you that there will be other women in exactly the same position locally, probably just down the road. Why don't you see if any single mums locally want to meet up for a coffee at a certain day in a local cafe.

Don't give up! X