Should I book or not?

[JodyMitchell]

I am a teacher. Years ago I had a mature student who was great but quite erratic, missed deadlines and meetings etc.and we clashed on a couple of occasions. She did well in the end and I think she knew I was on her side.

I bumped into her a few days ago and she said she was performing in something next week. I asked her enthusiastically for a link to the booking details and said I would come. She seemed slightly less than pleased about this (though maybe I am overthinking) and said in a lighthearted way that I shouldn’t tell her in advance which performance I was coming to in case it made her nervous. It took her a few days to send the link and now I am worrying that she would rather I didn’t come.

It’s a very small venue and I guess she will be aware I am there even if I don’t tell her. I don’t want to put her off (despite my support she may feel I am judging her because of my previous role) OTOH it looks like a great production and I’d like to support her.

Maybe any performers reading this can tell me how she might really feel in this situation ?

It could just be nerves and pressure but really she wants you there. If she didn't, she probably just wouldn't have sent you the link.

Dont go

@Callyem we have an unrelated hobby in common so we are very likely to see each other again fairly regularly. That could be the reason she sent the link as I asked for it and she might have thought I would ask her why she hadn’t.

The course she was doing was vocational and involved me assessing her performance in that professional role. That’s why I think she might be reluctant for me to come. But maybe I am overthinking it.

Don't go

It's a sticky one because you don't wanna NOT go if she genuinely is just nervous. Maybe take the direct approach and email saying you've not booked yet as you didn't want to make her feel nervous and see what she replies.

When she sent the link, did she say anything or was it literally just the link?

@Callyem she said ‘come if you can’ when she sent the link. I think that’s a bit lukewarm. Great idea to reply and ask her if it would put her off if I came.

She's choosing to take part in a public performance. Nerves are normal. Performers need to know how to manage them.

Options:

1. Book, don't tell her when, go. (If you feel so inclined, go early in the run)

2. message and ask her if she'd prefer you didn't go. Only do this if you'd be happy not to go.

3. as 1) but go in disguise /s

she said ‘come if you can’ when she sent the link. I think that’s a bit lukewarm
I wouldn't take it that way

As a performer turned teacher I'd say she wants you to go, but doesn't want to know when because then it will add to the standard nerves.

So I'd do as she asked. Go, but don't tell her you are. Sit further back.

Tell her afterwards when you congratulate her on her performance.