Why don't I like this house?

[LucyGru]

Our landlord is selling and we're struggling to find somewhere that is (a) in the right area for schools, (b) in our unimpressive budget, and (c) not a nasty damp shithole.

To give you an idea of how grim the rental housing is here, we looked at one where only the upstairs was for rent because the downstairs had all flooded in January and they decided that rather than fix it they would just rent out the upstairs. WT actual F. (We're not in UK obvs, that would be illegal.)

SO I've just been to look at one, and it's bigger than where we are now, which is great; we need the space, and it has big enough bedrooms for everyone, it's cheaper, it's in-zone, it even has a gorgeous garden and a lovely view. I just feel really flat about it. Am I being an idiot? I can't imagine how we'll use it. I don't want my bedroom to be downstairs and the kids upstairs. We'll never use the garden because the kitchen and living room are at the front of the house, and the garden is down some stairs through the utility room at the back. I think we'll probably apply because how can we not? But I should be excited about it and I'm not and I can't work out why.

Probably because it’s a move forced on you, rather than one of your own choice. Add in a touch ‘I can’t be happy, because it might all get taken away again” dose of anxiety and it’s a recipe for not being ecstatic about the move. All the positives don’t actually belong to you because your are renting. Plus there’s probably some sadness about moving away from where you’ve had happy memories.

But! A move can bring nicer things into your life and it sounds as if there are positives about this. The only certainty about life is nothing stays the same forever (oh the times I’ve wished it would) but as we can’t be ‘static’ in time, you can only go forwards and hope that happiness follows you. Which I’m sure it will once these immediate feelings of ‘meh’ pass - and they will once you find your next place to be.

That's a really kind reply, thank you.
You're right. I don't want to move and I feel so helpless and furious that we can't afford to buy and our home security is at the whim of a landlord. I know the only sensible thing is to roll with the changes and I'm sure the move will bring some unexpected good.

Did you have a mental image of the house you wanted, and this just isn’t it?
From a practical point of view it sounds great. Maybe you’ll get over your disappointment that it isn’t ideal in some ways when you’ve moved in and started to make it your own. The bedroom layout doesn’t sound like a problem, and the route to the garden is no reason not to use it, you’ll get used to it - and you did say it’s gorgeous!
What do the rest of the family think of it?

@LucyGru And those feelings are perfectly valid and acceptable ones - so don’t make yourself fell even worse by thinking you shouldn’t be feeling them. Own those feelings and know that they will pass and be replaced by other emotions.
If it helps at all - I’ve moved a lot over the decades and have in some way hated every single move, even those moves I was active in instigating! But there has always been something, however small or big to look forward to, and unexpected things which have brought happiness. Home is something YOU MAKE, wherever that maybe.

I suppose it's a bit like where we are now. Some pluses, some minuses.

Eldest dd would be getting a bedroom downgrade, but youngest will get an upgrade. I do like the sense of space, and the view.

I prefer where we are now, and I guess I am holding on to the idea that at least if we move, something about the new house will be better overall. Oh well. I'm being silly, and you're right. I'll get used to it and come to like it. Lots to be grateful for, am just having a moment of feeling a bit flat about the whole thing.

Completely understandable. I lived in rented flats for a few years, all on 6 month tenancies, always being told by the agent that there should be no problem renewing. Every single time, the landlord “needed the property back”. I remember the disappointment of having to leave a place I liked and was feeling settled in, and frantically searching for somewhere else, and having to settle for something I didn’t like as much. It’s crushing. I hope things improve for you.