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Original poster

If your baby would only sleep in your arms, what kept you sane?!

26 replies

fungibletoken · 03/08/2023 12:03

DD arrived just over 3 weeks early and very small following placenta issues/FGR. DH and I had been hoping that as she passed her due date and weight gain seemed to have been going well we might be able to start to look at a loose routine - e.g. being put down for sleep at certain points. However, she increasingly won't sleep unless she's being held. Spoke to our GP about various other symptoms and it looks like she's suffering from reflux, so being flat is likely particularly painful for her.

We were given a prescription but before we get started on it I'd like to exhaust other non drug options. If you had a baby that would not be put down, what did you find helped him/her/you? DD is EBF which limits us in some ways but DH is taking her when he can around work so I can nap. I'm otherwise a bit concerned about falling asleep with her in my arms. The most obvious options seem to go against safe sleep guidelines - e.g. raising her head, putting her in a rocker etc. She also seems a bit small for a baby carrier (so we could at least get on with other things in the day) - most seem to start at 3kg or so.

Thank you for any wisdom! For now I'm trying to remind myself that we'll be missing the newborn snuggles in no time 😅

OP posts:
Paperclipped · 03/08/2023 12:07

They didn't exist then, but a Kindle would have helped. I just went with it in the short term, and planned my first novel in my head while sitting propped up in the dark with baby DS on my chest.

mindutopia · 03/08/2023 12:32

I think this is normal at 3 weeks for just about all babies. It does get easier as they get older and will happily sit in a bouncer or on a mat. We used a sling if we really needed to be up and about, but at that age, I mostly just did a lot of sitting and watching tv with a baby. Handed off to dh whenever he was home to go and sleep or shower. For nights, we alternated - one of us did the first shift and one of us did the second - so even if it meant walking around the house for half the night, we'd still get at least about 5 hours of sleep (punctuated by feeds for me). I'd usually sleep 7-10pm, 10:30-1230/1am and then take over and dh would go to sleep until 6am. Leave the house to go to shit for a few more weeks and eat ready meals. This won't be life forever and you don't need to be tidying and cooking. I just focussed on feeding the baby, feeding myself, and sleeping.

It does get easier in a few more weeks. Neither of mine were ever sleeping in cot sort of babies (which was great actually because it meant we could go anywhere and never be a slave to some nap routine), but as they got a bit older, they would sleep in the bouncer (totally fine while supervised and not all the time), in the pushchair, in the sling while doing the shopping, in the car, etc. So I just got on with my day and they slept when they were tired.

RoyalImpatience · 03/08/2023 12:36

Co sleeping cot and sling

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Original poster
fungibletoken · 05/08/2023 09:18

Thanks all - reassuring to hear that this is all very normal and should pass. I'll try to remember that as my NCT WhatsApp group has just pinged with someone saying "baby dictates the schedule for the first few days after birth and then you find a nice rhythm" 👍🏻 Days?!

I've made peace with not fighting it. DD screamed blue murder after I dared put her in her bassinet for 1 minute this morning after being held the whole night 😅 What did you all do to avoid falling asleep with baby in your arms?

OP posts:
trevthecat · 05/08/2023 09:54

The not wanting to be put down is completely normal. Just make sure you have the remote, a drink, snack and phone all next to you and try and enjoy it. They are only small for a short time. I know its easier said but it will settle soon and you may miss it

Sunshineclouds11 · 05/08/2023 09:58

Agree totally normal. Enjoy the cuddles.

Phone, remote and snack and drink kept me entertained enough.

CherryBlossom100 · 05/08/2023 10:05

I'm still contact napping my 9 month old twins.
My older daughter stopped wanting contact naps around 14 months.
Its only a problem if its a problem for you. Dont worry about what others think.
I can get the twins to nap in a cot or buggy but only for 30 minutes and on me, they'll nap a good 90 minutes and its more important to me that they are well rested.
Theres lots of differing opinions in parenting that you'll have to navigate. Some people swear by using the ferber method on their days old baby to get them sleeping through the night. 🤷🏻‍♀️ you do you and you may want to mute the WhatsApp group if its causing anxiety.

DizzyRascal · 05/08/2023 10:13

Honestly? Slept with baby on my chest. Lying on the bed, baby blanket over us, not a duvet or anything. I had got to the point of exhaustion (reflux baby) where I just had to lie down.
Baby slept, I slept ( lightly, you don't sleep as deep) we both survived.
I am aware that's against advice and am not suggesting you do it. However it felt totally natural, you can feel every snuffle and movement, both relax.

mynameiscalypso · 05/08/2023 10:17

If I needed to stay awake, I just constantly ate. Sometimes I slept with DS sleeping on me with my DH supervising

Imogensmumma · 05/08/2023 10:23

so normal… my premmie baby is now 13 months and has only been napping in her own bed longer than 30 minutes 2 months ago.

What kept me sane was allowing the day contact naps (reminding myself she was everything I had hoped and dreamed of / mumsnet) and focusing on the night time sleep. She used to fight me for hours to be put to sleep by herself in her own bed. It’s now down to a 2 hour fight then 3 week ups per night but it’s so much better.

Focus on night sleep and don’t worry if day naps are contact… do what you have to to survive

incognitomosqiito · 05/08/2023 10:24

Audio books/ crap telly/ giving in to it

Garman · 05/08/2023 10:28

Safe cosleeping so we never risked falling asleep accidentally and unsafely, a sling for naps, snacks, water, phone, remotes, chargers beside the couch and just chill during daytime naps.

Diddykong · 05/08/2023 10:30

I'd set up a little station before DH left for work. It would have a thermos, snacks to last the day, TV remote and id sit and binge watch box sets. I'd also walk the dog with baby in a sling.

That was with dc1. Dc2 had to be on school runs and on the floor more so I could clean etc.

Swearwolf · 05/08/2023 10:45

My oldest was like this too. You've had some good advice already so I just want to pass on my sympathy and reassure you it will pass. Having someone else take a shift holding her is a good call, try to get a good few hours in an evening if you can.

One tip worth trying when she's a little bigger - once she's asleep, gently pick up and drop her arm. If it floats gently down she is still only lightly asleep. If it drops like a lead weight she is deeply asleep and it's safe to gently put her in the cot.

ImDoingThisNow · 05/08/2023 10:46

Co-sleeping, but I didn’t do it with my premature baby.

MissJam · 05/08/2023 10:50

Hi OP my baby is almost 11 months old now and I look back on the early days (which felt lonely at the time) with fondness. I actually had an hour of a cuddle nap on the settee for the first time in months the other day and it was lovely.

I managed to get through the whole of Friends, most recent series of You, The Watcher and many more whilst contact naps were happening but at the time I would stress nothing in the house was getting done! Oh how I miss those days now 😂 still nothing gets done and he’s all over the place taking steps.

Congratulations on your baby, enjoy the cuddles and like you said earlier, it doesn’t last very long xx

LaMaG · 05/08/2023 13:20

When I was expecting twins I bought a recliner chair and had a little box beside it with bottled water, eye mask etc. It was not unusual for one to be draped across my shoulders with the other curled on my lap. I also watched every season of gossip girl!

WeightoftheWorld · 05/08/2023 13:30

Yeah as others said, largely went with it. Will she sleep in the pram? I also massively used pram for naps with both my two who were both rubbish nappers under 1ish. Sometimes I'd even just push them back and forth in the hallway and they'd sleep. Hands free then, success! But there was lots of contact naps. I'd set myself up in a comfy position on the sofa with my pouffe or feet up, lap tray or little table next to me with snacks, water bottle, hot drink, TV remote book etc. And just rest and watch TV or read basically.

Namechangedforthis2244 · 05/08/2023 13:40

I coslept in a bed on my own with her, with dh sleeping in another bed. I started off with her sleeping on me. And then gradually transitioned to her sleeping on the bed with me spooning her with my arm round her.

One thing which did sometimes work which it might be worth trying was get her to sleep on me and then transfer her to the cot. I found that rather than carefully, slowly transferring (she always work however careful!) was to transfer fast and then put my hands onto either side of her face until she settled back to sleep. Eventually!!!! This worked more reliably and I could get her to sleep in the cot.

7Worfs · 05/08/2023 13:43

Breastfeeding rocking chair and binge-watching TV shows.
Water, snacks and phone next to chair.

At night - co-sleeping (following all safety guidelines).

ImDoingThisNow · 05/08/2023 16:22

MissJam · 05/08/2023 10:50

Hi OP my baby is almost 11 months old now and I look back on the early days (which felt lonely at the time) with fondness. I actually had an hour of a cuddle nap on the settee for the first time in months the other day and it was lovely.

I managed to get through the whole of Friends, most recent series of You, The Watcher and many more whilst contact naps were happening but at the time I would stress nothing in the house was getting done! Oh how I miss those days now 😂 still nothing gets done and he’s all over the place taking steps.

Congratulations on your baby, enjoy the cuddles and like you said earlier, it doesn’t last very long xx

Actually this is so important.

OP you are ALLOWED to sit and rest. It’s OK to do nothing.

Watch TV, read books and cuddle your baby.

In the passage of life, this is such a short time.

If you rest during the day, the nights will be easier to manage.

ghostbusters · 05/08/2023 17:19

My prem child, who still only sleeps while touching me or his dad 99% of the time, will be 9 next week 🙄 We always prioritised as much sleep as possible rather than where the sleep happened. I co-slept in our bed and DH would sleep in the spare room.

When he was wee I had a stretchy wrap sling (like a massive stretchy scarf) which he spent a lot of time in. We moved to more structured carrier as he got bigger. See if you have any sling consultants near by to help get the knack of wrapping.

The midwife suggested warming up his bed with a hot water bottle so I wasn't putting him down in a cold bed, but that didn't help. Neither did the rolled up towel snuggly put around his bottom/legs to make him feel cosy. Or putting in a muslin I'd slept on so he could smell me.

Are you getting a good latch when BF? Has a tongue tie been ruled out? Have you thought about going dairy free to see if it's an allergy (this can take a while as dairy can take a few weeks to get out of your milk, and you'd need to be 100% strict to know if it works)? Again, reach out to local BF support to look at your latch.

My son wasn't much of a screamer (except at night) but he was a puker who gained weight at an alarming rate (I think my milk was more like double cream 😂) so I never went down the medication route. I tried dairy free for 2 weeks but that didn't help us either. I just got used to functioning on not much sleep and had a box of snacks on my side of the bed.

Congratulations and enjoy the cuddles.

shivermetimbers77 · 05/08/2023 17:20

Kindle! I read about a Zillion books during my first year of contact naps and breastfeeding

ru53 · 05/08/2023 17:32

I have a similar baby who hates the sling and wakes up after 5 mins in a Moses basket. Walks in the pram with white noise quite loud help her sleep and allow me to get out of the house and some exercise! A Midwife in the hospital showed me how to breastfeed baby lying down, that way she will drift off to sleep in bed, game changer. There is advice on safe co sleeping try the lullaby trust website if you’re interested in that. I’m currently trying to encourage sling/Moses basket/pram naps in the morning and accept contact naps in the afternoon on the sofa in front of the tv.

underneaththeash · 05/08/2023 17:37

We used to put a couple of books under the top legs of the moses basket when our babies were little. Did lots of shussh pat.
Then when they were a bit older, we just put them down and ignored them if they were a bit cranky and eventually they learned to self-soothe. We didn't do it early enough with DS1 and he's still not a great sleeper at 17!

However, when they're really little especially if they're smaller, you just have to go with what they want. Let them sleep on you, keep trying to transfer, but if they're happier, then accept all the help you can get from others, watch a lot of box sets and sleep when you can. Oh and get them used to TV noise in the background.