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Please help, cleaning lady thinks she needs to be my mother and is overstepping boundaries

23 replies

Hellokittymania · 02/08/2023 05:04

So, for context, I am visually impaired, I’m very petite, I bought a home in Greece, four months ago. It has not been the easiest of weeks, as most of you know we have had wildfires in the area, and we also had a massive explosion at an ammunition warehouse on Thursday, situations which I was completely unfamiliar with and they were quite frightening, I had nightmares but I am starting to be OK and move on.

anyway, I have had trouble with finding someone “just to clean“ a lot of these people also want to be my mother, my caregiver, etc. While I understand the worry, it’s not necessary and I have been doing OK up to this point. I might not be able to cook Greek meals yet, and when I do I cook them in my own way, the one that works for me. I do, need some help with things like cleaning because I don’t always see if there’s a spider, a cockroach, dirt somewhere where I really have no idea… You get the idea.

I put an ad on Facebook saying that I needed a cleaning lady for once a week. Somebody showed up on Thursday, just to meet me, and her reaction was like I need to do this this this this and this, do you want me to cook, etc.? I understand it to many people, especially if you don’t know somebody who is visually impaired, you might not understand how they can cope or how they can do things, especially when they are alone in a foreign country, which I am. She wanted €10, per hour which is slightly above average for this area for somebody to clean, and she said it was because she had to do other things as well. Including ironing. I don’t even have an iron… So how she is going to iron, I don’t know how she’s going to do that… Anyway, fast forward five days, she has been here on Friday, on Saturday, on Sunday, and again yesterday. She is asking for a lot of information, saying it is so she can help me. But it is very invasive information, she has even asked me for my keys, she wants me to get a spare pair for her, which I am absolutely not in agreement with and doing everything to avoid. she has been doing things like using my perfume, eating half the food in my fridge, I think these things are her way of keeping me company, but I’m a very independent person and I need my space, and she doesn’t ask what food she can take or if she can use my perfume.

I have another young lady from the University working with me three hours each evening, and we do things like work on life skills so I will be OK here, we do activities that would be very difficult for me to do on my own, like I am learning how to serve, how to sell, things that I love to do but I just need a second person to do them with. The lady from the morning has told me I shouldn’t have too many people, and I shouldn’t tell them what the lady in the morning was doing with me. Yesterday, she called the girl who works with me in the evening telling her to heat up my food, because she’s afraid of me using the stove, and telling the girl in the evening where my puzzles are, she also asked for the girl in the evenings phone number.

I sent a message to the lady, in Greek, I asked my friend to write some thing so I knew the lady in the morning would understand it, and it goes along the lines of disability is not in ability, it is just a difference. Thank you for caring, but I can manage my self. The lady completely ignored this, didn’t even respond to it.

I am so uncomfortable right now. My helper in the evening is willing to talk to the lady in the morning and tell her that she is just being a bit too invasive and that we have found another solution. I hope this works, because I don’t know what else to do. I don’t need a second mother, the reason I bought my home in the first place was so I could do what I want in it, without having to worry about being constantly told how to live my life, what to do with my things, etc.

OP posts:
Hellokittymania · 02/08/2023 05:10

It seems that when I try to explain to the cleaner things like I am OK, she’s responding with things like everyone needs a mother. I do have a mother, she doesn’t live here, but I really need some space. So if there’s another message coming from me, what could I say? And if she still continues to show up, even after we tell her we have found another solution, what could I do? I am not a person that likes confrontation…

OP posts:
Hellokittymania · 02/08/2023 05:16

I have tried to find a cleaning company, like I was using in the UK. I’m finding it very difficult to find a reliable person to clean without feeling like they have to be responsible for me and look after me.

I am in the city of Volos, if anyone can find anything that I haven’t, please can you send a link. The only thing I have found is a website called nannuka but I think these are private people, there are some cleaning companies, but I think they only clean things like offices and buildings etc. I have been asking some friends, but they have told me they are also looking for a cleaner and don’t have any luck.

OP posts:
Thankyouforthemusic · 02/08/2023 05:21

I’m afraid you just have to tell her exactly what you want her to do and what you don’t want her to do. Write a list of do’s and don’t’s. If she can’t comply then find someone else. I hope you’ll be very happy there.

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Batbatbatty · 02/08/2023 05:36

Just cancel her service, take back the key if you've given her one , and ask your university student friend to assist you in finding another cleaner.

Hellokittymania · 02/08/2023 05:36

Thank you for the music, I’m guessing you like Abba? I love that song. I will write a list, on average though, does anyone know if even carers are allowed to do things like using somebody’s perfume without asking? Sometimes people do things in my house, and I don’t know if it’s normal or not, I don’t think it is somehow. I have had a couple of helpers in the UK, and even if we go out to eat, they don’t take my food without asking. i’d be fine if she asked me, could I just help myself to an ice cream, but she’s like no you’re going to offer me an ice cream.

OP posts:
Hellokittymania · 02/08/2023 05:37

Thankfully she does not have my keys… I felt very nervous when she began to ask for them, nobody has my keys except for me, and even if I do let someone have them, it’s for a few minutes and then they bring them back to me.

OP posts:
Mydustymonstera · 02/08/2023 05:39

shes completely trodden over your boundaries. Of course it’s not normal to use someone’s perfume or eat their food!! I’m a bit concerned that you are doubting yourself on these things. She may have sensed that you might not stand up for yourself.

might be an idea to think through how to remove this person from your life. I would suspect her or not letting her claws go easily?

Batbatbatty · 02/08/2023 05:39

So there you go, you tell her that the arrangement is not working for you and her cleaning services are no longer required.

Of course it's not normal for a cleaner to help herself to anything of yours!

Hellokittymania · 02/08/2023 05:44

My dust, it is something I have gotten better at over the years, but I still have a hard time in being assertive, especially when somebody is very very overbearing. And you’re correct, I don’t think she’s one of these people who will just let it go. The message I sent to her yesterday, saying it’s very kind for your concern but I really am able to manage myself, and I said disability is not in ability, it’s just a different way of life and I do things my way. She completely ignored me.

OP posts:
Larkslane · 02/08/2023 06:28

If it’s not working well with your cleaner so early on in her employment it’s probably best to end your agreement with her.

She sounds very bossy and unable to accept your direction.

With your next cleaner, outline her duties and try not to engage on a person level.

I hope things go well for you.

Larkslane · 02/08/2023 06:29

Personal level

Zonder · 02/08/2023 06:34

She is so intrusive and no she shouldn't be using your perfume or eating your food.

This will only get worse. I would terminate the arrangement and keep looking for someone new. Does your evening lady know anyone?

Dogsitterwoes · 02/08/2023 06:39

So you employed a once a week cleaner but she's turning up every morning (for which you have to pay her), interferes with your evening helper and is trying to get rid of them, wants your keys, and helps herself to your stuff, and bosses you about.

She is not being kind. She thinks she had found a vulnerable person she can take advantage of, she is already stealing from you, trying to isolate you and make you dependant on her. She'll be taking charge of your money next.

Sack her. You are being lined up as a victim of crime.

AppleCinnamonBagel · 02/08/2023 06:46

I agree you've got to get rid of her. It's not working out. She doesn't listen to what you want, she's bulldozing over your boundaries so I'd pay her a week's money on top of her due pay as recompense and tell her not to come back.

I'd also only be inclined to pay her for the hours you employed her to work not the extra she volunteered herself for... but I do understand that might be difficult to do.

No cleaner has any right to use your perfume nor eat your food without your express say so.

I hope that you can find the help you need soon.

Hellokittymania · 02/08/2023 06:52

Dog sitter, it is so, so hard to find somebody trustworthy, and I’m always having to be so vigilant. I rented from a woman who started to do the same things and was taking advantage of me, and when I stood up to her, because I eventually realized what she was doing, she became very very vindictive and very nasty, not just to me but to my mother as well. Owning my own home was a fresh start, it has not been an easy one, but this is my own home, and I really want to be able to enjoy it without having to worry so much. I just wish I could find a cleaner…

zonder another person from the University recommended a cleaner that they use, so I think it might be helpful to write a specific list, I can get my friend in the evening to help me to write a list in Greek, and also to be there with me when the cleaner shows up.

OP posts:
ThreeTrebles · 02/08/2023 07:23

Did your advert on Facebook include the fact that you're visually impaired? I'm just wondering if there's something about how you've written the ad that's attracting these people with the attitude you describe, who best case want to be helpful but worst case are looking for someone they can take advantage of.

Hellokittymania · 02/08/2023 07:38

Yes, I actually did mention this, but I specifically mentioned as well that I was not looking for someone to look after me. Somebody recommended a cleaning lady to me a couple of months ago, she did not know I couldn’t see, but when she arrived she was doing the same thing and overstepping a lot of boundaries. So again, I had to just pay her and that was it.

Innoway, it was easier in the UK to find somebody because there are cleaning businesses that you can contact. I haven’t found one of these so far in my area, and I’ve asked a lot of Greeks if they know of an a thing, they don’t. In Athens, I would probably have more luck, but not in this area

OP posts:
narniabusiness · 02/08/2023 08:25

I hope you can find some one more suitable. A young person might be better as they won’t have the need to mother you perhaps. I agree this one has to go asap.

Hellokittymania · 02/08/2023 13:48

Hi everyone, just an update, I told the lady that I no longer needed her services, and she kept calling and calling and calling, I said I was busy, she kept calling. I got my helper from the evening to call her, she wouldn’t pick up the phone to the helper. She eventually did, only to tell her that I have not paid her any money for the services she did, and I need to pay her money for the cleaning supplies, which actually on my own, and she bought me magnesium, which I didn’t want, and if I don’t do it today she will call the police. Thankfully, I have a very good lawyer, and I asked him what to do. I will leave the magnesium outside the door, I didn’t want it in the first place. The silly woman… Signed every time she paid, sorry every time she was paid. I have it on paper.

can you imagine had this going on for much longer what she could have or would have done? Thank you to those of you who saw this woman was about to make me a victim of crime, as one of you put it, and I had a gut feeling as well that something was very odd.

OP posts:
Hellokittymania · 02/08/2023 13:49

My helper in the evening will come a bit later on, and I told the cleaning lady she can come and get the things we have put outside the door, the magnesium and she forgot her charger yesterday, so her phone charger. But I told her I will not be opening the door and if she calls me again or shows up here, I will call the police.

I might be a foreigner in Greece, and she might be Greek, but I do have a disability, and again, a good lawyer who can advise and friends who know she was taking advantage as well.

OP posts:
Zonder · 03/08/2023 07:56

Well done OP. I'm so pleased you stopped this before it got any worse. What a cheek.

Dogsitterwoes · 09/08/2023 11:24

Well done, I hope she's buggered off now it's clear you aren't an easy target.

Justkeepingplatesspinning · 09/08/2023 11:35

You've done the right thing in sacking her and arranging to leave her things outside the door.
She was totally inappropriate and overstepped so many boundaries. Taking your food and your perfume without consent is theft, how awful.
I hope you and your uni friend are successful in getting a cleaner who will only do what you want them to do.

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