Work Anxiety and Stress

[Ladyk79]

Hi all,

Just after some advise in a safe place.

I’ve been working for a company for 16 years now, I changed roles in 2020.
since doing so my anxiety and stress has been through the roof. I have been speaking to my manager about this who has been great, really understanding but nothing official. We have just had more regular chats about what can be done to help as the last 4 to 6 months have been pretty intense. I do believe things will get better it’s just a challenging time due to a project I have been working on that haven’t really done before (or anything similar).

I have been to the dr who referred me to CBT and also suggested I have some time off. (Back in April) which I declined as I was worried that whilst being off I would worry about work.

Fast forward to today and I feel even worse. On Monday I went to the office and was in tears the whole day unable to concentrate. My manager is on leave and is the only one who really knows of my struggle at work. I managed to get a dr appointment who believes I really need some time off and signed me off for the rest of the week (on annual leave next week). I don’t really want to present this at work as I feel being signed off for work related stress for two days is just opening a can of worms before going on leave.

I’ve never really struggled like this in the past, was always confident in my role but something has changed, now I’m worried that my anxiety is taking over and I constantly worry I am doing a bad job and eventually will lose my job. My manager says I’m doing good but I doubt her because we in the team all work on different things and admits he doesn’t know the detail of what I do so I question how he knows I am doing a good job?

I am severely doubting myself and it’s now impacting me physically where I can’t sleep or eat, I don’t want to go on leave because I’m so worried about work but need to go as my little one is so excited for a holiday.

I think I catastrophise and ultimately think I will just lose my job.

can a company just get rid of me like that?
No one has commented on my performance (yet) but it’s like I’m sitting here and waiting for it to come up because I have so much self doubt and I just don’t know why.

Here we both are. Up and worrying about the same things.
One thing i know for sure is they can’t just get rid of you without helping you first - unless you are in a country with no employment protection of course!

• other than your anxiety, what proof do you have that you aren’t doing well?
• are you having 1:1s and performance reviews with your manager?
• what is your relationship like with your other colleagues? Do they know you are feeling this way?
• what is the end date of the project?

I am in my second week of holiday from work and I am not sleeping and when I do I have nightmares. It’s miserable. I’m sorry that you are suffering similarly.

I'm sorry you're going through this.

Could you use an online therapist to help? (If you haven't started the CBT yet.)

Work stress is so weird isn't it? A mixture of worrying if we are good enough, and a (contradictory) conviction that the wheels will fall off if we don't personally do everything!

It sounds like there is no reason to fear for your job - if anything you are indispensable.

Do go on holiday! You need a break and you'll enjoy seeing your little one have fun. Hopefully also when you're on holiday and have some distance from your job, you will feel better.

@MaggieBsBoat thank you for your reply, I do live in a country with employment protection thankfully, although don’t really understand the law.

I don’t really have any examples, sometimes things go wrong which are out of my control but I tend to take it personally dissecting and looking for something where I should have spotted something.

Yes have monthly 121 and yearly performance review (last was this Jan).

No my colleagues don’t know I feel this way, we get on but are not close like that, they see me stressed so leave me to it (in a nice way).

it’s coming to an end soon I hope we are just in hypercare mode now. I wanted to see it through to the end of this week but I just don’t feel like I have the brain capacity, it’s so fully I feel like I can’t think straight. My husband will ask me simplest of questions and I don’t know the answer.

oh I am so sorry you are suffering like this too, I could just cry at the thought others feel like this it’s so difficult. You shouldn’t suffer like this and especially when on holiday but easier said than done I know.

@Islandermummy thanks for your response.

I have started the CBT and it worked for a while but my anxiety is really heightened at the moment I feel like I can’t think straight.

I will do, little one should not be impacted by this. I just know while I am away I will be worrying about work, and don’t want to be feeling like I do now when it’s family time but I just can’t control my worry.

@Ladyk79 Hi, how are you doing now several weeks on?
I have experienced similar to you, although I was heavily criticised and told I was going on a performance review (and potentially a disciplinary) if I didn't improve. My Manager had missed 5 of my 1:1s and had not really taken some of my concerns seriously and/or not helped me when I was struggling. When I challenged all this (in writing) my Manager went off sick and has been off for 11 weeks now. As a result I'm now heading up quite a big project and feel I don't know who I am at work any longer. I'm struggling with Staffing issues too. Having being told I'm totally crap to being relied on to such a huge degree is confusing. I too worry about being fired. And, because of other work difficulties, unrelated to the above, I've been looking for another job since January. Also not sleeping and eating poorly, constantly crying (at home.) GP gave me anxiety meds which help with the physical symptoms but my head is still fit to burst. I was referred to CBT but the womsn doing it felt I needed more than what she could offer and referred me back to GP. Just sharing my current experience.

Could the anxiety be menopause related. Loathe that I am to put everything down to hormones, I used to be competent and chilled, now I am a ball of anxiety about work. And it's anxiety over nothing. I get good feedback, I reach targets etc. It's the lack of sleep, thoughts racing in the early hours, it spoiled my annual leave this month, the thought of going back to work.