How to nip bullying in the bud/‘Teflon’ yourself?

[Peverellshire]

Business has taken me to a smart, London auction house/antiques showroom a few times in last few weeks.

I’ve noticed an earnest young woman assistant, who appears to be learning the trade. The Manager, who I’d met independently first & liked & thought hugely knowledgeable, seems to be down on her like a ton of bricks over the most trivial things & the assistant is visibly nervous, e.g ‘why use THAT pen’ audible sigh & eye roll by manager. She’s on eggshells all the time & increasingly so. The other assistant is much more poised & also young, she seems to swerve the cutting remarks. Tip of iceberg, but an example.

Let’s call the nervous newbie Sandra, & Manager, Mavis.

How can Sandra nip any bullying in bud? I feel for her & it makes me reflect on my own life experiences where I’ve been bullied in workplace when young. Do some people just give off a ‘weak’ vibe so people all enjoy having a subtle or not so subtle, kick?

Should Sandra call Mavis out on this? Why do some get picked on & become a target whilst others seemingly swerve this nitpicking? If Sandra was your child what would you advise?

I'm not sure it's your place to intervene.

It’s not, you’re right, but my wider question is why does it happen & if the ‘Sandras’ of this world want to learn, grow & thrive, what should they do?

All very pretty words OP, but what did you actually do when you witnessed this 'earnest young woman assistant' being bullied?

Honestly, at first I was surprised & disappointed as I’d warmed to Mavis. What would you do & what do others do when they see this?

There was a salon I used to go to, where Stylists expected Juniors to pick up their dry cleaning & spoke disrespectfully to them. Almost like a sport. I stopped going.

Another one straight from the mumsnet passive aggressive comment thread. 😂

I think it's difficult if they're senior and you don't want to impact your job.

Nowadays I just address it head on and if they don't like it fuck em. But I work in a non office field which is in demand and am literally offered jobs weekly.

If you witnessed bullying and did nothing, then you re responsible for it too.

"Was that comment really necessary?" or "That interaction made me feel very uncomfortable" would be a really good starting point to support that young woman.

What are you going to do about it apart from posting on MumsNet?

Lots of white knights online tonight. It’s not always wanted or helpful to intervene in a situations where someone is working and you are a passerby.

Sandra needs to find a new job. You can’t fix a manager that bullies their staff.

Yes, and the type that pats themselves in the back for making a drive-by comment but isn’t there to see the fallout they cause for the person they think they are helping.

saying Something like ‘was that necessary’ or trying to intervene on someone else’s behalf in a situation where you are the outsider / infrequent visitor might work while you are there but the bully will have been embarrassed and quite likely to be even worse when you’ve gone!!! What the op is asking is WHY do some people get bullied and others don’t.

I'm someone who has never been scared of authority. I've never been afraid of teachers or bosses. I'm not disrespectful, but I will stand up for myself and even with that character, I've been bullied by a boss.
Obviously, I wanted to keep my job so didn't say anything back and mostly complied to their stupid requests.
That boss really took pleasure in bullying people and probably enjoyed trying to bring me down a peg or two.

There's not much you can do in that situation as those type of people enjoy having authority and probably bully everyone.

@Draconis I think you’re right & the danger is, if you stay too long in this position you can end up a gibbering wreck.

I think, if Sandra, I’d vote with feet & find another job, & say something like ‘this isn’t working for me’ & try & manoeuvre from a position of confidence. Yes, as someone said upthread, it’s about why some are singled out & others are not. It happens at school, ‘why are you not listening?’ On the first day of secondary, apropos of nothing, yet, to another child, ‘what’s your name?’ Sweet, pretty girl replies ‘Jenny Honeywell’. Bristling, severe teacher visibly softens & smiles ‘ah, what a lovely name’. I’ve always remembered this interaction…

You also see this ‘behaviour’ on Dragon’s Den. True, the ill prepared etc, get (rightly?) roasted BUT sometimes the less poised/confident get unaccountably ripped in to.

Unfortunately unless people leave and there are leaving chats no one will know why and people go and innocent take a a job with a horrendous manager who runs rampant..another person then has the build up /worry /stress!+/ impact of trying to find a new job.
If you said that's why you are leaving you risk no reference etc.

There should be anonymous complaints and feedback.

Where I work we get surveys and they are not anonymous so no one fills them out.

It's not right that such people can hold onto such roles.