Do you say "your mum/dad" etc or their name?

[BrokenByDesireToBeHeavenlySent]

Couldn't think how to word the title.

Eg. Your friends dad has sadly died. Would you say "I'm sorry about your dad" or "I'm sorry about John"? To your friend?

Or you're friends mum is in hospital. Do you ask "how's your mum" or "how's Jane?"

I would always say "your dad" etc.

Because on TV (soaps) they always say "sorry to hear John died"

Even to children it's "Jacks just stressed at the moment" to Jacks child..not 'your dad's just stressed"

I would always say “how’s your mum” or “sorry to hear about your dad” and only hear it done that way in telly too

I think it depends on how well you know them. I refer to all of my close friends parents by their names, if I have never met their parents I would use mum/dad

I don’t really know any of my friends’ parents, so would only ever say mum/dad.

I'd say your mum, dad, sister etc. Unless I know them independently.

I used to work with my friends mum, before I knew my friend. Sometimes I say Sheila, sometimes I say your mum.

I agree with this. So friends who I've known since childhood, I'd say "how's Pauline?" But if I don't know the parents personally, it'd be "How's your mum?"

I’d say “your mom” or “your dad” even if I knew them myself.

Depends on whether you had an individual relationship with the dead person, in which case using their name might come more naturally.

I'd usually say "your Mum/Dad" unless I've got a special name for someone's parent. Eg my best friends Mum was called Marmee (like in little women) so that's how I refer to her.

The exception is with my stepdad and his family who refer. I spend 3 nights per week looking after him mum, whenever anyone in the family ask how she was they use her name. I find it odd.

Totally outing if anyone from the family is on here.

Your mum/dad even if I know them well.

I'd say 'your mum or dad' it's that special and unique person and relationship that they have lost.

I’ve never heard the name version on TV, we must watch different programmes.

I’d use your mum/your dad for everyone except my best friend’s parents as she doesn’t call them mum and dad, she calls them name and name.

I always use "your mum/dad".

Yep, your Mum etc here too.

On TV it's the name to help you remember which character it is. Oh right, Raymond died.

I always use mum/ dad because it acknowledges the closeness of their relationship and the particular kind of grief that you experience when you lose a parent.

So,would I. Even if Pauline was my best friend I'd say 'your Mum' when I was talking about her to Pauline's daughter.

Agree with most PPs but got me thinking that with my nieces and nephews I always refer to their parents (my brothers/sisters) by their name rather than mum/dad.

Exactly. It's a dramatic device, not reflecting how people normally speak.

Always "your mum/dad". Even with DFIL, who I am very close to, so I might say to DH "shall we go and see your Dad this weekend" or whatever. It would seem weird to use his name in that context. OTOH if it is someone's husband or wife I'd always use the name unless I didn't know it.

I always say "your mum/dad". I only know (slightly) one mother-daughter pair and it feels quite odd to refer to the mother by her name when I'm talking to the daughter. (For reference the daughter is in her 50s and the mother in her 80s.)

The only people I know who ask about my mother by her name are her care workers and physiotherapists, ie. she's their client. Even some of them will say "How's Mum" to me. Everyone else I know just says "How's Mum" - mind you most of the people I know have never met her and struggle to remember names at the best of times! Peril of living in a retirement village, I swear we should have name badges. 😄

I'd say 'your mum/dad' with the exception of my friend who calls her parents by their first names. So my friend Sarah who calls her mum 'mum' would get 'hi Sarah, how's your mum?'. But my friend Alice who calls her mum Sandra would get 'hi Alice, how's Sandra?'.