Speaking at a funeral

[liliesrosesandlavender]

It’s my Grans funeral next week and I’ve wrote something to read. I’ve been practicing reading it aloud but every time I try and read it out I get breathless, stumble over words and read far too fast. If I’m like this trying to practice by myself I don’t know how I’m going to manage it during the actual service. My Gran was incredibly popular (worked in the same hospital for over 60 years and had numerous hobbies and classes she attended) so we’re expecting over 100 people to attend. My Grandpa wouldn’t be able to read it (terrible eyesight!)and we have no other family who will be attending the service as they all live abroad, should I just cut my losses and get the priest to do it? Or just crack on and hope for the best on the day? Any words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated

Read it yourself, it’s so much more real

take a deep breath, read it at half speed, if it’s too slow for you it’s probably fine for people listening

i figured it’s the last thing I could do for the person

You can probably have the priest on hand to take over. Ask him and give him a copy beforehand.

If you can't it doesn't matter at all but I think it sounds like you'd like to try.

I almost had to take my mums whole service when our celebrant was delayed and I was the only one who knew the full service. I looked at my mums coffin and knew she'd want me to pull my big girl pants on a do it so I found the adrenaline. Although 2 minutes late the celebrant arrived so she just made it in time for me to be reprieved. I'm sure if I had done it I'd have fallen at a few hurdles but people will understand.

Xx

Sorry for your loss, OP.

I think the hardest things I've ever had to do was the eulogy at my Dad's funeral, but I wanted to do it for him and I'm so glad I did. Just remember everyone is with you. There are no rights and wrongs about how it should go. Take all the time you need. And if you can't get though it, that's ok. You can give it to the priest to read.

Do you have anyone who can listen to you practice? It's probably going better than you think.
Also, when you do it, you might naturally look up and look at your audience. If you think that will be a bit hard, look up and look at a point on a wall in the distance.

All the best

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I know it's not for everyone but I have suffered terrible in the past with social anxiety. I've overcome that but always thought I would never be able to do a speech/presentation. I would get breathless, stutter, blush. I was going through a promotion at work where I had to give a few presentations and I was so stressed at the thought of doing them I almost gave up the promotion. I went to the gp and they gave me propranolol. You take one about 30mins before the speech and it takes away any physical signs of anxiety. So no breathlessness or stuttering. Have a read up on it.

Condolences for your loss. I think it would be tough for me too - fortunately we haven't reached that point yet.

I would give the priest a copy of your words and say to him - "I would love to be able to say this but it might be too difficult for me"

If it is too tough he can step in and say "Lily wrote these lovely words about her grandmother but I am sure you can all understand this is a very difficult time for her so I am going to say them for her"

I second the recommendation of propronol. I was in same boat a few months ago at my grandma's funeral. I'm not a good public speaker and my hands shake. They are beta blockers so tackle the more physical signs of anxiety. I was able to stand, hold my page with my hands rather than set it on the podium - no shake at all, make joke, talk slowly, look out at the crowd and added a bur extra. I couldn't believe it I was so shocked at myself.

You absolutely can ask the priest to read on your behalf, or give them a copy if you’ve written it down and ask them to take over if you think you’ve reached as far as you can.
I had to say something at a funeral and I was worried i‘d break down and not be able to get anything out so instead I thought of my 3 favourite and funniest memories with them and just spoke about them. Didn’t write it down, just talked and managed to hold it together miraculously.
good luck 💐

I wrote and delivered the eulogy for my gran and my mum, less than 2 years apart. It doesn't matter if your voice wobbles, it doesn't matter if you have to pause and regroup. People will totally understand. Have what you want to say written out in full, then the celebrant can take over if necessary, and just knowing someone else can take over will take the pressure off a bit. I'm so sorry for your loss. X

I've spoken at a funeral.

My best tip is to pretend you're in a soap opera and are acting. Sounds a bit weird but worked for me.

I’ve done the eulogy a couple of times. My suggestion would be to anchor yourself on someone in the congregation. Both times I’ve used one of my second cousins.

he is a big burly chap. I don’t know him that well and he wasn’t as close to the dead people as me so less upset. Didn’t plan it just did it.

practice and regard it as a final act of service to your Gran.

print your speech out in big font and on a laser printer (ink jet runs if your cry on it). I,m sure you will be fine.

I’m so sorry for your loss. Just remember that you’re talking about your gran, it’s not a speech, it’s just you telling people about your wonderful gran.
I spoke at a parents funeral, I gave the priest a copy of what I was going to say in case I couldn’t manage it. I stopped a couple of times of times throughout but it was fine. Good luck OP, I hope the funeral runs as smoothly as it can.

Just wanted to quickly pop back on this thread and say thank you for all the suggestions, they were very helpful!

The funeral was this morning and I managed to get through my reading 😊

Tap yourself on the back.

Thinking of you - a difficult day x

Good for you xxx