I have name-changed mainly due to embarrassment and that this specific situation could have me easily recognisable. I am a regular user of MN.
I am an intelligent and hard working woman but I've completely screwed up career-wise. I have no idea where to go next. I am in my early forties. I feel as if I should and could be earning a lot more money and/or having a fulfilling career path and I am just not. I also feel guilty that so much money has gone on my education and I've hardly used it-this is making me feel depressed and giving feelings of inadequacy.
I did a degree in sociology. I then got close with a tutor who said if I did an M.A in the same subject she'd take me on as a lecturer at the university. This fell through, that role never really existed and she was very evasive when I protested about this.
I did a few dead-end office jobs and then retrained as a counsellor after having to leave one role where I worked so, SO hard but was bullied out of in the end. Awful time for me. My manager hated me. I had been promoted but knew I could get no further.
I also spent about 8 years only working part-time in order to help raise my ex's children.
I also did some years working for the police, as a despatch officer. I really hoped to find a role within the police that fulfilled my creative side and made me more £ but I was turned down for everything I applied for APART from one that was categorising indecent footage/images of children. I turned this role down as the pay was less than in despatch and was frankly insulting for such a role.
I was treated very badly by the police including being bullied incessantly by my supervisor who hated me, and I left.
I then took roles as a helpline counsellor. I did some sociological writing which I hope I could have published one day but I haven't finished it yet-just time constraints, I hope to soon. I love to write.
Late last year I was working on a helpline, at night as a counsellor. Loved the job but it involved working every other weekend (Fri, Sat and Sunday night) and I just felt quite resentful that as someone who had worked so hard and studied for so long and had to do a job like that which meant I couldn't have a decent social life even. I applied for a change of hours but was refused this-and daytime hours would mean a pay cut too. I remembered how much I'd loved the idea of being a lecturer so I applied for a job as a tutor of counselling, within a company who did courses to get trainee counsellors to qualified level. It did involve one weekend a month but that's better than two!
I loved that job so much and hoped to do it for a long time and hopefully be promoted and/or have it eventually lead to my being viable to work at a University. The pay wasn't great still however £27K. I was doing really well despite no teaching experience. I was enthusiastic about it, my students all seemed to really like me as did the other tutors and my boss. Finally felt I found something for me.
I'd only worked there for two months when the company liquidated.
A college who had heard about what had happened offered to take some of its students on with a view to allowing them to pass the course-they'd use their own material to teach them and had this approved by the awarding body. But they needed a tutor. They offered it to my boss but she told them to give it to me as I needed more tutoring experience. Very kind of her.
However it is self employed, one day a week only. I am paid £195 for this. I also landed another role, online tutoring of entry-level students, one other day of the week. I get £230 for this.
So I get just over £400 per week. It's a fairly decent rate for tutoring and not bad really for two day's work but really not enough for me to thrive on. I can just about survive on it PLUS the HUGE amount of work it involves in terms of marking, lesson planning, tutorials, paperwork etc takes up at least two other days per week meaning I just can't get another job 
I'd not have enough time to do the work for these two self employed roles. I have looked for other work, thinking I can just graft, even if I'll be exhausted, and get through it, but I've not found anything part-time that doesn't want me in at least one of the days I already work, and obviously an employed position would pay less so losing one of those jobs isn't a great option.
I just don't know what to do. I also don't like being self-employed. I had wanted to buy another house soon and rent the one I live in out, but being self-employed and not earning much makes this impossible now. I want to get on further in life. I'd like to use my sociology too, I have become quite 'jaded' in my counselling work, not sure why. I have some Better Help clients but the pay is ABYSMAL on there. I also have a couple of private clients but cannot feasibly take on more as all the marking etc. I have to do plus the clients I already have is exhausting as it is. Something needs to change but I have no idea where to go.
Any suggestions at all are very welcome!