How do you avoid being treated like crap?

[clarebear111]

I’m mid thirties, pregnant, softly spoken, sometimes with DP or toddler and sometimes alone.

I find that if I don’t do exactly what is expected, I get spoken to in a very unpleasant way, predominantly by men who are older than me.

I don’t know if this is something I do. All I am trying to do is get to a satisfactory conclusion, and it seems this is taken as a personal affront.

The latest one is to do with a property I’m trying to get back from a managing agent. I asked for it back in June last year but for various reasons still don’t have it back vacant. Their service has, quite frankly, been appalling. It’s an arrangement I inherited from my mum, no terms and conditions provided, flat has been left to fall into a really poor condition, disabled tenant who is waiting for the council to re home her (as far as I can see, she has behaved impeccably throughout, trying to cope with issues caused by the mismanagement).

I’ve had to go to a redress scheme, who ordered the agency to pay me compensation, and at that point they actually served a notice on the tenant so I could get my property back, vacant.

They’ve now applied for a licence in connection with the property, without informing me, which I became aware of when a letter arrived from the council, sent to an address I hadn’t given them. They are refusing to tell me how they got that address, which is raising data protection concerns for me. I’ve now gone to the ICO about it.

I’ve always been very polite with the agency when emailing them, but have found them to be slippery and rude when I ask them direct questions. I’ve now been told I’m difficult, complain to everyone and various other unpleasant things in a series of emails. All I want is my property back. I have to say, it strikes me as a macho type environment and I do wonder if part of it is because I’m female.

Am I being unreasonable in how I’ve approached this? I don’t want to be difficult or complain, but I’ve been waiting for my property back for over a year and I just don’t see how that can be right. They haven’t given me a copy of their complains procedure, so I had no choice but to go to an external body. Could I have struck the balance between being polite and assertive in a different way?

I think that a lot of men (and to be fair, people in general) see someone who is trying to be nice and polite and think that it’s a licence to behave however they want. They’ll be nice to you all the time you’re complying, but the second you put your foot down, they react very badly because they’re so annoyed that you’re stepping out of line and not going along with what they want. It’s a shock to them because they’ve pigeonholed you as someone who will do as they’re told.

I don’t tend to have this problem and I suspect it’s because I simply do not care whether I’m seen as difficult. I’m polite and appreciative but always firm. I set out what I expect at the beginning and nobody expects me to just go along with being treated badly.

For what it’s worth, I think you’re massively under reacting and you’ve absolutely done the right thing in going to the external body.

@Nagado thank you. Reassuring to hear someone else thinks I’ve done the right thing.

They are now saying their lawyers will be taking it forward as they basically don’t want to deal with me anymore. I’m hoping this means I will get more professional treatment as lawyers are bound by codes of conduct etc that letting agents aren’t.

Such a nightmare, and I worry about the stress it’s putting on my baby.