Feel like I'm falling behind in my 20s

[20s]

I'm 27 and decided to retrain into a new career, so I'm heading back to university. It will be a highly rewarding career path that I'm really passionate about but my anxiety about falling behind is keeping me up at night. I think about all the years I'll spend being a student and how my friends will be progressing in their careers, buying houses, etc whilst I'm still a student. I'm also single and the university is right near my parents house so I'll be living with them whilst I study (I get on well with my parents, and I'm grateful for getting to spend time with them).

I still feel really anxious about seeing a 3-year degree ahead of me even though it's something I've wanted to do. I think about all the things I'll see my friends do and achieve over the next 3 years and just feel a bit stagnant. I'm imagining engagements and house purchases and babies and meanwhile I'll be a student again.

I know I'm being ridiculous and I'll look back when I'm older and wonder why I worried so much but still when you're in it you can't quite see it that way.

I'm 32 and just finished my first year of uni. I know how you feel. I've struggled with feeling very behind. It feels a bit weird to be doing the whole uni thing now whilst my friends are all in relationships and buying houses. The funny thing is they all really envy me. They'd love to experience being at uni again, learning new things and meeting new people, having new experiences.

So I try to appreciate the experience, rather than dwell on not being further ahead in life. We all go at our own pace, and 27 is still very young, there'll be people much older than you on your course!

I was super nervous before starting uni as well, worried I'd be the oldest and everyone would think I'm ancient! But I imagine you'll feel a lot better when you start and realise you're not the only mature student.

I retrained at 29 then fell pregnant two years into my new career.

Because I was working part-time with two young children, I was able to take up a career opportunity on my days off which absolutely wouldn't have been available to me had I been working full time.

Because of that opportunity I now work in pretty much my dream job.

I don't know things might have turned out if I'd made different choices at different times, but I can honestly say that I'm so glad it's turned out as it has.

You don't know what's coming - all you can do is work towards what you really want. So go for it, I say!

Around 15 years ago at the age of 28 I quit my job to go back to being a student again. In my case it was to do a PhD. I remember thinking it was a crazy idea to even think of being a student again at that 'old' age. Other friends were progressing in careers, getting married etc. I was single and jobless (PhD was funded but over the 4 years the stipend barely went up while friends' salaries rose so our lifestyles increasingly diverged).

I'm so glad I did it, both career wise and for the experiences and people I met. Although most of the other PhD students were a bit younger, there were several older and I met an undergraduate who already had a PhD in another discipline - his was 42 (which seemed old to me at the time but now seems young 😂). Over the years I've now known several people who retrained in their 30s and older. I am so glad my warped sense of age at the time didn't stop me applying.

Life isn't a race, forge your own path!

The thing is, all those things you're imagining can be lost again. Yes your friends might get married and buy a house. Marriages can fail, houses can be sold or repossessed. Very few things are forever - but your qualifications will stand you in good stead for the rest of your working life.

I'm 42 and just coasted along despite a good education and degree.

Wish I'd retrained before I had the kids/house etc as feels too late now.

Do it, you're only 28!!! Your friends will all do different things at different times and n 5/10 years time you'll be so glad you followed your instincts.

Do it, it will be such a great investment.

I went back to uni at 27 as a graduate student, for 4 years, and didn't/ don't regret it. Lots of people were my age and older. Maybe try and make friends with grad students and postdocs too - they will be older, and can help you with your work if needed, even if just for a chat.

Honestly, I’d be a bit WTF about friends getting engaged and buying houses and having babies in their 20s — none of mine were doing that then (apart from one who married and had a baby at 26 and now asks us why we didn’t stop her). I think your 20s are for studying, trying stuff out, having second thoughts, moving countries on a whim and sleeping with unsuitable people.

Congratulations on starting your course! Really try not to compare yourselves to others. You are certainly not behind (and half of those engaged/married/mortgaged people will be divorced in 10 years).
I took a very different path to my friends in my 20s, had a baby, was a single parent with a rubbish ex, a low paid job and it felt like my life was basically 'ruined'.
My daughter is now a confident young adult, my career really picked up in my 30s and I have been in love with a wonderful man for 15 years. We are all running different races and we 'win' in different ways and at different stages. Don't doubt yourself!

I was 30 when I started my BA. My son started his when he was 46. You’re a baby @20s!

Thank you everyone. Your comments have really helped.

You never know, you might meet your perfect partner at university too!