Recurring depression-feeling so empty

[Feelingempty84]

NC for this. I’ve had episodes of depression on/off since I was in my teens. The last couple of years have been the worst though. Been on Sertraline for 6 weeks now and feeling no better, which is unusual for me. It also gives me awful insomnia which just makes everything a lot worse.

I’m struggling with motivation at work and am worried it will be noticed, irritable with everyone at home, escaping to my phone regularly to avoid real life. So tired all the time and feeling guilty that I’m not enjoying spending time with DC (age 10 and 8) and have let the screens do far too much babysitting.

There’s nothing that seems to trigger it but I just feel so empty. Like a shell with nothing inside. I’ve tried all my usual things to boost my mood-walks, having a clear out, trying new things, meeting up with friends. Nothing seems to be helping :(

Has anyone had similar and what did you do to help? I can’t even think straight at the moment.

Could you back to your doctor? Are they helpful? Do you have a therapist/Councellor? .
Sending you a hug - I know it’s not very Mumsnet.

@Fluffycloudsblusky thank you for your unmumsnetty hug, I really appreciate it. I think I’m going to have to go back to docs. I’ve had a counsellor in the past but my moods are so intermittent it always feels like I feel better so I get discharged and then a week, a month, a few months later I’m back to square one.

Also have you had a full load of blood tests? Anemia, low B12, peri/menopause, low Vit D can make women feel very low.

@Feelingempty84 I’m so sorry to hear you aren’t feeling yourself.

I have a very similar pattern to yours with anxiety and depression.

I’m sorry, I don’t have any insight that could help but you aren’t alone.

Have you tried seeing a therapist? I am susceptible to bouts of low mood (not sure if depression or not) and in the past, even a few therapy sessions would be enough to turn me around. Some space to just let it all out and decompress.

I know you say there are no triggers but is it possible there are aspects of your life that may be dragging your mood down?

I think recent evidence tends to show most people's depression is down to lifestyle and situations rather than imbalances. Although I do think hormones play a big part, for me at least.

How old are you? I'm the same as you in that I've suffered depression since a teen. It had been managed reasonably well until a year or two ago (I'm now 46) when my anxiety suddenly became MUCH worse. Management techniques on my part suddenly didn't cut it any longer.

I went to the doc asking for additional antidepressant meds, but my (lovely) doc suggested I try HRT instead, for perimenopause. I have been on it for a month now and already my mood has stabilised a lot.

Thinking of you - it's tough, I know

Just to add - the HRT has really helped my depression as well as my anxiety

@Fluffycloudsblusky ive had blood tests in the past although always just been told they’ve come back ‘normal’. Doc did mention getting more done though when he gave most recent Sertraline so I might take him up on that.

@TwistAgain sorry to hear you’ve felt the same. It’s really horrible isn’t it? :(

@SchoolShenanigans yes have seen counsellor in the past but doesn’t seem to help longer term.

@MrsBobBlackadder im 40 so not sure if perimenopausal yet. I have PCOS so my hormones were already all over the place but my mood isn’t cyclical (dont have periods as have Mirena coil).

I'm with you totally on this, you have described pretty much how I'm feeling. Its like I'm drowning but there's no water, only way to describe. I plough on through every day to make sure DC are looked after and house is clean and I go to work but I'm a mess inside. I have waves of derealization too where I feel like everything is alien and strange. Very weird and unnerving. Sorry just wanted to say you are definitely not alone. It can be very lonely and isolating I know

Unfortunately coming back to this chat again. My darling cat died suddenly last week. She was only 3 and was one of my few comforts when I was feeling low.

Weve all been so upset but I’m struggling more than the rest of the family. Just about managing to ‘put a face on’ but at bedtime my mind is racing. I can’t stop feeling so guilty that I didn’t notice anything was seriously wrong till the last minute because I was feeling so low/tired etc. It also really distresses me that she was in so much distress in her last few hours (was during the night). Vet saying possibly cancer.

Bringing back so many awful memories as my DF died from cancer 11 years ago when I was still in my twenties and was heavily pregnant.

I cant sleep. I’m struggling to pick up the phone to call the doctor again. I’m still taking the Sertraline but I don’t think it’s helping at all.

Hi @Feelingempty84 I've stumbled across your thread today and wondered how you're getting on nearly a year on. I've just posted a similar thread and it feels like sort of comforting to read your post.