Babysitting niece and nephew - no interest from sister and bro in law

[Chris0078]

Ok so I have a 9yr old nephew and 13 yr old niece. I’ve offered in 2022 to babysit and there was never any date planned (my sister is a planner and plans things all the time with firm dates etc ) only when I forced a date in front of a family member did she confirm a date for babysitting in 2022. All went totally fine and the kids had a great time.

fast forward to 2023 and the same again, I’ve offered three times and still no interesting in setting a date for a weekend of babysitting but it’s ok for her to suggest I goto football to watch my nephew or take him to play foot golf in the summer holidays .

I think my brother in law is the issue as last year my sister did say “it would be nice” for me to babysit for the weekend.

ny sister wants her kids to have more involvement with uncles and aunties as when we were growing up we didn’t have that ourselves yet when I try to help them out / spend more time then I’m not taken up on the offer.

Considering she plans lots of dates and doesn’t give me a date it does hurt that here I am trying to be helpful and have a quality weekend but my offer is not taken upon . I don’t understand it .

any thoughts ?

Maybe she feels a weekend away from them is too much for them? And multiple short spells are better, hence the football suggestion. Could you do a scholl pick up? Or a cinema Saturday? Pizza Thursday? ( 2 hrs at a time)

only when I forced a date in front of a family member did she confirm a date for babysitting

Why would you do this?

It’s nice of you to offer, but it’s up to your sister and BIL to decide if they take you up on it.

It’s like offering someone a crisp and then ramming it down their throat when they don’t take it fast enough.

I can't understand the issue. She doesn't want/need an entire weekend of babysitting but wants you to do activities like football or golf?

If thats the case why not do the activities?

13 year olds don't need babysitting, but also like a 9yr old would probably like being taken out to something fun.

Perhaps the kids aren't that keen on it either if you don't spend much time together. Presumably the best person to discuss it with is your sister.

Why does she have to have a babysitter if she doesn’t want to and you’re forcing (irritating) her?

You sound a bit much, they are your sisters and her husbands children, stop trying to force something that is really none of your business.
Your behaviour would set alarm bells ringing in my head tbh and I would resist your offers even more.

Cheers well the kids had a fab time they said to their parents when I babysat last year and she often says it would be nice to have some help etc as they are demanding kiddies etc.

we all get on well, just this issue is

It's just you with this issue though and you have absolutely no right to insist you have weekend/overnight or any access to the children.
Your attitude is weird.

So you wanted them to stay over and because you weren’t getting what you wanted you forced the issue in front of a family so she had to let them stay over.

She wants you to be involved so asks you to attend things do things with the kids. But that’s not good enough for you. You will only be happy if they stay over?

Really?

It's probably the kids that don't want to spend the weekend with you; at that age, they would have most of the say.

Prior to 2022, had you ever spent time alone with them? If not, you may be a relative stranger to them.

Forcing your sister to hand over her kids to you for the weekend is quite an odd thing to do.

Do they need babysitting? 🤷‍♀️

If someone came on this strong over anything to me, I’d back off.

There could be a million reasons - the kids don’t enjoy it/ she’s nervous of leaving them/ something on your house worries them or her/ they don’t like missing weekend activities.

Whatever it is, she clearly doesn’t want your help in this way, so FGS don’t force it!

I'm not sure why it is you're trying to pressure them into letting you have the kids without them there? It seems a bit odd, if for whatever reason they are reluctant?

Do other people babysit overnight for them? They might not be comfortable with anyone doing it?

My DB loves my DD, and she adores him. I would absolutely not let him watch her overnight. He has no DC of his own, has never been responsible for a child, is great fun but would have absolutely no idea what she is an isn't capable of at her age - or any child of any age. He would potentially not hold her hand / risk assess inappropriately / let her have or leave lying around something that might hurt her (like his cutthroat razor in the bathroom)

Why not just go out with the kids and your Sis? All together? Even a weekend away somewhere if she might be interested in that? A theme park or something?

Most sisters and BiL would be biting your hand off OP. Providing you don't fill them full of sugar and crap I'd be giving you a selection of dates for you to choose from. My MiL and FiL took my 3 children for a week every summer because they lived by the seaside and my kids loved going. We used to go on a nice relaxed couple break.

Why would you try and force babysitting?!

Just go see the kids / take them out if she’s happy with that

Maybe sil doesn't want alone time with your db...

Does a 13 year old need forced babysitting? She's a teenager, not a 'kiddie'.

Clearly she doesn't actually want the 'help' and has just been polite for your sake. It was a shitty thing to do to force it in front of family. Just drop it. Honestly if a family member wanted to spend time with my children but wouldn't go to activities and would only see them for overnight stays there would be alarm bells going off in my head and I wouldn't let it happen.

Yes I 100% agree. The forcing it infront of family would have really got my back up as well and would make me feel even less like allowing it as you were clearly not taking the hint and I'd worry that attitude of pushing to get your own way would extend to how you were looking after the children.

Help is only help if the people involved actually want the help, OP.

If you want to spend time with the children couch it that way, and maybe start small. Go to football or foot golf or whatever. Why is it a weekend or nothing?