All this chat about "trauma responses" and traumatic childhood ... how do I actually heal myself?

[PlumpAndGrump]

Lately on social media there has been a huge shift in people opening up about their childhood or past traumas. Acknowledging them, finding out things they do and the way they are is because of what's happened to them.

I had a horrific childhood with two alcoholic parents who were abusive to each other and to us. I am 31 now and no contact with any of my blood relations for the past 2 years. I have an amazing husband and beautiful children, I'm devoted to making sure my children feel safe and loved.

I still suffer with anxiety and never feel good enough. I still hear my mothers voice in my head every day questioning every decision or choice I make.
I thought going no contact would solve the issue but it hasn't.

What do I have to do to heal myself? I overeat and am overweight and am really dedicated to losing weight but I know I am a comfort eater and if I can address why I do that, it may help my weight loss.

Can anyone recommend any books or anything that may help me actual deal with things?

Sorry for what you’ve been through.

There sadly isn’t one approach that works for everyone, or one book that can instantly fix you, nor can a therapist (or many therapists) guarantee to make everything better

You might need to try a few different things to find out what works for you, what resonates etc

Personally, I think this book is very very good and quite appropriate to your situation

Cherishing Me: Letters to a Motherless Child
https://a.co/d/f0Z5t5B

Thank you for replying. I've downloaded the audio book for that book as it sounds interesting.

I feel like I've gotten to the stage of acknowledgement but I don't know how to move on or heal. It affects me every day and I don't want it to affect my children the same way. They already don't know their grandparents so I'll have to explain that when they are older.

I think your kind of acceptance of trauma is useful in healing. You may also find the work of Dr Jessica Taylor of Victim Focus quite interesting and useful. (She has some free resources).

Get some decent therapy, I know it isn’t for everyone, but you don’t know until you try. It has made a huge positive difference for me.

I relate very much to the anxiety and not feeling good enough and the parental voice in my head questioning every decision I make. I had an abusive father and a mother who enables him (emotional verbal physical abuse) and experienced sexual abuse from several different people in different stages of my childhood and also bullying at my primary school especially . Then I fell into issues with my mental health and physical health .

I ended up needing intensive treatment and was diagnosed with BPD, OCD, Binge eating disorder, and complex trauma. I was given Dialectical Behaviour Therapy on the NHS, and I'm having trauma therapy now with a private therapist . It has really been helping me and I'm less anxious and doubting and questioning myself less. For the eating I found Overeaters Anon helpful.

For reading can recommend Dr Peter Walker, and the Facebook page and blogs by Dr Glenn Patrick Doyle, and Nate Postlethwaite.

A book I have been recommended by more than one mental health professional is
The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel van der Kolk
I also recommended therapy with a trained psychologist.