Understanding 5 year olds and friendships

[redskyatnight99]

Just that really.
First time mum, DD is nearly 5.
Concerned she's not making close friends at school and everyone has a "best friend".
Seems happy and always excited to go to school but doesn't seem to have made any real friendships.
She's quiet and can hang back a bit..
What can I do or what did you do to help your DC if they were like that?

DS is the opposite, quite extroverted , but has a different 'best friend' every time it comes up. We went to a soft play party last week and most of the children played together intermittently but also ran around on their own a lot
I think friendships are fairly transient/connect dependent at this age and it's mainly parents who apply greater meaning eg if a parent has a friend who has a child of a similar age

*context dependent

@UndercoverCop is there anything I could do to help her be a bit more confident..
I've watch her approach other children and become shy, not sure what to say..
Other kids running straight up or onto play equipment.
It's like they know what they want and aren't afraid
Could sports help build her confidence
She's very chatty at home of course and knows what she wants

I was shy as a child.

the best thing is to tell her its ok to feel a bit shy - and when she gets to know people she will feel less shy.

But don't make a big issue out of the shyness - and never make it seem a negative thing. Just say lots of people feel like that and its totally fine.

My friend eldest is 12 now and only really finding a group of friends now - and is always out with them. I think i was too anxious when he was little about him having friends and comparing him to others.

I'm not sure, I was shy as a child, I'm not now and neither of my parents are/were. I know I had a wonderful teacher in primary school who really seemed to understand me and encouraged me to talk about things I was passionate about.
I wouldn't worry too much at this age though, as I said I don't think any of them are actually making proper best friends

Reception teacher here 👋. We see DC like yours all the time - very normal! She’s likely taking her time to suss out situations. Even the shyest of my class last year have flourished in Y1 once they were in the swing of things, and more confident.
re: friendships - having ‘one best friend’ is often regarded as a negative in schools, and the dependence/ neediness can stop both parties from really broadening their experiences.
Have 1-1 play dates with different children, get to know the other mums, enroll in sports clubs locally where your DD may know others from her class and build from there.

But all sounds normal and nothing to worry about!

She’s nearly 5 which puts her just finishing Reception but one of the youngest yes? What does her teacher say? I’m a reception teacher and I have children in my class who don’t have ‘a best friend’ but they play with everyone. These children are generally the most confident children. They’re happy on their own, they’ll join the big group running on the playground and they’ll sit and draw with a couple of others. The children with ‘a best friend’ can sometimes rely far too much on that best friend. Some of them are quiet and I call them quietly confident and independent. They just get on with it! Does this sound like something your daughter could be??

Her teacher did describe her as quietly confident, but also said that she sometimes asks the teacher "can I play with such and such and such and such etc" The teacher asks has she asked them to play, and my DD often replies "no". Like she lacks confidence to go up and ask to play...
Teacher also says my DD likes to sit next to her whenever the class have to all sit down on the carpet together.....

@User10932 hello reception teacher 😊
What if there are a group of best friends, say three or four and they leave the other quieter ones out? At 5 I'm sure it's not like teenage girls!!! But I do get concerned as DD can be quiet and doesn't asset herself.
I've been really trying to tell her to play with friends who make her happy. If someone makes her sad to tell the teacher.
It also seems at this age they go through several emotions an hour! 😊
Any advice much appreciated

Hi OP, how is your DD getting on now? Mine started reception in September and I could have written your post. The teacher said she'll play with whoever is there but doesn't have a 'special friend'.

I think it's vanishingly rare for anyone to have a firm 'best friend' in Reception. I would just, as with the OP, suggest you stand back, encourage your child to be widely sociable among the other children, and, most importantly, model good, mutually supportive, healthy friendships and socialising yourself.

A child will absorb whatever she sees modelled by the adults around her. If you want her to be socially confident, friendly, and to make and maintain strong friendships (eventually, not aged five!), the best thing you can do is do that yourself.