Any advice. Any. PLEASE.

[DueyCheatemAndHow]

Our household is manic. It feels like a million words are spoken a day. The kids are 4 and 2 and they do not cease. From 6am til bedtime they do not stop talking, arguing, demanding, disobeying. They want to sing in the car - great - but then they argue because someone started at the wrong point or someone sang a verse they didn't want to.

DH and I are arguing a lot, it's hard to converse as the kids are constantly talking. You cant say anything without him giving you the spanish inquisition. 'What bag did you leave behind? What did it have in it?'

The only thing that quietens them is tv. They are both adored by everyone they meet. That sounds cuntish but its true. They talk to everyone, they use vocab way above their ages, they are always up for anything. But at home it's a nightmare. Emotional meltdowns. DD has epic tantrums (she's the 2 year old). DS is unable to entertain himself at all. He is emotional, highly strung, interested in anything.

I don't know whether this is normal. I feel like i go to the front line every day.

Help. Any help. Before I become known as the shouty lady down the road.

i used to think having an adult only place was mental but having 2 kids who fought like crazy I totally get it. My sanctuary was the bathroom. Peace and quiet and a locked door. Heaven for 10 mins while drinking HOT coffee

Yeah it's normal! Your 4 year old will probably chill out when he's been at school a while, it takes a lot of mental energy out of them. My two year old is like the Tasmanian devil, spends all day in a whirling dervish of disobedience. You have to exercise them lots, like dogs, that helps!

It's all about talking at this age. Don't discourage the chatter.

Things that saved my sanity:

● going to many toddler groups. I'd go to one most days, sometimes two in a day. Gives thr kids and you other people to talk to.
● coordinating nap times, or nap time and "quiet time" (TV) for the older one. I'd often lie down too for the naptime

Have you tried entertaining them wigj above age games? At 5 my ds could genuinely beat me at a game of cards or dominoes...
Your 2 yo may manage snap or pairs! Maybe they are genuinely bored...

We play Orchard Games but DD decides that she wants to play 'DD made up rules' which then infuriates DS.

At 2 and 4 it would be developmentally inappropriate to expect them to play with each other. Rather they play independently alongside each other.

Thing is DS doesn't play alone. At all.

Do you work at all? I find that really helps me if u send my LO off to nursery and go to work then when I am in mummy mode I'm much more tolerant of the whyyyyyyy

Oh gosh OP I hear you. Two summers ago I was almost you.

Reality is getting out as much as possible helped. Park, library, bus rides, anything cheap to occupy them.

It gets easier I promise.

So this is where you start.

You introduce 'quiet time' and send him off to his room with some toys. Explain to him beforehand what's going to happen (i.e. he is going to stay in his room having a quiet play until you come and get him). If he does it, massive praise! If he keeps coming out, just send him back, remind him it's quiet time until he gets it. Start short and extend slowly.

If DD has a nap, do it then. If not, she gets quiet time too. If they share a room, one goes in their room and one in another room. It may help initially if you go in your room, so they understand EVERYONE is having some quiet time in their bedroom.

I would also say, have a very busy morning. Lots of fresh air, exercise, mental stimulation so they're as ready as possible for a rest after lunch.

Yes. Slightly older dcs but yes! Its relentless. I miss them when they're at school but by 3 30 they've had arguments, endless demands etc.

I have started picking my battles more. Which may be the wrong way i dont know. But i just had to i felt like i was being torn apart every day.

Hold on. They are both in the frantic learning stages of life and it can be hard. Once the 4yr old goes to school it will change again. His mental and physical needs will be met by the teachers and his peers and you will be able to deal with the needs of the youngest a lot better.

My eldest was awful for needing my attention, I had to be involved in every single thing but our quiet time was when we both had a colouring book each and we coloured quietly. I still had to do it, she had to choose my picture, but she was quiet trying to concentrate on being inside the lines, choosing which colours etc. Is that something you could do with eldest while youngest did something she likes thats quiet?

Oh that's a good idea - I'll try the colouring idea, thank you

@NuffSaidSam that's a great idea, thank you.

I was you ten years ago. Looking back it was "the worst stage" and DH and I were exhausted (and often not as nice to each other as we should have been).

It felt like a military operation or some sort of hostage situation and their attention spans were so , so short, and their needs different which made me feel constantly guilty. A lovely time could turn sour in a heartbeat.

Nursery saved our sanity I think.
At weekends we'd sometimes split up, ie one parent did something with one child and the other two something else. For example DH took DD to the park and I would bake with DS. It felt less frantic. We also had to to lower expectations, on ourselves and the children. Proper cooking went out the window for a while, no regrets.