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Original poster

Anyone else have a DH that just never bloody listens?!

27 replies

ICancelledTheCheque · 25/07/2023 10:12

It’s so exasperating!

In the last 48 hours -

“DH, whilst I’m out can you please put X in the fridge and Y in the cupboard when it’s delivered” [puts all things together in an pile in the wrong place for me to sort when I get home]

Looking for a sofa - me ”I quite like this design but not in silver” - DH “I don’t want a silver sofa, can’t we pick a different colour”

Me - “I’ve found this company to do our new curtains, shall i book the appointment for Saturday, are you free?” DH - “They’re nice curtains 👍”

It’s starting to feel like the scenario where i divorce him for leaving a cup by the sink!

OP posts:
Original poster
ICancelledTheCheque · 25/07/2023 10:13

Oh and when he was at the shop - “could you please grab some eggs bread and milk whilst you’re there” [brings home bread and cheese] “well I thought that was what you asked for”

Its driving me potty!

OP posts:
blackclouds · 25/07/2023 10:15

Yes yes yes. Constantly. And then swears I've not asked him to get x or do y even when I show him a text to prove it , by which point it's irrelevant. His steadfast belief he's right is shocking
Argh!!! 😠

PriamFarrl · 25/07/2023 10:17

I fairness I stopped listening to DH years ago. He might say something important in amongst all the yakking on about this week’s hobby but I don’t hear it.

TomatoSandwiches · 25/07/2023 10:17

YANBU.

Original poster
ICancelledTheCheque · 25/07/2023 10:18

blackclouds · 25/07/2023 10:15

Yes yes yes. Constantly. And then swears I've not asked him to get x or do y even when I show him a text to prove it , by which point it's irrelevant. His steadfast belief he's right is shocking
Argh!!! 😠

Exactly this!

”well you never asked me to do that” YES I DID, HERES THE TEXT AS PROOF!

Solidarity. Maybe I should add a new patio to my home improvement…

OP posts:
Loocheeyar · 25/07/2023 10:18

Yes
now divorced
it drove me absolutely nuts
I swear it’s deliberate .
i also took to texting him everything I had said for back up .
really really fucking annoying . Stopped trying to talk to him altogether.
then one evening he breathed too loud and that was it

YarisKaris · 25/07/2023 10:19

Yanbu. Or they dismiss something when you say it, but if someone else says it they take it on board (possibly whilst acting like they thought of it all by themselves).

I frequently tell mine 'I told you so' these days as I'm fed up of them not listening.

Original poster
ICancelledTheCheque · 25/07/2023 10:27

Yes, at the moment i could actually divorce him for breathing too loud.

He also won’t ever answer the question that’s asked - “what time di you want to eat dinner?” DH “I fancy pizza, shall I go to the shop?” AAAARRRGGHHHH

OP posts:
Haveyoubrushedyourteeth · 25/07/2023 10:28

I've had this, and the frustration of it for years. Still not sure if it's lack of listening/caring/sheer stubbornness that he has to be right.

Recently though my mother has been diagnosed with dementia, and I've now realised that if this carries on then I'm going to lose my mind.
Obviously I'm worried sick about her ( and id be incredibly unlikely to develop it myself at this age) but having someone constantly telling me that I didn't say something, when I know I have, or that he's told me something, when I know he hasn't, isn't great at all

Casdentwo · 25/07/2023 10:31

Are you all married to my dh

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 25/07/2023 10:32

Mine asks me a question and then doesn't listen to the answer! Why bother asking if he doesn't want to know the answer?

And I firmly believe that, once I am not directly in his eyeline, I cease to exist. For example, he'll ask if I want a drink, and I'll say yes please, and he wanders off, gets distracted by something, and the drink never arrives. It's like he has the memory of a goldfish. Or I'm like the Dr Who monsters that everyone forgets when they look away from them. I am The Silence.

GrumpyPanda · 25/07/2023 10:33

ICancelledTheCheque · 25/07/2023 10:13

Oh and when he was at the shop - “could you please grab some eggs bread and milk whilst you’re there” [brings home bread and cheese] “well I thought that was what you asked for”

Its driving me potty!

Well what happens when that happens? You just do without, or does he make an immediate trip back to the store? I bet the latter would focus his mind!

saltrock123 · 25/07/2023 11:18

Drives you mad. Mine has selective hearing, swears blind he can't hear me unless Im asking something like, 'Fancy a cuppa? But if I ask 'Can you take the rubbish out? its Huh? I can't hear you !

Sickandtiredofbeingsick · 25/07/2023 11:56

My DH is the same! Even if I communicate by text about something, he won’t take in the whole message, so it’s pointless. Swears blind I didn’t tell him something and when I say I know I did, he just says I can’t know that every time! 😡 I have a narcissistic mother and was constantly invalidated as child (and still am as an adult 🙄) so he knows how important it is to me that he listens, but he still won’t make the effort to do so. It’s the only thing we ever argue about! 🤬

MatildaTheCat · 25/07/2023 12:02

Just this morning mine asked what time I could do something. I replied 11.30. A few minutes later he asked again and I just said I’ve already told you, you need to remember. Weirdly he did.

It’s lazy and disrespectful and I don’t tolerate it anymore.

Although apparently he told me he was doing something yesterday and I have absolutely no recollection of it so I do need to be a bit cautious 😳

RedRosette2023 · 25/07/2023 12:04

Yup.

I got in the car recently and he had the most bizarre radio station on (just not something I’d expect him to listen to) I asked if he listened to it whilst he was driving.

He said he didn’t know - he just blocks it out. Like how the fuck can you switch your ears off to background noise like that??!

It’s often a battle to have a conversation with him. Drives me insane. Sometimes I don’t bother telling him stuff because it’s just not worth the effort of engaging.

SquigglyGum · 26/07/2023 12:34

Well that was a triggering read. Yanbu. I'm in it too. I often start taking to dh, as he's in the room with me, and his mind is elsewhere. Instead of hearing the noise of my voice and saying "hold on i wasn't listening", he let's me finish then just says "huh?". I'm not repeating all that! How disrespectful.

SquigglyGum · 26/07/2023 12:36

RedRosette2023 · 25/07/2023 12:04

Yup.

I got in the car recently and he had the most bizarre radio station on (just not something I’d expect him to listen to) I asked if he listened to it whilst he was driving.

He said he didn’t know - he just blocks it out. Like how the fuck can you switch your ears off to background noise like that??!

It’s often a battle to have a conversation with him. Drives me insane. Sometimes I don’t bother telling him stuff because it’s just not worth the effort of engaging.

I also don't bother telling my dh stuff sometimes. I told him so and he did this hurt face. Like it's not something he could actively change

TwilightSkies · 26/07/2023 12:51

I’m so glad to be single. These men just don’t care.

Devilsmommy · 26/07/2023 12:59

Apparently when I'm talking all he hears is the waah waah noise like the adults in the Charlie Brown show😠

Epicstorm · 26/07/2023 13:00

Mine tells me I must have asked him while he was busy!

WaitingForSunnyDays · 26/07/2023 13:08

Oh, mine too. I sometimes ask him to repeat what I just said, just to try to get him to retain the information. That has varying success, and sometimes he seems offended that I think he wasn't listening 🤷‍♀️

RedRosette2023 · 26/07/2023 13:12

SquigglyGum · 26/07/2023 12:36

I also don't bother telling my dh stuff sometimes. I told him so and he did this hurt face. Like it's not something he could actively change

Show quote history

Yeah I don’t think it’s intentional or uncaring from my DH. I think he is naturally a quiet person who would be happy to sit in silence and he talks ALL day to colleagues. Tbh I think that wears him out.

Whereas I wfh all day and am a naturally talkative person. So when he gets home I’m desperate for interaction and he’s desperate for peace.

I do sometimes have to say to him that he’s being rude by not even trying! Needs to be some balance.

CurlewKate · 26/07/2023 13:28

Time for serious conversations. One with yourselves "Is this how I want the rest of my live to be? If not, what can I do about it?"

One with him."Is this the sort of relationship you want your children to have? Because this wi what they will think is normal. If not, what are you going to do about it?"

LibertyLily · 26/07/2023 13:59

WaitingForSunnyDays · 26/07/2023 13:08

Oh, mine too. I sometimes ask him to repeat what I just said, just to try to get him to retain the information. That has varying success, and sometimes he seems offended that I think he wasn't listening 🤷‍♀️

I do this too.

My DH claims to be partially deaf although in 30 years I've never seen anything else to support this. He also admits to having selective hearing - annoyingly it's always me he selects not to hear 🙄

He's actually very gregarious and chatty with strangers - for example he'll strike up conversations with randoms in our quiet country lane (often people staying at a nearby air bnb, out walking their dogs) as well as people who come to pick up an item we've sold - and can tell me all about their life etc. He's also very charming in his day job. Yet I only have to ask a simple question and he fails to take it in.

It drives me nuts tbh and I've also taken to speaking less as a result as I hate having to repeat myself constantly. Both my parents (and my grandmother) had dementia so I'm conscious of not wanting to appear lacking in patience or empathy but in DH's case I do honestly think it's more 'can't be arsed to listen' than genuinely not recalling what I've said.