Age gap friendships gone wrong

[TuesdayInHalifax]

I’ve been wondering about this lately.

Two people become friends and there’s a two decade age gap. The younger one (20s) relies on the older one (40s) for advice and looks up to them. Probably doesn’t appreciate that older people don’t have their shit sorted and aren’t strong and wise.

The older one is at a different life stage with all that entails and finds the friendship one sided and rather burdensome.

The younger person notices the older person doesn’t really like them, so backs off.

Decades later, the two cross paths again. How would you deal with it as the older or younger person?

Which one is you? Just be polite and keep a distance.

Say "Hi, how are you!", chat briefly, move on.

I don’t want to say in case the other person reads Mumsnet. In our case we did say nothing and kept our distance.

But what I mean is, does the older person bear a little more responsibility as the older person? Or should the younger person just think ok I can see their point of view now I’m older myself, and then as Elsa said “let it go”.

No the older person doesn't bear more responsibility, sometimes friendships just don't last. It's an odd thing to be trying to apportion blame for. Let it go, unless there's massively more to it than you've said.

If it's been ten since, the younger is now well into their 30s so both can act like fully grown adults and be responsible for themselves.

Everyone was an adult, no one has extra responsibility
friendships end for many reasons

You are obviously the older person, and that isn’t particularly outing - there are plenty of 40 year olds with younger colleagues/acquaintances.

I don’t think you bear any responsibility for anything - friendships are a two-way street, and if one person doesn’t want to be friends that is up to them. I’d be polite to the person now you have crossed paths again, just as you would be if you met an old school mum friend from a decade ago.