MIL buying bad/cheap quality clothes!

[SkyBlue1987]

Over the past few years I have been trying to be both more minimalist/sustainable including with both mine and my toddler’s wardrobes. DH buys his own stuff but he doesn’t buy a lot either. I try to buy quality over quantity, cotton/wool only, and have my favourite kids clothing brands I love to support (small businesses) and get a few pieces second hand as well. I enjoy picking out my son’s clothes each season and try to stick to colours that suit him and so everything he has tends to match somewhat. I also find I’m probably not actually spending more as the clothes last so much longer and will be handed down.

My MIL is the opposite - she is bored (I think) and likes to shop. She has brought him SO much clothing (not to mention toys) and all of it is cheap/bad quality and as a result doesn’t fit well. Eg. jumpers with a high polyester content that pill after one wash and tacky slogan type prints that crack/peel etc. Not even worth it for daycare as the stuff he already has stands up to daycare wear and tear better - I use a lot of good quality second hand stuff for daycare. Part of it is she lives in a smallish town with not a lot of options but still, she knows how to shop online if she wants. I don’t want to sound ungrateful (maybe I am) but any ideas how to subtlety get her to tone it down? It only frustrates me so much as I hate the waste.

Various options, OP. You could say nothing and just donate all the clothes to charity unworn. You could tell MIL that your DC has enough clothes and doesn’t need more, but you would welcome books/toys instead. You could ask for the receipts, and exchange the clothes for ones that you approve.

can you redirect her shopping to something like books? vs clothing or a savings account for post secondary education or sport??
by 4-5 you can say that your child is particular and it being best to not purchase unless from two trusted brands.
right off the bat, set the gifted items aside for someone else/donation.
not sure how much you should be reviewing this with her vs her son but both of you should convey the same message.
btw i'm a grandmother and both my dd and daughter in law have had the no clothing discussion with me, which was fine. we buy sports equipment now, bikes etc. after consultation and loads of input back and forth.
one of my friends pays for all extra curricular sports (figure skating/gymnastics/and soccer).

Can you just tell her you don’t need any more clothes, and the ones you do buy will be purchased with sustainably in mind.Just explain.

If she really wants to contribute why not see if you can all go shopping for a winter coat or shoes.

Tell her your DS could really use books or crayons or a tonne of plain paper for writing and drawing.

Mines the same. It all comes off Shein type brands from Amazon 😳 then she quizzes me on whether they’ve worn X or Y she bought them yet, and when, and can I put them in the clothes for tomorrow when we go somewhere.

I’m not a labels snob at all, but all the cheap man made fibres are sweaty and itchy and like you say don’t wash well or last long.

I could ask her to spend it instead on books, but I don’t think she would - she would see it as too boring and unrewarding for her. She likes to physically see them in things she has bought them.

I’m just donating it all then making excuses about why they’re not wearing them…

I see both sides. Incredibly annoying and wasteful for you but it obviously gives her pleasure to buy things and spoil her grandchild. If I were you, I would mention that you are quite particular about his clothes, so would she mind buying books, or things you would like him to have. Even if she overbuys you dont need to give them to him all at once.
If she persists with the clothes that you don't like, then donate them.
I'm sure she means well. Things have changed so much since she was a young mum and she probably enjoys going out and choosing things for him. You could take her out shopping for a special occasion and show her the sort of thing you like... if you have that sort of relationship

I know this situation extremely well. My DB and SIL were total clothes snobs when they had DC. I’m talking 30 years ago and everything had to be Benetton and Gap. My poor Grannie could only get to her local town and would buy dresses from the market. My mum would knit jumpers with Thomas The Tank Engine on etc. SIL hated these clothes and she told mum & grannie she only wanted clothes from Benetton and Gap. Mum & Grannie were deeply upset and deprived of buying clothes, those shops weren’t local to them and they couldn’t really afford to buy there anyway. Roll on another 15 years when I had my first DC, Grannie had died by now and I simply couldn’t take the pleasure of buying outfits away from my Mum. We’ve had some absolute hideous things! Most were worn once so I could say “DC looks lovely in…” that hideous nylon cardi with flowers. I would pass on to charity shops. It did get easier once DC started school as there was always something needed, sparkly tights for a play, donkey outfit for Nativity.
Please be aware of the hurt you may cause your mum (and the PITA you may defer for your sibling!).

So we have to let people indulge in wasteful behaviour buying unnecessary crap because they enjoy it?

If it's shopping they enjoy they could trawl charity shops or look on Vinted for the things the OP likes.

Or if they want to give/spend money they could pay into a savings account for when they are older.

Both options are a better outcome than buying loads of rubbish that the OP doesn't want.

@BarbaraofSeville i agree. I think it’s the type of buying that’s more about the buyer than the recipient. The other issue is slightly older people don’t really seem to know about responsible buying, they didn’t have many options when younger so are overwhelmed by all the tat you can buy cheaply online. They don’t realise the issue with it, expecting it to be the same quality as stuff you buy from the shops.

That should say sometimes, not all of them obviously, my Nan is pretty good for buying responsibly and isn’t taken in by Shein or the like

Can you redirect her to Vinted to get good quality stuff second hand? My MIL loves trawling through the stuff on there and getting good bargains

Tell her to save her money to spend on either day so ut and experiences with your son, or to put into a savings account for him.

Days out*

For the sake of your relationship with your mil I wouldn’t say anything. Take an odd photo with your Ds in something she’s given you and donate the rest. Someone will be glad of it and then you don’t hurt her feelings.

Are we talking about a toddler? So in a year or two you may not have the control over what they wear that you currently do. You may find that granny's polyester tops with superheroes/ Dino's etc are what your kid wants to wear. I would encourage her to buy second hand so at least it's relatively ethical and leave it at that.