Starting a family - what would you do?

[hamustro]

In a nutshell, my husband and I want to start a family. My job isn't particularly stable but I have been there over two years so have some protections, and worry I'd be worse off by moving to another company that I perceive as more stable. I'm worried about getting made redundant before the 'qualifying week', but after getting pregnant, as my understanding is that I would then no longer qualify for SMP and would get SMA instead. That would mean going back to work a few weeks after giving birth.

What would you do? Would you change jobs or stay put? Would you delay TTC? For what it's worth we're in our early 30s and have put off TTC for years because things keep springing up like the pandemic, illness, unemployment, saving for a deposit on a house, etc.

I wouldn’t put off having a family. There’s never an ideal time. I was early 30s so put it off due to career. Then it took 3 years and I was diagnosed with a health condition that would need sorting before a 2nd pregnancy. Then the pandemic hit and my health issue didn’t get sorted. It’s now too late and we have just one child. I am so, so grateful to have her as it could have been very different but my family doesn’t feel complete, and I long for a second child.

I was playing the game of life-chess as strategically as possible so that I was in the best position when we had kids. Then after years of waiting, I thought “fuck this, I don’t want to wait any longer”. 9 months later….

I think you should crack on, you might hate any job you move to and then you’re sort of stuck. Why isn’t your current job stable?

Personally I think there's no good time to have a baby. People watch their fertile days slide away while waiting until everything is perfect. I think they're the same ones who jump on posters on here with "why on earth did you have kids if you aren't a millionaire with three ponies and an Aston Martin yet??"
But having said that I think you have to decide for yourself what your most basic level of stability is that you'll accept before TTC.

For us, we took 7 years to conceive DC1 so I'm glad that we just went for it despite those years seeing a lot of changes career-wise and financially.

What kind of money is your DH on?

Thanks everyone. I sort of think I should just crack on with it but it also feels a bit irresponsible. On the other hand, I don't think our financial situation is going to get much better.

@EmmyToo We went through a round of redundancies last year and I worry it'll happen again. Workload is a bit feast or famine and things are slowing down again, which concerns me. It can all change at the drop of a hat though. It's a small business so less breathing room than with a nationwide company. If work slows down for a while my boss voices her concerns about lack of work which doesn't help.

@SleepingStandingUp Not much at all as he only works very part time due to health issues. The idea is he will provide childcare while I return to work full time (while I'm working my wage is fine to cover our bills), but ideally not weeks after giving birth!

I agree with @pinguins there isn’t a right time and there would always be a reason to wait.

Hi @hamustro start ttc hun, don't delay it xx

@Summer2424 Thanks, and thanks everyone. Sounds like I'm overthinking and should just go for it!

I personally wouldn't delay TTC because of the risk of a possible redundancy. For most people, there isn't masses of difference between SMP and MA. I've had MA both times and we managed just fine. It may just be something you need to plan for, just in case. Even if you got pregnant tomorrow, you have 9 months to build some buffer.

That said, because you said your partner has health issues which mean he can only work very part-time, but the plan is for taking on being the primary caregiver so you can return to work. Has your partner spent significant time caring for small children? It's very taxing. It's certainly harder than work, more exhausting and more physically and emotionally damaging. If that is your plan, I'd actually be more concerned about making sure you have a childcare plan B in place, rather than worrying about maternity pay. What happens if he isn't able to look after the children full-time?

For what it's worth we're in our early 30s and have put off TTC for years because things keep springing up like the pandemic, illness, unemployment, saving for a deposit on a house, etc.

Exactly. Just do it. You’re overthinking. There’s no perfect time. People have kids in all sorts of circs.