Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

He says he's keen but im not so sure - what do you think?

31 replies

Celia24 · 24/07/2023 21:25

Met on an app, hit it off and spoke most days until the first date, and very occasionally every other day.

The first date went well (from my pov). He seemed a bit shy and guarded at times but mostly we had great conversation and I felt really safe with him. Lots of laughs too and he contacted me right after the date.

Now a few days after the first date contact dropped dramatically. Eventually I thought I was being ghosted and essentially sent an 'all the best' message. He replied straight away saying he was sorry, it was a temporarily busy period which would be over soon and he was really keen to see me again.

So he said let's set a date now & threw out some options. I replied 2 days ago but 48 hours later I've heard nothing from him.

Why would a guy say he was very keen if he is this unresponsive? I'm finding it hard to match his words to his actions right now.

OP posts:
Fleetheart · 24/07/2023 21:26

he’s trying to keep you warm. Get rid.

daisychain01 · 24/07/2023 21:27

Block him and move on.

hes a time-waster, simple as.

daisychain01 · 24/07/2023 21:29

The good thing is, you've recognised his words and actions don't add up. A lot of people wouldn't have picked up on that.

that makes you waaaaay too good for him 😊

Fourlegsandatail · 24/07/2023 21:33

I agree he’s trying to keep you warm.

Original poster
Celia24 · 24/07/2023 21:33

My question is - why SAY he's keen if he isn't?

I understand it's a stressful time. He's going through the period of buying his first home right now alongside his full time job.

But how busy do you have to be not to send a reply? He said he can be crap at texting but will aim to be better - and looking at his social media, he never posts, so there's some truth in it.

But I'm a romantic prospect! Surely he should be more excited to set up this date 🙂

OP posts:
Original poster
Celia24 · 24/07/2023 21:40

I'm annoyed and honestly a bit hurt because I have him the chance to leave it by saying he didn't seem that fussed anymore and I required more connection, so bye

Then he comes back claiming he is very keen! His last message about wanting to set up a date sounded sincere and he was still asking about my life. It's really not a nice feeling to feel messed about.

OP posts:
LunaNorth · 24/07/2023 21:43

He’s keeping you on the boil so you’re an option for sex.

Never make someone a priority if they treat you as an option.

Original poster
Celia24 · 24/07/2023 21:49

Well I'm not going to be an option for sex because I need an ongoing connection for that these days @LunaNorth

It hurts because it feels like I've been rejected after one date without being out and out rejected. I think I'm a catch! It's crap. 😔

OP posts:
Justcallmebebes · 24/07/2023 21:49

Don't listen to his words, listen to his actions

LunaNorth · 24/07/2023 21:54

You are a catch, he’s just too stupid to see it. Don’t waste your beauty on him.

Original poster
Celia24 · 24/07/2023 22:19

Thanks @LunaNorth - I'm more angry that he would string me along after I recognized and called it out. He could've easily left it, rather than insisting he liked me.

I just feel like is basic consideration too much to ask? When it comes to online dating, seems like it is!

OP posts:
LunaNorth · 24/07/2023 23:00

He’s obviously a wimp as well as a timewaster. There’ll be someone lovely along soon. Don’t waste any more time on this one.

MeinKraft · 24/07/2023 23:05

Some blokes are just like that, all talk and no trousers.

RachelNoire · 24/07/2023 23:09

48 hours later and he hasn’t replied?

seriously fuck him off, you can do and deserve better OP!

Creatingspace · 24/07/2023 23:11

Unpopular opinion here but what's the harm in just waiting and seeing?

My DP was terrible at messaging when we first started dating but 4 years later we are still going strong.

Are you sure he isn't just one of the super laid back types. Don't forget that men think in an entirely different way to women.

I hope you get the outcome that you want and if you call it quits/block him you are happy with your decision. x

Kinsters · 25/07/2023 03:22

If you like him then I wouldn't give up on him totally but definitely be cautious. I was way more into my now DH than he was into me at the begining but we've ended up very happily married with two kids.

Summer2424 · 25/07/2023 03:34

Hi @Celia24 that is so annoying, why start something then go silent. I would keep my options open, date other guys x

Dotcheck · 25/07/2023 03:36

OP,
just leave it. He’s playing the game. He doesn’t have to be emotionally invested after just one date.
You’ve recognised that his words and actions don’t match up, and that it breaches a boundary for you. Just draw a line under it and move on.
You didn’t know him at all, he just put some words into a text box on his phone. It doesn’t mean anything. Unless you want online dating to crush you, follow your instincts - they’re serving you well, and ditch this one and move on to the next.

Original poster
Celia24 · 25/07/2023 07:21

@Dotcheck I know you're right re emotional investment. But the inconsistency is ruining the connection for me.

Is the issue that I'm not playing the game? As in I should be far more laid back early on, say until a few dates in or so. You're right, it just doesn't feel right to me on a gut level.
But I'm unsure if I need to change my approach to online dating entirely.

OP posts:
Kamia · 25/07/2023 08:37

It's just been one date. It's too early to be expecting him to call everyday. Meet a few more people set some dates. Don't be too available for this man. These days people are too fussy and there are too many options with online dating. They are all these red flags, green flags, yellow flags. Dating has changed. I had a man like yours met him online and I just moved on from him. After I was in a relationship he called me being regretful saying he will never forget me and I realised how slimy he is. You don't really know this man and I realise sometimes we fantasise and fall for who we think they are.

EmmaDilemma5 · 25/07/2023 08:41

It's not you Celia, it's definitely him! I also suspect you couldn't have changed a thing about the date to change the outcome.

He's probably a serial messer. I know people who become addicted to the initial chat and chase. They aren't serious about finding someone.

I'd send him a message, saying you feel he's treating you poorly, and that everyone has time for the odd text outside of work. That if that's the way he treats people, you're not interested. Then block him.

EmmaDilemma5 · 25/07/2023 08:42

You should never have to play a game for the right person. The right relationship will be fun and easy.

Original poster
Celia24 · 25/07/2023 22:30

@EmmaDilemma5 I'm definitely being ghosted as he still hasn't been in touch. I was out with friends tonight but tbh it's ruined my day and I feel upset. I feel disrespected, that's the worst part.

I haven't decided if I'll message again or not. I have done with a ghoster previously - he claimed he wasn't ghosting then ghosted further...and started calling 3 months later 🙂

It really bothers me that people can't have basic human decency. No one held a gun to his head and forced him to keep talking and ask me on more dates!

OP posts:
Dotcheck · 25/07/2023 22:33

OP- honestly- if this has hurt you, then get off the sites, regroup and go back oknwhen you’re feeling tougher.

SmirnoffIceIsNice · 25/07/2023 22:46

No way would I message him again. You've given him ample chance and it shouldn't take 3 days for him to reply. I'd block and move on, regardless of whether he crawls back with an excuse.