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Original poster

Son's girlfriend's parents gave me a birthday present....

31 replies

CurlewKate · 24/07/2023 18:57

Son and gf are 22, live together and seem very happy and settled. I've met her parents a couple of times and liked them. It was my birthday yesterday and they sent a card, which was lovely- and a voucher for a local farm shop for £30- which was unexpected! Would you be surprised? I'm going to have to up my game at Christmas, aren't I??

OP posts:

BaublesinSummer · 26/07/2023 00:46

Grinchymother · 25/07/2023 06:40

I feel the same as @ChChChangeIsAfoot Although a nice gesture on the face of it, for me I'd also feel pressure to be reciprocating- and then where does it stop?
All I have ever wanted is a reasonable working relationship with my children's friends/partners families.
Certainly don't want to be friends with them. That would all be a bit too much Gavin and Stacey for me!
Siblings and I also don't exchange gifts except on special birthdays and anniversaries.

I'm finding this attitude a little bit depressing.

What's wrong with getting to know and like your in-laws?

SleepyMathematician · 26/07/2023 07:19

DD has been with her boyfriend four years, he lives with us etc.
His parents have given us presents from the off, tubs of chocolates, brought stuff back for us from their holidays etc. I too was “oh crap, I have to buy back” at first. However, I haven’t and I don’t think they’re offended. What I have done is hosted them loads round here, barbecues, Christmas, etc. They aren’t the type to want to do that back. So I think we are even!
Enjoy it. I get on so well with DD’s boyfriend’s mum, she’s lovely. His family are a nice addition to our lives.

Hibiscrubbed · 26/07/2023 07:25

CurlewKate · 25/07/2023 14:53

@Hibiscrubbed " Christ, you think you’re shocked on here and then you read this. Absolute cunts"
Out of interest, is that directed at me?

Of course not! Did people really miss my intense sarcasm?! 😂 I was joking about them being ‘absolute cunts’. I was joking because they did a lovely thing and everyone on this thread is oddly upset by it. I was poking fun at that… Nevermind. Wrong crowd, I guess.

Grinchymother · 26/07/2023 07:35

@BaublesinSummer nothing wrong with getting to know and like your in laws, but until a relationship is long term and permanent, Im not sure that getting too involved with them is a good idea. I outlined my reasoning for that upthread.

Also, as pp have pointed out, not everyone can afford to reciprocate with gifts. And if that's a long term situation, it does become very stressful. And at what point does it stop?

Anothernamethesamegame · 26/07/2023 07:41

Yea I’m one that wouldn’t like this. They’re trying to be kind, so their intentions are good…but for me it would feel a bit too much.

I wouldn’t want a card from someone I barely knew, let alone a £30 present. If they wanted to get to know me I’d rather they suggested a joint lunch or something.

After spending years working to limit the number of people I pointlessly buy gifts for, I’d do what someone else suggested. Just send a card/v small gift early at Xmas- I wouldn’t want to get in to having another person to buy gifts for especaially when I barely know them.

Thing is gift giving/receiving is a very personal thing. Some people love it and some people feel it is a burden. I’d see their good intentions but not reciprocate to that level of gift.

MayThe4th · 26/07/2023 07:51

@Hibiscrubbed · I got your sarcasm.

There are some miserable fuckers on this thread. But then MN is full of people who aren’t happy unless they’ve got something to be offended about.

My parents and ILs exchange Christmas cards every year. Me and them exchange presents at Christmas and birthdays and last week I went to visit them, for the day, on my own. My DC are now adult.

Me and their son have been divorced for eleven years.

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