Dh forgot my birthday

[Feckinlego]

My birthday is today. Was reading in bed after midnight when ds came in to say happy birthday as Snapchat informed him. I saw dh face fall. He got up this morning and went to tesco to buy me chocolates and flowers. I know I'm being petty here but they are lillies which I hate and I have no sweet tooth. We have been together 30 years so he knows this.
Thing is we haven't been getting on great lately and I know it's me in the wrong, so I don't blame him for forgetting. I just can't help but be upset at how little he obviously thinks of me. I feel like I must be a terrible person.
I know I'm feeling sorry for myself. Can anyone give me a virtual kick up the bum and tell me its not the end of the world please?

I'm not going to give you a kick up the bum, I think you're right to be hurt and feel unappreciated. It's a shitty thing that DH forgot and he knows it which is why he nipped out this morning.

Happy birthday OP, and please tell him how hurt you are. You don't have to 'blame' him but he should know how you feel.

It's a standing joke in this house that no one really does anything for my birthday, I get all their presents (14, 12 year old & H) from not just me each other, and they barely scrape together a card between them it's very entertaining.

I thrive off their guilt, every year!

But it's different I guess because there is continuous love all year my "one" special day is borderline irrelevant.

It's just a day, at this age. Or that's how I feel.

Thanks. Yes it is just another day, just hurts. Not even an apology. Ah ill get over it! Afraid to say anything because I can't bear another row.

Haven’t you been talking about your birthday though and making plans? Or have you been silent about it?

I find going on about it for a few weeks before means nobody forgets.

I'm sick of this me incompetence. It's all over mumsnet everyday. My two ex husbands were the same. It's making me hate men tbh.

I sent dh a link the other day as it’s mine in a fortnight so I prevent this (the perfume I wanted has arrived)

what annoys me is not getting a nice Christmas car to wide or mother or valentines being forgotten (I know that’s cheesy)

dh buys good cards (you know not from a generic box) for the neighbours so it hurt one year when I got none.

I don’t entirely understand how these things happen; did you not have any conversations in the last week about what you might do on your birthday?
DH wouldn’t be able to forget my birthday as I make plans and let him know what we’re doing. I also drop unsubtle hints about what I want for my birthday (basically just tell him)

Firstly - happy birthday!!!
I'm sorry you feel upset. I hope you can enjoy the rest of your special day.

I'm sorry he did this to you. No matter what's been going on I don't think it's right to treat you this way on your birthday. It's a horrible thing to do and you don't deserve it.

If I fell out with my DH I would make a special effort on his birthday as it's a special day and you only turn that age once so I feel it should be celebrated.

Try not to let it upset you and enjoy the rest of your birthday x

Sending virtual hugs x

Thing is he did give me the flowers and chocolates so if I say I'm upset it will look like I'm being ungrateful. Would have preferred for him to say sorry and move on.

Have you managed to do something nice for yourself today?

He might redeem himself yet. There's still time.

I'd be more annoyed with the gifts you don't like than the forgetting to be honest. He should know your preferences, and if he couldn't get anything you like at short notice then he should deal with that instead of orchestrating it so you can't really be annoyed with him.

Enjoy your day!! I'm sure it won't happen again

Any plans for tonight OP? Can’t you say I’d really love to try that new restaurant in town or could we go back to that lovely pub?

Yeah maybe he will apologise later on. But don't spend the whole day thinking about it, do something you love and treat yourself x

Was there no mention of your birthday in the last few weeks from them or you? Do you not say what you’d like to do? Or did you and he still forgot?

That’s a good idea to plan something for tonight !

Happy birthday!

I don't think you're in the wrong in the slightest, nor do you need a kick up the bum.

I'd be absolutely fuming and my DH would know 😂
Don't agree with the PPs saying you should have to drop hints in advance.

The meat I'd have expected was an apology for forgetting followed by a half decent present. And by half decent present, I'm not meaning the financial value. I'd just expect something that took a bit of thought/effort and showed they know and care for me

We talked about it a couple of weeks ago but then it hasn't been mentioned since as we've been so busy.
Not doing anything today except cleaning! I'm not really in a celebratory mood. Probably am cutting off my nose to spite my face but I can't snap out of feeling sorry for myself. My own fault the day is ruined!

He's away to get tools to fix the sink that's been broken for months so I know that's his apology!

Firstly, Happy Birthday!

30 years together? Absolutely no excuse for forgetting, you shouldn't have to remind, or drop hints, or mention plans that you want to make. It's the same date every year, and has been as long as he knows you.

Happy birthday 🎂

Totally understand you feel hurt, OP. I'd start planning to do something nice in the next few days, either a coffee/meal out with a friend, a potter around town and buy yourself something. One thing, I definitely wouldn't be doing tonight is cooking tea. Up to him to plan that, even if it's something simple from supermarket like pizzas and salad.

Happy Birthday, OP.

I would just ask him what are you doing for my birthday meal then?

DH is hopeless with birthdays including his own. He wasn’t brought up celebrating them (different culture). Does your DH care about his own birthday?

If he does care about his but forgets yours he can go do one!
If he really doesn’t bother with his own either then you have to tell him directly that your birthday matters to you and he needs to make a bit more effort.

I remind DH in advance and tell him what I expect e.g. card, cake but not bothered about a present etc. If he then doesn’t bother I would be rather uncompromising in my response.

We’ve been together nearly as long as you and I’ve gone for the art of the possible rather than something that would be out of character for him.

Yes maybe I'm expecting too much from him, I'll try remind him next year. Can't keep having these totally miserable birthdays. I know I'm being overdramatic but tears just keep springing to my eyes all day. Bedtime shortly I think!

Next year, you book yourself a spa day

Was there no mention in the run up? I’ve been married 25 years, if my DH forgot my birthday, I’d be so upset. Forget his, OP, he has no excuse.

I understand that you don’t feel like you should have to remind him but it’s not necessarily just that. It may be me but I’ll be making plans a while before. Then talking about these plans the few days before hand. The day before I’m excited about my birthday so I’ll chat again about it! No chance of any bugger forgetting my birthday in this house. And yes I know it’s annoying but I love birthdays and they should be celebrated.

Plan something special next year - it will make it much better. Sorry you’ve had such a rubbish day.