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Finishing sentences / repeating words someone else is saying

49 replies

passthesugar · 24/07/2023 11:22

I've known a couple of women who do this. Sometimes when we're chatting and I'm speaking to them, they will nod along and sort of repeat the end of my sentence immediately after I've said it - almost finishing my sentence and talking over me slightly. Not in a rude way, more like anticipating/mimicking what I'm saying. It's a bit distracting though. Has anyone experienced this or know what's going on there? I'm curious

OP posts:
midgetastic · 24/07/2023 11:27

Isn't echoing back meant to be a sign you are listening ?

Appleofmyeye2023 · 24/07/2023 11:49

Guilty😳🤦‍♀️
It’s not something I’m proud of and am very conscious of - I’m much better than I was with age and a lot of practice of not doing it.

it comes out worst, when I’m passionate about something, and is a form (usually) of either agreeing with something very strongly, or the opposite where someone is saying something that I know won’t work, is not correct, or just an opinion I don’t share and I’m trying to get that point out to them make my point.

sometimes though, I do it because the person is very long winded, goes off on tangents or is hesitant- that, I’m sorry I say, is then just my appalling lack of patience

I think it comes down to personality types really. I’m a deep thinker, introvert but at same time very much a “driver” . I’m very factual and logical (science training). I’m also pretty eloquent naturally - it runs in our family , and we have our fair share of bullshitters too 🤷🏼‍♀️🤦‍♀️

I’m worse when I’m with people who are more “feeling”, less factual, less clear about getting to a point clearly, eloquently, especially people who need time to think while they talk. I do very often know what they are trying to say and because I want the conversation to flow instinctively jump in and push it forward. But, as you say, I’m sort of doing it because I feel I know what they want to say, and am mirroring what I have heard but then just want the point made and move on quickly.
That’s what so unattractive about what I do, and why I try to really temper it - I have to tell myself to slow down ,be patient and let people fully speak

I got so aware of this at work where I managed a team that worked on a lot of improvement activities, and did shared brain dumps etc, thst I introduced a “talking stick”. I wasn’t the only one with this unattractive tendency and had a few people who were full of great ideas but took a time to express them . The talking stick worked a treat, a bit bizarre for anyone on outside of team, but it became a short hand for my quieter team members to tell me to shut up safely - they’d say “I have the talking stick now”, I’d laugh, and apologise. It was the metaphorical telling off I needed .

interestingly, I have know way more men then women do this, especially in work environments. I have a theory that it is way more acceptable and normal for men to interrupt . And that a lot of people don’t even register it happening until a women does it. I used to count the number of times male colleagues did the same to me and never, ever, got pulled up on it. Whereas I got pulled up on it by male bosses early in my career, and worked on it , whereas in reality those same male bosses were worse than me. It’s men’s “authority” premium .

CountTo10 · 24/07/2023 11:51

The only time I would be tempted to do it (and I don't) is when the person talking is being really slow and boring and I just want them to hurry up and get to the point! I just bite my tongue instead and concentrate on my breathing!

passthesugar · 24/07/2023 11:51

They are certainly listening - quite intensely I'd say. I just find it slightly odd for someone to anticipate what I'm about to say and then jump in to say it at the same time as me. It's like when you have a bad signal on a Zoom call and can hear the echo of your own voice - it's really distracting! How common is it for people to do this? Do they know they're doing it, I wonder?

OP posts:
passthesugar · 24/07/2023 11:54

@Appleofmyeye2023 interesting to hear your experience!

@CountTo10 oh yes I definitely know that feeling

OP posts:
fioritura · 24/07/2023 12:03

I do this but I’m unable to answer your question as I have absolutely no idea why I do this. At least it shows I’m fully listening!

CountTo10 · 24/07/2023 12:04

Actually what is more frustrating is when someone anticipates what you’re going to say and gets it wrong (my ex)! You then have to say, ‘If you let me finish what I was saying…..’

I think some people don’t realise they’re doing it because if they did would they do it?

Swashbuckled · 24/07/2023 12:04

I used to work with somebody who did this; very irritating. She would also often say what she thought the next word from me was going to be (a sort of reverse anticipatory repeating). She was invariably wrong. Not listening at all, in my view; just listening to her own thoughts.

Bonkers.

fioritura · 24/07/2023 12:05

Do you talk quite slowly or take a while to get to the point? I’ve recognised I’ve done it in the past when the conversation is happening quicker in my head than in reality and my brain it trying to match them up.

TheWayTheLightFalls · 24/07/2023 12:30

I tend towards this, so I try to consciously keep my tongue between my lips now when someone else is talking. Sometimes it's to do with not knowing the other person's speech rhythms too, so I don't know if the person is just thinking/searching for a word, or finished. Anyway - I know it's very annoying and try to minimise it!

throwbacko2 · 24/07/2023 12:32

I do it but I am autistic so there is an element of echolalia but I also have ADHD and get bored so fast so if it takes a while to get to the point you may find me repeating it to make sure I have taken it in. Im a poor communicator and am fully aware of that.

passthesugar · 24/07/2023 17:12

I hadn't considered that the way I speak might be a contributing factor, but it's entirely plausible. I don't think I ramble, but I do have a non-British accent and a relatively quiet voice so yeah, maybe that doesn't help!

OP posts:
LaMaG · 24/07/2023 17:21

My friend does this, repeats the last few words of the sentence I've just said. My cousin is similar but she kind of joins in with you if it's a phase or predictable sentence, sometimes she just gets the last syllable in. It's strange but I think it's kind of endearing. And it means they are listening as well as they can and not just tolerating you while they wait to jump in with their more important contribution, I know a few of those too!!

LaMaG · 24/07/2023 17:25

The male / female theory is interesting @Appleofmyeye2023

Mummysalwaysright · 24/07/2023 17:29

It's called echolalia.

It's really annoying - especially when people finish ones sentence with the wrong word which then gets confusing. It does not show they are listening - they are racing ahead and drawing incorrect conclusions.

I just add it to the pile of really poor social skills I seem to encounter at work.

Isyesterdaytomorrowtoday · 24/07/2023 17:31

I do it, especially with people who speak slowly or in a v convoluted way. I really try not too but I have ADHD which makes it v difficult

Allthegoodusernamesareused · 24/07/2023 17:36

My MIL constantly finishes my sentences.. or tries to. She often gets it wrong, then responds to what she said rather than what I said. Drives me crazy!

HelpMeGetThrough · 24/07/2023 17:39

If I'm talking to someone who does that, I just say "no, that's not what I was going to say" and hope they then shut up and let me finish.

Bloke in a consultancy session I was running kept doing this on Friday. Really grips me!

BumWhisperers · 24/07/2023 17:48

It can be a sign of adhd if theyre guessing the end of your sentence. I do it sometimes but have become a lot more aware of it and am trying to stop myself. I find myself a lot more likely to do it when someone speaks slowly or seems hesitant/looking for their next word. Or if Im really close to them and I know how theyre going to finish their sentence

Appleofmyeye2023 · 24/07/2023 19:29

Mummysalwaysright · 24/07/2023 17:29

It's called echolalia.

It's really annoying - especially when people finish ones sentence with the wrong word which then gets confusing. It does not show they are listening - they are racing ahead and drawing incorrect conclusions.

I just add it to the pile of really poor social skills I seem to encounter at work.

This is bollocks. what I do is definitely not echolalia which is defined as a psychiatric condition where

  1. meaningless repetition of words just spoken by another person, occurring as a symptom of mental conditions.
  2. repetition of speech by a child learning to talk.
this is not what I’m doing, as per my response above it is neither meaningless, I am listening, I am actually very tuned into what the person is saying. see above for why I do it, am very aware it is bad and have worked hard to stop it. But hey crack on giving an armchair psychiatric diagnosis- I expect you’re the of person who also labels every other human as narcissistic. We all have our faults, we are none of us perfect. I’ve owned up to my annoying habit- what’s yours?
Begonne · 24/07/2023 20:25

I struggle not to do this if I’m talking to a neurotypical person - it’s an adhd symptom, although I find that some of my friends with autism and adhd take it as a sign of enthusiastic connection and reciprocate similarly.

DH took a dislike to one of my friends who he saw as “constantly interrupting and cutting you off” and it took me a while to figure out what he was on about. We have brilliant, fast, rapid fire exchanges (she’s AuDHD) and absolutely get each other.

There’s some research that groups neurodiverse people communicate as effectively as neurotypicals, but when you mix the two groups, communication difficulties ensue.

LaMaG · 24/07/2023 20:34

I would see these as 2 very different things - repeating the end of a sentence after the speaker is very different from interrupting and changing the speakers sentence. 1st is just a habit and possibly ADHD as PP say, 2nd scenario is just bad manners and another way of interrupting and acting superior.

LaMaG · 24/07/2023 20:36

Begonne · 24/07/2023 20:25

I struggle not to do this if I’m talking to a neurotypical person - it’s an adhd symptom, although I find that some of my friends with autism and adhd take it as a sign of enthusiastic connection and reciprocate similarly.

DH took a dislike to one of my friends who he saw as “constantly interrupting and cutting you off” and it took me a while to figure out what he was on about. We have brilliant, fast, rapid fire exchanges (she’s AuDHD) and absolutely get each other.

There’s some research that groups neurodiverse people communicate as effectively as neurotypicals, but when you mix the two groups, communication difficulties ensue.

But doesn't it annoy you if they cut you off? I couldn't imagine not being annoyed by this.

dogsweetdog · 24/07/2023 21:35

It's seriously annoying isn't it....

I know someone who does it, her mouth is moving along with mine when I'm trying to get my words out and it's really off putting!

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 24/07/2023 21:54

It's really annoying. I can kind of live with it as sometimes I do 'round the houses' whilst explaining something but even on normal chat I've encountered women doing this. DH has a stammer and he will say what he is saying whenever anyone tries to finish his sentences. That's a definite no no for him!