DD9 (potential) Sensory Issues

[Fillyfrog]

DD has just turned 9 and has always been 'funny' about certain things... Really fussy with socks, tights, shoes and the feel of them and they have to be just right, have to be soft, had lots of crying tantrums in the past about these.

She hates loud noises and although in the past she's tolerated them, but she seems to be getting worse. She refused to go to the cinema last weekend (we've been loads of times, usually she puts her hands over her ears for the first ten mins or so and then she's okay) because of the noise and she usually loves it. We're going on holiday next week to a caravan park and she's had multiple crying sessions recently asking if we're going to the entertainment at night, it can be quite loud, but she's been fine in the past, even been up on the dance floor joining in. She's very worried about it.

She's VERY fussy with food, mostly around texture, and if something doesn't look 'quite right' for example a piece of toast with butter on that had a tiny crumb in the butter, she can't handle it, she'd rather go hungry then eat it.

And finally if she's wet from the shower or swimming, or her hair touching her clothes, it causes absolute drama, we went swimming yesterday and was crying and practically sobbing because she felt damp and not quite dry, I forgot to bring her specific hair towel and she cried all the way home 😔

I don't know what to do about it, I'm worried its getting worse as she gets older, I don't know how to reassure her. Or if its worth a trip to the GP, but I don't know what they could do?! Any help appreciated.

My daughter is nine and all her sensory issues are becoming worse (she's being assessed for autism too).
Things like cinemas or holiday club evenings she now finally admits she needs to wear ear defenders.
She won't use public restrooms because of Hand dryers even withers defenders so it definitely challenging.
A trip to the doctors or even ask her school sendco to refer to occupational therapy would be what I advise ( they are working tirelessly with my daughter)

Thanks for your reply. Do you have examples what kind of things occupational therapy might do?

I really do not think she has autism, obviously I may be wrong but she doesn't 'fit' any of the symptoms or behaviours I've read about online. She has no real problems at school. One of the school mums was talking the other day how she's pushing to have her daughter referred to something because of sensory issues, she talked about all her symptoms, and it made me realise how my daughter is the same but actually much worse 🙈 it's always been manageable but it seems to be getting worse.

I read about the use of ear defenders online, as she has asked before if she can wear her normal headphones to the cinema. But I read it can make things worse, as its teaching her that the sounds are something to be scared of (this was on an NHS site) and it's actually better to try and beat the anxiety. But I don't know how 🤷🏼‍♀️

Hello OP. My DD is also 9 and very similar.

She's a highly sensitive child in a very noisy world! We've had ear defenders since she was maybe 4 and she wears them to every cinema trip and I keep them on my bag on days out in case places are unexpectedly noisy.

They are life changing and mean we can experience things easily and DD is comfortable:

We have no issues with clothes but very picky around food and anything wet on a plate.

A kids counselor recently recommended visiting and OT so we might book in an appointment.

I highly recommend a book called The Highly Sensitive child. It really helped me to understand DD and help her to navigate life. I've accepted that this is who she is and am trying to make it easier for her.

Thank you Ill have a look at the book. 😊

Hopeful bump for any other experiences

My dd sounds exactly the same as yours. She's being referred for autism assessment at the agreement of her school. I'd never noticed a lot of traits in her until I started researching it properly. She's a very sociable and popular girl with lots of friends, but autism presents very differently in girls than boys. The most obvious traits she has are the sensory issues.

I'd recommend reading up about autism in girls and see what you think. It's very common that they get to secondary school and struggle as they have flown under the radar at primary. Good luck!

I would say properly investigate a potential autism diagnosis girls present very differently.
Some Loop headphones might be good, they help to turn down external noise but still allow people to hear stuff. Lots of friends with sensory issues swear by them. They are in ear so very discreet.

Another one echoing that it may well be autism. DC2 always had sensory issues, but I put it down to their severe visual impairment.
They weren't keen on having more than a very small group of face to face friends.
I didn't begin to question it until they were around mid-teens. When we got round to it and had a chat, DC was certain that they have autism. During the conversation I found out that they have a fascination with bridges!

So it is not likely to be 'just' sensory issues then? Are they always a sign of autism? Im open to the idea I just don't find her to match any of the symptoms, after extensive googling!

The only other thing I've noticed is she has had a lot of friendship issues this year and been in trouble a little bit at school. Always over things that have happened in the playground. Never had these issues before. It's mostly centred around wanting to play with one girl who's always been her best friend, and she couldn't really seem to handle it when this girl wanted to play with other children. But I thought it was normal, especially after speaking to other school mums.

My DD is 7 but we have very difficult spells of sensory linked behaviour. We've had holidays ruined by very big reactions about noises or different food/drink etc. You post definitely resonated with me. She once went 2 days without drinks because something "wasn't right " with the options she had available.

The GP has mentioned whether we should consider an autism diagnosis but the first step in our case was to try and distinguish between autism and anxiety as there can be an overlap in presentation.

In our case the symptoms come and go and it's actually more anxiety driven. We now have many more good spells than bad and We can go a long time without any symptoms and they are changing with age. However if she's tired or worried about something, all the sensory stuff can come back up.

We had 1:1 coaching from our child NHS mental health team in managing anxiety which was really helpful. I also realised I was feeding some of the anxiety by anticipating when we would have a problem.

Having said that I've also spent lots of time talking to Dd about if you feel xxx what would a solution be so we aren't having to do it in the moment. Little things have really helped, eg new foods cause big reactions but I don't offer these unexpectedly and we have a mantra centred around not being too pressured, eg you don't have to eat it and I will make sure you end dinner not hungry.

Issues with friendships at school are the thing which flagged it up with my dd's teacher too. It's almost as if there were lots of puzzle pieces which individually aren't a concern but when you look at them as a whole, it all makes sense. My dd is 9 too, just finished year 4.

My dd is highly sensitive and we have realised she can often misinterpret social cues/situations, so often thinks people are mad at her/friends don't like her when there's not actually a problem, which causes problems for her at school.

Clothing issues are not always autism related, Sensory Processing Disorder can be a stand-alone issue. But it is very common in autistic children.

In our house DD1 (aged 10) is funny with seams in socks and will only wear leggings and the occasional skirt or dress, won’t try jeans. She’s always been a very sociable child, loved school and didn’t have any issues until year 4 when she developed terrible anxiety out of nowhere. We ended up seeking an autism assessment as the school SENCO said she wouldn’t rule it out. One of her observations was (minor) friendship issues in the playground although to me they sounded very much like other girls in her class we know! As part of the assessment process the speech and language therapist made some very interesting observations which I had never noticed. Anxiety aside, the signs were very subtle. I’d been reading the highly sensitive child prior to diagnosis but lots of that book didn’t ring true in our case.

DD2 (aged7) is REALLY sensitive with clothes. I think she is most likely neurotypical but is way more sensitive to clothes and shoes than DD1. She also has very sensitive taste buds and hearing so I think her ‘touch’ senses are aldo very sensitive hence clothes being difficult to wear/tolerate, especially if she is hot or tired.

Autism assessment waiting lists are about 2 years in our area so worth asking for a referral to get into the system if it’s a possibility. Things can change very quickly in our experience at school as they get older.

DD1 started using ear defenders last year which are really helpful.

P.s. Our go to socks are bamboo no seams from the Sock Shop online. £1 a pair if you buy multiple pairs and last about a year.

These are our socks of choice too. Dd loves them!

The presentation is of autism in girls is often very different. Social issues / friendship are one of the key difficulties. Girls tend to be better at masking and finding ways to cope. As they approach puberty and there are physical and hormonal changes sensory systems often start to struggle a little.
Re: ear defenders I would definitely use them. They should be used as an aid.
Hope that helps.

About the ear defenders/ noise thing… is the anxiety because noise is painful to her? If so, of course she is anxious about facing it. Giving her a tool to manage the potentially uncomfortable situations may make her less anxious. If she is less anxious she may manage situations better.

another vote from me for autism assessment- sounds like she is a bright kid who has learnt to cope- she seems to have a particular friend, and this is how she manages. As girls in particular get to the top of primary there are increasingly complex relationships, and it sounds like she is struggling to work this out.

https://autismunderstood.co.uk/
is a lovely resource!