Judged for relationship

[JustWant2BHappy]

I have been single for a number of years, but somehow met someone recently. We met in a local mental health support group.
He has Asperger's (and I use that term as that is how he prefers it. I know times and terms have moved on). I have my own issues (possibly ND too).
We get along well, and love each other's company. All is fine there.
Except.... we are a bit loved up so like to hold hands in public, or sit close on a bench. A few times now, we have had comments aimed at us from total strangers, such as "that is gross", " that is wrong". Lots of looks too. From all sorts of people... teens to adults.
I will admit, it is upsetting me a lot. There is an age gap (less than 10 years, and we are 40s/50s.

He is resilient to such comments. I am not. He can shrug it off. I can't.

I really like him, and I should not let total strangers get in the way of that, but I just don't get how anyone thinks it appropriate to comment in earshot about some one else's relationship.

I wanted to vent here. I have no one else to talk to about this.

I wasn't sure where to post this as it could be in a number of topics, so Chat it is!

Sorry that your joy is being rained on by rude strangers. Their is no reason in the world why anyone should make judgemental comments at a couple sitting on a bench together. To start developing resistance to it, try telling yourself "I feel sad that some people are so miserable that they cannot cope with seeing other people's happiness, and angry that they take that out on me." So you're acknowledging your feelings whole also creating an attitude that the problem is them, not you. Good luck!

There, not their! Damn autocorrect.

Joking comments or 'banter' perhaps, but not the ones you have received.

Where do you live that people comment o. you holding hands and sitting together on a bench? That seems entirely normal for you to do. Ignore.

It does seem odd that anyone would comment unless there’s something else involved that’s somehow irresistibly comment-worthy.

What do you think they're commenting on? The age gap?

I’m very confused by this, holding hands and sitting close together is common place. Many many couples do it. So it must be something else they think is wrong or gross?

I’m sorry you are both experiencing this, how unpleasant. The older I get the less I understand our society; manners and courtesy cost nothing.
There is twenty years between my DP and I, horrible people in his village gossiped about us terribly when we first got together. These were people who’d known him decades!
We aren’t overly affectionate in public but will do as you do - sit close on benches, hold hands, kiss sometimes just because we love each other and are happy. If someone was to behave unpleasantly I’d definitely take the line in my head - it’s sad they haven’t had simple joy in their lives, we are so blessed. Also I’d think to myself Fuck You! But I really do hate rudeness.
Enjoy your relationship, may you have it for a long time.

Is there anything about either of you that people could pick up on and make assumptions about? It just seems strange that people would make comments about two adults in a relationship that’s all.

Is his autism obvious? I only ask as many people can be ignorant and cruel and if his ND is very obvious they might assume you’re taking advantage in some way.

Does the age gap look bigger than it is with one of you looking a lot older or younger than the other?

Can you sometimes be overly affectionate in public and you’re not realising?

Hi @JustWant2BHappy it's so lovely to hear how two people have connected and are in love.
I wouldn't dream of commenting on a couple. I think it's beautiful to see a happy couple. Over the years i have had stupid comments like 'can i get hug'.
I know it's so hard but be confident in your couple and ignore the comments xx

Stuff em. My ex and I held hands in our 50s. He wasn't used to it. I love holding hands.a passing driver once shouted 'get a room' when I was snogging his face off. Happy days. Don't let them.steal ur joy.

Unless there is something that is completely wrong with ur relationship that ur not telling us they are weird.

I love holding my husbands hand while walking. Have a quick smooch. Etc etc have even given him a quick bum squeeze . I also love seeing other people being romantic while out as well. Makes me happy they are happy. So I would ignore them. Probably jealous to be honest.

Thanks for the comments. I think I need to develop a thick skin.

@JudgeRinderonTinder I am not sure how anyone could pick up on his autism just by simply walking past and giving us a glance. He is well educated, has a good full time job, has no support needs etc. It is me that functions less.

He is early 50s, bald head and beer gut... like a lot of guys. I am heavier than him, but get told I look late 20s/early 30s... so maybe some people do think the age gap is larger than it is, so that is what they are commenting on.

How lovely that you've met someone.

Your behaviour doesn't sound at all inappropriate.

Is it very young people saying this who perhaps think no one over 30 has a pulse?