Calling all teachers ....

[GoGoDancer]

Calling all teachers, especially early years, do you have a favourite child in your class?

Do teachers really have favourites or is it a myth?

If so, what makes a favourite child?

I'm a swimming teacher and yes we do have children we really like and also children we dislike. We are only human. Often the favourite children tend to be the ones who are polite and well mannered and listen. The ones we dislike tend to have a bad attitude, rude or mean to other kids.

In my day & children’s day, the extremely good looking, charismatic, advanced, sporty kids were pedestalised.

It’s not human nature to like all personalities equally. Just as adults don’t like all of their colleagues the same. As long as
children are all treated equally and fairly that’s all that matters.

I worked at Secondary, not necessarily favourites but I tended to have a soft spot for the 'waifs and strays' those that didn't quite fit in, had trauma but still tried hard and were kind, a girl in my form remains memorable, her behaviour could be very challenging but she had survived through such an awful early childhood and had such a lovely side when she lowered her guard and we built a really positive relationship over the years.

Some children make your life easy and are a genuine pleasure to be around and I experienced many of those who were just lovely.

Others are horrible, and whilst that often comes from home it's hard to remember that when they are being rude, swearing at you, squaring up to you, I had several students that sexually harrased me and a couple who threatened to rape me... So no they weren't my favourites although I tried my hardest to turn the other cheek and start each lesson with a clean slate but it's difficult.

I think disliking a student is really really really rare. The ones who are rude or mean are often that way for a reason beyond their control: mental health issues or neurodivergence, poor upbringing, trauma, etc. Yes they make me want to tear my hair out but I don’t dislike them, in fact I find myself giving them a bit more love!

I’ve only had one I can think of in my whole time teaching I disliked, and even that doesn’t feel the right word for it. It was like he was devoid of empathy and seemed to not understand right from wrong at all, to quite a scary level. I worry about how he grew up.

Sadly I see evidence of this at my school and my children's school.

I am the complete opposite. children who work hard every day when they find things hard, children who overcome adversities. These are the children I try and champion as often they are overlooked.

I’m a teacher (now SEN school but before that was in mainstream early years) and whilst I don’t think I have let it obviously show in the classroom I have had many favourite children across the years, usually it’s not anything specific but just because I happen to ‘click’ with that child. Often for me my favourites end up being the ones who other might see as ‘challenging’ so the ones with challenging behaviour or SEN and who need a lot of extra input and support to get things right and who challenge my thinking and approaches and force me to adapt and try new things to give them the best learning experience and make progress. Although that isn’t always the case and I have also had favourites who were easygoing. It’s usually a combination of things, the child’s sense of humour, the way they approach learning, their curiosity, how they problem solve, how easily I can get them to engage, how they persevere when things are hard, how they interpret the world etc.

Children are just people and just like in a group of adults there will usually be 1 or 2 you are more drawn to it’s the same in a class of children and the exact reason why won’t always be the same or something you can pinpoint. It’s certainly nothing to do with parents, intelligence or looks for me.

I'm early years and definitely have my favourites but we are very careful to not display this too much. I don't honestly think I've ever disliked a child that age, you might dislike being stuck in a room with them and dislike their behaviour but it's hard to not recognise the vulnerability of a 3 / 4yr old and see they need support not criticism. Where I work we talk quite openly about who we like etc and it tends to fall into a pattern where staff work more closely with those they are drawn to and it tends to follow that the children attach to those adults.

I think the pairing of staff is really important, I had a good mix this year. Personally I'm drawn to the more articulate ones which are often the more attention seekers too but my colleague loves working with the quieter types who like to play alone. Another colleague is drawn most to the dreamy types, there are a few in each class who are last to do everything and never notice when their name is called! This actually annoys me a lot if I'm honest but my colleague has endless patience with them and sees a lot of herself in them.

Of course you prefer some over others. That's human nature

In my experience, teachers don’t really have obvious favourites in the same way as a lot of posters seem to think they do. I have liked almost all the children that I have taught. I do have a bit of a soft spot for the quiet, middle of the road children. Generally the ones who get the awards/prizes are the ones who work really hard or the ones who have scored the highest in assessments, depending on the criteria for the award. Some teachers don’t seem to like children very much and they prefer the ones who don’t give them any bother. Most of them don’t stay in teaching for very long.

Yes. We do have favourite children. No good teacher will ever let that change how they treat the children though. But yes, there are children we will not miss when they move on and children that we will. There are some children that we will miss but we’re more glad that their parents aren’t our problem any more too.

'A favourite child in every class' ? Not even a myth - something you have completely made up. Not something I've ever even heard suggested before on even the wilder MN threads.

If you are asking if we come across children sometimes that you have a soft spot for ? - yes (in my case, nearly always the ones who have had some difficulty being in school during the year, and that you've worked harder with)
If you are saying are there sometimes children that make you smile readily ? - yes
If you are asking if there are some that are easier to work with ? - yes

Teachers are human, and sometimes (more as the dc get older) there are some that some teachers 'click' with more than others, but it isn't the same dc for the same teachers. Some dc that are thought of fondly by one member of staff just annoy / wind up another member of staff.

I think it’s like anything. You just like some people more than others. I was talking to a colleague and she was talking about a few children that she hasn’t warmed too and funnily they were ones I particularly liked.
I do find if you have a really annoying or unpleasant parent it’s difficult to not let that influence how you feel about a child.
a memorable family had horrifically racist parents and for a year I couldn’t stand being round the children as they made such awful remarks but as they got older I think they realised that their parents views didn’t have to be theirs and the younger one in particular would be so upset by their parents behaviour.

I taught secondary for 23 years and I did prefer some children to others but all were treated the same. I still see a few of the kids I taught and now I see them with kids of their own. When I go shopping in town where I taught an ex student often comes up and says hello and the Xmas before last I was struggling to get my Xmas tree on top of my car and secure it and an ex student came over and offered to help he said I don't expect you remember me miss. I looked at him and recognised him but could not recall his name, but I recalled he was always playing football in the playground when the bell had gone and he should be in registration and I recalled the exam grades he got. He laughed and was quite surprised I remembered him because I had taught him about 14 years ago. He tied my Xmas tree on top of my car securely and showed me his little baby too.

What an interesting question. I teach KS1 (infants in old money), so really, it’s hard to have a favourite because they are all cute/ needy/ gorgeous/ heedless.

I would hope I treat them all the same. What is interesting is how when their old teacher does a handover, there can be a ‘oh X is gorgeous, lovely child, bees knees’. And at the end of the year I think ‘sure, they’re fine but what about Y?’

As PP said, we are all human and certain personalities are going to click more than others, of course. But it’s what you do with that.

My own 3 children were very shy, very quiet, well behaved; parents evening feedback was always ‘needs to put hand up more’ (will never and have never said that to a parent). So I have an affinity for those children. And sometimes I have a soft spot for the trickiest ones. And sometimes no particular ‘favourite’ at all.

As I tell my own 3 children: I have no favourites, you are all equally annoying. ;-)