Is anyone awake?

[moonbeamsandstarlight]

Could do with a handhold and some chat to get me through the night.

Currently with a critically ill relative in hospital 😔

Sending hugs op, I’ve been there twice now and It’s really hard, you just being there shows how much you care. If you do think she may be in distress don’t be afraid to press the call button and get them back in, they can normally top up pain meds as and when if they need to, I had to do that with my dad, as he was up and down in obvious distress at times.

when you say she’s critically ill was it a sudden illness or has she been declining for a while? Totally understandable if you don’t want to talk about it.

I’m awake too. I’m an NHS nurse who specialises in palliative care and Medicine of the elderly.
I am also an expert in cheerful fluff chat- feel free to pm about either.
We’re with you, @moonbeamsandstarlight, fortitude for you and comfort to you loved one xx

I am not particularly good at this sort of thing, but I can tell you that I along with my siblings and our partners sat with my Mother, I had to dash from the UK (longest trip of my life) but I got there with two hours to spare.

She knew we were there, the doctor came in to explain what they were doing and that her sats would start to drop, and then she would just slip away, as he did so, knocked a machine onto my head. He was mortified, I (having had poor health for the last ten years) laughed and said you will have to do better than that to take me out, my BIL started laughing and then we all started laughing (black humour) and then we watched as her sats climbed back up for a while.

So that is a long way of saying talk to her, tell her you love, remember funny times.

Sending love, you will get through this.

It’s been sudden. She had a right sided stroke in her sleep on Tuesday evening. Unfortunately we didn’t realise until over 18 hours later when she didn’t turn up to a prearranged hair appointment (she never missed an appointment to get her hair done!) and by then she wasn’t able to have any of the usual treatments they would give.

I feel horribly guilty for not checking in on her sooner

She sounds like a wonderful woman @moonbeamsandstarlight

When DS was born he wore one of those knitted hats and it's the thing I treasure most about that time.

Sending warm thoughts ♥️

@moonbeamsandstarlight best wishes. Hope you accept a cup of tea next time it's offered. Do it for her!

One good thing about MN is that there's generally someone around to chat to 🤗

I think when it’s sudden it can be harder to deal with as you don’t have any time to get used to the idea, bless you for being there with her, you’re doing her an incredible kindness just being there, I know it’s easier said then done but try not to feel guilty, it wasn’t even a full day and you couldn’t possibly have known. I’d like to think she knows you’re there and wouldn’t want you to feel that way.

have you got someone who can bring things in for you if you need anything? Are you planning on staying with her?

Your relative will be able to hear you. Hearing is supposed to be the last sense to go. You can let the nurse bring you tea and a bus unit and you might feel like sipping the hot tea or just holding it for comfort. You might want the bus unit later. Hold her hand and talk to her. It sometimes takes a long time to slip away even on the end of life care. My Aunt took over 3 weeks with no food, only a damp sponge around her mouth and pain relief. She slept more and more though. I held her hand and told her I was there for her and she smiled even when her eyes were closed.

@moonbeamsandstarlight

I shouldn't be, but I am.

I'm so sorry to hear about your relative.

its horrible just sitting & waiting. Thinking,worrying.

xx

I am sorry. Hold your loved one's hand, and talk to her. She may not understand the words, but she will feel bathed in your love. I wish you strength.

Here hug

I’m here. Awoke in the middle of the night. Please don’t blame yourself for not checking on her. She must know how much she is loved.

Virtual hand hold from me too.

Virtual hug

Gosh I didn’t realise end of life care could be for weeks, I was assuming it would be days at the most. I don’t want to leave her alone but I certainly couldn’t stay with her 24/7 for weeks!

She had a settled few hours following the last lot of medication so I managed to get a little bit of rest on the worlds most uncomfortable hospital chair! The Nurses have just been in to give her some more medication as she’s been a bit more agitated the last 15 minutes or so so hopefully that settles her again for another few hours

That must be so worrying for you. Is it your mum? I hope she's having a peaceful night now. I agree with the previous poster about accepting a cup of tea just to have something warm to hold.

I’ve been there with my grandad and Dad, so I understand. Do try and eat and drink. End of life care can be very drawn out and distressing and you may need a lot of energy to see you through. The sun’s coming up; I wish you well today 💐

What a lovely lady your relative is to knit for premature babies. My DS was 7 weeks premature and I was so touched by the little hats and cardigans that the nurses brought out of the cupboard for him, all made and donated by people like your kind relative.

Virtual hand hold and an unmumsnetty hug from me Xxx

I just wanted to pop back on this thread to say that my relative passed away peacefully in the early hours of this morning.

Thank you all for the support and kind messages- they got me through that awful first night

Oh @moonbeamsandstarlight how dreadfully sad, I'm so very sorry to hear this. How are you feeling? I know that might sound a silly question. Sending big hugs to you, we're here if you'd like to talk 💐to you and your relative x