I cried at work today

[vipersnest1]

It's a brain-dump, sorry, so it's long.
It's been a rough time.
Nearly two years ago, I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and ended up having eight months off work, trying to get back some stamina and energy to return to my job (I'm a teacher). I had an awful time, especially with the OH doctor who wouldn't accept my diagnosis and basically told me I'd made myself unfit. It was a huge battle to get myself fit enough to return to work and to make OH accept the diagnosis (I rejected four reports before it was sorted out.) I've been left with some neurological symptoms and have also been put on a waiting list for painkilling injections in my lower back (separate issue which I'm pleased has finally been acknowledged).

My Mum died in January after a very protracted battle with emphysema. I'm the only child in the country so all of the hospital appointments, worrying and running around have been down to me for the last seven years since my Dad died.

I've had breast pain for the last couple of months, alongside it feeling more nodular than the other. I eventually self-funded (yes, I know I'm lucky to have some rainy day money to pay for it) and got seen on Wednesday, had mammograms and ultrasound and it's all clear - dense breasts, 'normal' breast pain plus tender ribs due to fibromyalgia. (I eventually got a call about an NHS appointment today, 22 days after my referral) which I declined of course.

At we had our usual end of term events, with the head making a speech about how hard we all have worked etc.
It brought me to tears because I had such an awful time when I was off sick (HR suggested I should consider medical retirement) that I was determined that, no matter what, I wouldn't have any time off for fibro for at least a year.
It's taken a huge amount of determination to get to this point and I suddenly realised I'd done it, and that I'd done it despite losing my Mum, who I spoke to every night and was the one I could chat on to about anything and everything.

I'm not quite sure what I'm looking for in making this thread, maybe just getting it out there. But, if you've had a rough year, maybe you'd like to add your experience.

Oh bless you
You've had an horrendous year and I'm awed by your strength and determination
The least you deserve is a cry!

🍷to you

Sometimes it's good to get it all out. It's a bit like you realise just what you've accomplished. Enjoy the summer break!

I cried at work, recently. And it was about something so insignificant that I'm embarrassed and ashamed to even admit it. Full on sobs. On reflection I was probably suffering a mental health episode but still didn't warrant the tears.

I'm in awe of the strength, resilience and perseverance you've shown during a time which sounds like one of the worst you've encountered.
You should be proud of all you have and continue to endure.

I'm disgusted you've been treated like this. Fibro is one of my conditions and its debilitating for me. Whether or not that's because i have other conditions is hard for me to say.

I have no words. I'm so sorry.

Some of what you have just said resonates. We as a family have had a really really tough time since 2020. Each one of us has had health issues due to a traumatic incident, this in turn led to a sequence of events that were quite frankly horrific. I cannot divulge as I am not just talking about myself but also my adult children. However, here we all are. And here you are, in spite of everything. I feel your pain and also would give you a massive hug to let you know how much you matter.Your Mum would be so happy knowing you've pushed through. Keep going but meanwhile give yourself a massive smile in the mirror and remind yourself just how strong you really are. Crying a little with emotion means you're alive and kicking....

@FedUpMumof10YO, if that's what happened, it needed to happen, for whatever reason. 
@ImGonnaHaveToTurnMyBackOnYou, as much as work says they will make adjustments, IME (previous to this), they don't because they say they can't.
@Laloca2000, it sounds like you've had more than enough to deal with (hugs).
Thank you to @Tilllly and @Sunnysidegold for your thoughts. I'm going on holiday on Tuesday, and with the boob worry out of the way, I can finally look forward to it!

As a fellow teacher, WELL DONE! It's bloody hard at the best of times but I can't even imagine the strength it's taken you to battle through all you've been through whilst being back at work.

Work are being unreasonable, Fibromyalgia comes under disabilities, are you in the union? If you are, I would speak to your union rep, they should be making reasonable adjustments to enable you to manage at work, this could be things like making sure the timetable allows you to stay in one classroom as much as possible to avoid carrying equipment etc between lessons, a chair that is measured & designed to support you & help you sit properly, adequate breaks, disabled parking etc. I know because I got allowances made for me when I was working.

Oh my lovely!!! What a terrible time you have had truly.

I am so so sorry for the loss of your mum x. And then your illness and work. I am not surprised you cried today!!

thinking of you @vipersnest1

Thank you all for your lovely posts.
@Nat6999, I haven't asked for anything - I've already made adjustments for myself prior to my diagnosis, so special cushion on my chair at work, keeping a TENS machine there. And whilst I've got no cartilage left behind one kneecap die to arthritis, there's no way I will give up my room (up a flight of stairs) as it's so lovely.
The only adjustments I could ask for are to start later or finish earlier so I can go home and rest (I have to have a nanna nap when I get home) or miss registration, and those aren't going to happen realistically as I'm full time. I can't afford to reduce my hours.

What a year! You are doing an amazing job, your determination to overcome the boundaries that fibro creates is inspiring.

I cried at home….after work (teacher), because I didn’t want to let anyone else down despite the debilitating fibro/endo pain I was experiencing. Sometimes I just feel desperate, it’s tough! But it’s good to hear that I’m not alone even though it feels like it! So thank you for this post!

@FarmtractorJJ, I had endometriosis so I can empathise. I hope you can get some treatment that helps.

My brother died suddenly and unexpectedly in December. I was and still am completely heartbroken. We were very close and he was only 47 years old. He was my confidante amongst many other things. The emptiness is just deafening.
I had some time off work since he died. Basically all December and all January. In February I returned to work reluctantly and was offered another job.
I decided to go for it and I'm 100% sure u made the right decision.
I cry most days in work and no one knows I don't think or they are too polite to say anything.
Also my dog has been poorly recently and I'm terrified of losing him too and I'm in peri menopause, also car troubles.
Life just seems so hard.

I think you've done extremely well in your circumstances

Oh, @Carsarelife, that sounds very tough to deal with.
Maybe you should take some time off to re-group yourself?

@Carsarelife
Oh what an awful time, I'm sorry for your loss

You might find it helpful to write some thoughts down? Can you access some counselling?

@vipersnest1
You have a great holiday, get some rest and have some fun!

Thank you, @Tilllly!

@vipersnest1 well I thought the new job would take my mind off things as it's a busy job. I lone work for around 4 hours then I'm with colleagues for another 3-4 hours. We have a radio on in work and sometimes a song comes on that just triggers me. It catches me unaware and I just cry.

@Tilllly I could maybe access counselling. I've been trying (and failing) to see the G.P as I'm not sleeping well. And I know when I'm tired I'm more prone to crying too