This Guy On Facebook

[GoGoDancer]

There's this guy on Facebook, I know him from years ago. He went out with a friend of mine, very briefly.

He messages me quite often for chit chat. Very pleasant and never inappropriate but it's a bit annoying. I don't mind it every now and again but it's a bit much, everyday.

How can I get him to stop with appearing rude, nasty or horrible?

Just keep taking longer and longer to reply between each message.

Just don’t respond until you feel like responding. If that’s days or even weeks, that’s your prerogative. I leave people on read (even my mum sometimes; sorry mum) when I can’t be bothered all the time. Nothing bad happens. Friends accept it as the norm and learn to call if it’s more urgent. The people who get arsey about it disappear themselves from your life, which is a win-win.

I have done this. Sometimes I go quite a while. He'll then message again. Or if I change my profile pic he'll like it straight away then message.

Hi @GoGoDancer i would just take a week to respond, slowly he'll just stop sending you messages 👍

I'd block him. It doesn't sound like he can take a hint and why do you care if you seem rude to him, you're not his friend.

And when he messages again you don’t have to respond.

And why does it matter if he likes or comments on your profile pic? Just ignore.

It’s Facebook / online - one of the easiest places to phase someone out.

Just ignore.

A Cousin of mine who I'm not at all close to (couldn't tell you a thing about her really) sends 'how r u?' (I cannot stand txt speak!) every few months. I actually left the last one unread and it must have been 8 months ago!! We don't have anything in common, what's the point?!

Why are you worried about appearing rude?
A serious question. A random man is taking up head space.

I don't know. I guess it's because he's a nice guy I suppose. But it's like if I change my profile pic, he knows I'm online and he messages me so he knows I'm ignoring him. It makes me uncomfortable.

Ok. So think about why it makes you uncomfortable and ride it. You’re not a chat bot to keep him company. It’s ok to not respond.

Does it show up whether you’ve read the message or not? I don’t know whether leaving it unopened, or opened but not responded is the bigger hint.

But either way - don’t reply. If it makes you uncomfortable “sit with that feeling” and get asking yourself why.

Block him. You don't owe him a response or politeness.

OR is there a way to exclude him subtly from you Facebook page?

My FIL was just getting a bit OTT at interacting with my social media, so I think I was able to mark him as “acquaintance” and then make all my new posts shared with “friends except acquaintances”

The thing is, you’re not friends. At best, he’s a casual acquaintance. And we all know that it’s a bit odd to be messaging a casual acquaintance every single day. I’m sure if the bloke in his local shop began sending him general chit chatty messages via FB everyday, he’d think it was odd and want it to stop. But because you’re a woman, you’re supposed to accept it because he’s probably bored and lonely and he’s nice and you don’t want to appear rude? Sod that for a game of soldiers!

If he was that nice, he wouldn’t be pestering you every time he sees you on line. He wouldn’t be relying on you being too polite to delete and block and he’d be conscious that he was intruding on your time. If you aren’t up to blocking him, just stop replying to him. You don’t owe him your time just because he’s asked for it.

Block him or restrict him ( I'd definitely block) He doesn't sound like a nice man he sounds like a pest.
Ask yourself why you feel so responsible for the feelings of some random Facebook guy. Honestly just block and don't give it a second thought.

I was in the same situation a couple of years ago.

I didn't want to be rude and ignore him as he was clearly having trouble with depression and his wife (possibly or possibly not) leaving him, but I couldn't log on to Facebook without immediately getting a message from him. He was hoovering up all my online time, compulsively messaging until I replied.

I tried to explain I couldn't stay online chatting to him for hours but it made no difference. When he started inviting himself to my city to meet me for coffee, ignoring me when I said no, I snapped and blocked him.

He didn't know my address so, while I felt very guilty, I also felt very relieved. Perhaps going down the "acquaintance" route mentioned by PPs would have been kinder, but what's done is done.

Restrict him in messenger. He won't get good but you won't see his messages so won't be able to reply

In Facebook you can go into settings and toggle so it doesn't show you as active when you're online. I had to do this when a man was similarly pestering me.

Learn how to use the Mute button and archive the chat.

@Nagado has it. This guy is obviously looking for more than just chit chat. Ignore and stop replying, eventually he'll get the message.

How can I get him to stop with appearing rude, nasty or horrible?

Just don't answer. Answering is not being 'polite' Answering is showing interest. If you are not interested, don't show any interest.

If you get any attitude from him, block him. It really is that simple.

he knows I'm ignoring him. It makes me uncomfortable.

You are really making life difficult for yourself following social mores which are not relevant to the digital age.

Why do you continue to think you owe him attention. You really, really don't owe him anything. Don't allow him into your headspace like this.

I've done the not answering before. Left it a good few weeks. I'm happy to exchange messages once every two or three weeks, but when I haven't replied I get asked where I've been and what I've been up to.

I also don't like the notifications in my inbox showing I have an unread message.

@InterSelecta I can also identify with the over familiarity and the appearing close. That's one of the things that makes me most uncomfortable. I've only met him about 3 times and that was years and years ago.