3 year old hysterical at nursery drop-off

[TiredMama83]

My 3yo has been absolutely sobbing and clinging at nursery recently. He's always been reluctant to go in but since our holiday and going back into the routine he's been hysterical. He will weld his fingers to me and cling on so tight crying "stay with me" and I just can't leave him like that. One of the carers is quite strict and tries to prise him away physically but I feel like I want to get him calmer before I leave. He is a good verbal communicator.

He has a favourite key carer who is good at encouraging him in and making him smile but she is often not in at drop-off time. When he sees she's not there my heart sinks as I know he's going to not want to go in.

He keeps saying he just wants to play at home all day. I obviously feel so sad in my heart and am struggling to concentrate on my work.

Has anyone experienced this with their older preschooler and do you have any tips or advice?

My dd was the same for ages - in fact it was so bad that she went through a phase of scratching her ear in distress till it bled...

Our nursery staff are all fab and their way of greeting each kid at drop off was a quick hug, holding hands, leading them to an activity. But my dd didn't want this, didn't want to be touched when upset except by me or dh. So genius nursery worker made up a "good morning [dd name]" song that everyone sang loudly when dd came in the door each morning. Literally the staff and kids would look up from what they were doing and start singing it! She loved it! And even better, it kept their hands free haha. She would walk in and start doing a little dance while they sang her name. They only needed to keep it up for about a month and then she didn't mind going in any more.

So I think you need to speak to the staff in the room and come up with a creative solution like this. The managers won't have creative ideas like this, it'll be someone in the room.

My daughter did this at nursery. She'd cling to the door frame. The best thing you can do is carry him to one of the staff (preferably the strict one), prise him off you, hand him over, quick bye bye and walk away. You'll do him no favours pandering to it.

I frequently have to 'prise', as you put it, children away from their parents at the school breakfast club. Without exception, they are absolutely fine within minutes of coming inside and their parents leaving. With consistency and no unhelpful parental hanging around or clinging on, they do grow out of it.

I agree with @MrsMarieMopps unbeknownst to me these were the early signs of having dc having difficulty with transitions. And it continued well into R/Y1. Not all children grow out of it!

Aww you poor thingOP, my DS1 was exactly like this, it used to upset me so much, I would call playgroup when I got home to be told he’s fine. It was just the separation that he found hard. I stuck to it, hopeful it would make starting school easier for him, I have to say he was just the same throughout reception, but improved once he got into year 1. It will get easier

Holidays can really disrupt them. They get a week or two of undivided attention, no work distractions, lots of family time etc and then they have to re-adjust to nursery. It’s partly why I’ve tended to keep mine in even if her older sister is off from school when we’re not away x

There are children that find it really hard. You still see it among older children at the school gate. I’ve seen reception kids carried into school kicking and screaming who apparently play happily about 3 minutes later.

I feel you OP, I have the same and it is so so hard. I’ve had some really unsympathetic advice IRL but every child and parent is different and you feeling awful about it isn’t because you’re weak. Mine only started crying at drop off when they changed room so I do think a lot of it is about the staff and key person. I am hanging on for now and considering a change of provision.

look after yourself and give yourself a break

Maybe there is a reason he is unhappy there?

My DD hated going to her old preschool and it turned out some older boys liked to push her around. The staff never told me about this and she only told me after I'd taken her out. The staff always said she had had a great day.

She is at a new preschool now and runs in happily.