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Original poster

What's a nice thing I can do tonight for DH who's away and having a crappy time?

25 replies

GayPareeee · 19/07/2023 15:03

He's several 100 miles away clearing his dead dad's house which is horrific as he was mentally ill and a massive hoarder. He's staying tonight over at a cheap hotel (he's with his aunt today) then tomorrow registering the death and driving home.

It is desperately sad and I'm wanting to do a little something to cheer him up tonight whilst he's all alone, obviously can do a call but any ideas? Can't even send him booze as he's got to drive tomorrow plus it's a Travelodge!

OP posts:
Gateappreciation · 19/07/2023 15:05

can you order some nice food via Deliceroo or Just Eat or Pizza etc

Allmarbleslost · 19/07/2023 15:15

Can you go to him?

Original poster
GayPareeee · 19/07/2023 15:19

No sadly as I'm home with the kids and builders and having to work

OP posts:
SqueakyDinosaur · 19/07/2023 15:22

A call tonight and maybe a favourite meal for when he's back? Video message from the kids, maybe telling him a joke or something?

It does sound really hard and distressing. Is he the type to want to talk it out, or more of a bottler-up?

ManAboutTown · 19/07/2023 15:26

If that were me here is what I would appreciate ....

Set a time for a video call.

Tell him to buy a nice bottle of wine and you do the same

Wear something nice and bedtimey. Not lingerie but a nice nightie etc

Turn the lights off or down - maybe a candle

A nice cosy hour long chat before bed with the promise of a nice night in when he gets home

justaweenamechange · 19/07/2023 15:29

Upgrade his hotel?

Original poster
GayPareeee · 19/07/2023 15:38

Sadly I don't think you can upgrade travelodge! There's no other hotels in the area he is in

@ManAboutTown I love your suggestion but I think he would worry there was another man if he saw me like that!

OP posts:
Caoilte · 19/07/2023 15:42

ManAboutTown · 19/07/2023 15:26

If that were me here is what I would appreciate ....

Set a time for a video call.

Tell him to buy a nice bottle of wine and you do the same

Wear something nice and bedtimey. Not lingerie but a nice nightie etc

Turn the lights off or down - maybe a candle

A nice cosy hour long chat before bed with the promise of a nice night in when he gets home

You’d want a candlelight sex call from your wife in a ‘nice nightie’ while you were clearing your recently-dead, mentally-ill father’s hoarding-filled house?

Backstreets · 19/07/2023 15:47

I’d text over a takeaway voucher, maybe research if there were any nice restaurants nearby he could order from depending on his preferences. He’ll probably appreciate the call the most though!

Original poster
GayPareeee · 19/07/2023 15:48

I'll sound him out about the food, but he may rather go out to eat than be alone in the hotel - it's a shame he's not booked somewhere with a spa/pool etc so he could at least relax a bit more but he didn't want to spend much money.

I don't mean to sound negative I'm just genuinely stuck for ideas

OP posts:
calmcoco · 19/07/2023 15:51

I think you're stuck for ideas because sometimes things just are shit? You can't do anything to cheer him up, it is what it is.

I'd have a call, tell DH he could call me anytime if he wakes up, listen properly, and ask him what he wanted to have for tea tomorrow when he's back.

Incognito2023 · 19/07/2023 15:56

Maybe send him a love poem? - lots online, either slushy & romantic, or offering support through this tough time just reassuring him. Or maybe something light-hearted & fun (video, GIF etc)

nonevernotever · 19/07/2023 15:56

calmcoco · 19/07/2023 15:51

I think you're stuck for ideas because sometimes things just are shit? You can't do anything to cheer him up, it is what it is.

I'd have a call, tell DH he could call me anytime if he wakes up, listen properly, and ask him what he wanted to have for tea tomorrow when he's back.

This!

FrancisSeaton · 19/07/2023 16:00

Lol yes all men just want a sexy nightie and girlie giggling whilst suffering a bereavement ffs

QwertyWitch · 19/07/2023 16:09

Give him a call and let him talk if he wants. Listen to him, let him know care about him and say you wish there was something you could do to make it easier.
Save the something nice for when he gets back.

GoldSilverBronzeTan · 19/07/2023 16:10

Could you book him a massage/spa day for when he’s back but tell him tonight?

ICanTuckMyBoobsInMyPockets · 19/07/2023 16:14

I know he's having a crappy time, but sometimes things are shit.

Let the next day ride itself out.

When he's home, do his favourite dinner, but without a big announcement or fanfare.

You can't make things better, his dad is dead and he's grieving.

fdgdfgdfgdfg · 19/07/2023 16:27

FrancisSeaton · 19/07/2023 16:00

Lol yes all men just want a sexy nightie and girlie giggling whilst suffering a bereavement ffs

To be fair, I did. For the first couple of weeks after my Mum died what I desperately wanted was to feel alive, and that one of the ways that manifested was in wanting to feel close to my partner. Not necessarily sex all the time, but hugs, lying in bed chatting while close etc.

Had I been miles away the above suggestion probably would have been the closest I could have gotten to that.

Original poster
GayPareeee · 19/07/2023 16:30

GoldSilverBronzeTan · 19/07/2023 16:10

Could you book him a massage/spa day for when he’s back but tell him tonight?

I've just emailed the beauty place round the corner to ask if they can fit him in when he's back before we go away - he's been there for stuff before so it's not weird.

He's declined by offer of a different hotel, says he's found a pub with decent looking food nearby and what he really wants is a shower, understandably.

OP posts:
CoachPiggyStardust · 19/07/2023 16:33

When I was In exactly the same position as your husband, my husband phoned me and listened to me rant about it for well over an hour. Then spent the rest if the evening sending me sweet and funny pictures, articles and video clips. You know the kind of thing with cats trying to jump onto stuff and failing and puppies being cute.
It really helped me feel less alone.

Original poster
GayPareeee · 19/07/2023 16:34

I'll see if I can dig out some old photos to send him (of us, kids, holidays, anything) and love the idea of a poem too - will see what I can find.

you're right though, I know it's shit and there's nothing he can do but he as no siblings and now no parents and that's awful and sad - and I'm just mindful that when he goes back to the hotel he'll be totally on his own and that will be painful. It was just a gesture to show that whilst I'm not physically with him he's not alone

OP posts:
AMuser · 19/07/2023 16:36

Caoilte · 19/07/2023 15:42

You’d want a candlelight sex call from your wife in a ‘nice nightie’ while you were clearing your recently-dead, mentally-ill father’s hoarding-filled house?

Show quote history

I’m sorry I snorted at this.

Rhythmisadancer · 19/07/2023 18:16

my phone creates vidoes made up of my old pics and sets them to shmalzy tunes, so whenever I want to get in DH's good books I send him one of those - could be of the kids, you and him, over the years at a favourite place - they're all winners!

Original poster
GayPareeee · 19/07/2023 18:48

Thank you those who suggested photos, my phone has just put a lovely video together which I've sent him. And spoke to him so he's feeling a bit better but hasn't yet had a shower (house was disgusting) so will speak again later when he's had his dinner.

OP posts:
Karrpt · 19/07/2023 19:47

All you can do is be there for him and actually mean it. You're doing that

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